Anonymous wrote:My inlaws do this too! Usually they come on Thursday night and leave on Sunday, but it's once a month and it's too often. I've tried the approach pps have suggested and my husband got REALLY defensive. Just something to consider if yours is really close to them.

If you suggest that his parents come less often and he becomes defensive, tell him that it's fine if he handles catering to them while they are there. He will be responsible for planning and executing meals, and catering to their needs/wants. You'll take care of the kids and the laundry and he'll take care of the rest while they are there. Say that you are overstressed by the added responsibility of caring for his parents and if he wants you to do it you'll do it every other month. If he wants to allow them to come every month, then every other month, he's on the hook for the extra work, even if he has to take off work to do it.

And for the record, I'm a husband. I got tired of having to come home, serve dinner to everyone, then after cleaning up dinner, having to prep and/or cook dinner for the next night to have it ready to heat up when I got home from work the next night. Plus making sure out second car was ready for my MIL to go out and shop at the knitting store and basically taking a vacation while there. I suggested to my wife that her mother come less frequently because I really wasn't up to taking care of her on top of the kids and my wife, and, lo and behold, the next time she came to visit, my MIL actually went shopping and cooked us dinner twice during that week. She also ran a couple of errands for us that saved me having to do them that weekend. It was shocking; I almost had a heart attack. My MIL has cooked for us less than a handful of times in the dozens of visits over the 13 years we've been married, and two of those times occurred this year.

Are you SAH? Are they coming while your dh is at work?

At least you have your privacy on the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't they coming on weekends? This is weird

Church.

Yes. Sit down with DH and say, "Let's figure out a date that works for everyone." Have that date pinpointed and then let inlaws know that this would be a great time for them to come.

My inlaws do this too! Usually they come on Thursday night and leave on Sunday, but it's once a month and it's too often. I've tried the approach pps have suggested and my husband got REALLY defensive. Just something to consider if yours is really close to them.

Anonymous wrote:First talk to your spouse. Say, "hey these visits are pretty frequent. Can we take a break for awhile?"

Yep.

And the next time a date gets suggested, reply back with a date that actually works for you and DH (i.e., a weekend in another month or so).

What brought on this pattern?

Why aren't they coming on weekends? This is weird

First talk to your spouse. Say, "hey these visits are pretty frequent. Can we take a break for awhile?"

ILs live about 4 hours away and have been coming to visit once a month and staying for 3 days (except NOT over the weekend when it would actually be helpful). How can I kindly word that I don't want them to come next month? I'm so sick of them...