I have something to add/dispute on the fact sheet which is telling kids not to keep secrets they don't feel comfortable with. I have it on good authority that a better policy is "NO secrets". Surprises- ie a present you are going to give someone are ok, but you shouldn't from your child to accept secrets from adults. Make sure family members and caregivers know this and do not say things like: "this cookie will be our little secret". If an adult EVER tells you not to tell mom and dad something- tell immediately. (Obvs most appropriate for the very young child and may need subtlety for the teen).

Thank you for sharing this, OP. We have had these discussions with our preschooler, but we sometimes forget that as she ages and is able to handle more complex information, we need to add to the conversation. Thanks for the reminder.

Anonymous wrote:This is helpful. I wish this kind of information was also made more available to parents and kids in low-income kids, where kids are more vulnerable to abuse in part because the parents don't have access to this information. I think sheets like this should be given to parents by the schools.

That is the stupidest statement. You sound like my snooty friend who once told me she didn't worry about her kid going to rich people's houses because they would never do anything dirty to her kid.

Poor does not mean dumb. We ALL know what a pedophile is. Some are even from the best families. Written about on this very forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about a no touch discussion for elementary aged children. Of course preschoolers need hands on help from teachers. But when a kid is older, frankly anything other than a light hand on a shoulder is inappropriate.

And I say this because I was inappropriately touched by a teacher in high school. He did much more to my friend, was ultimately fired. It happens a lot more than we care to admit.

Exactly. And the school refused to report him to the police, right?
Of course they knew about him. You two weren't his only targets.

I am sure we weren't. This was in the late 80s, I have no idea if the police got involved (I didn't come forward but my friend did).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about a no touch discussion for elementary aged children. Of course preschoolers need hands on help from teachers. But when a kid is older, frankly anything other than a light hand on a shoulder is inappropriate.

And I say this because I was inappropriately touched by a teacher in high school. He did much more to my friend, was ultimately fired. It happens a lot more than we care to admit.

Exactly. And the school refused to report him to the police, right?
Of course they knew about him. You two weren't his only targets.

Before denigrating one approach over another, I think one has to recognize that they all act in concert. Teaching children about good vs. bad touch, informing parents about appropriate and inappropriate interactions with people they entrust their children with, and placing clear boundaries around those caregivers all play a role in prevention and detection and, who knows, maybe just that worked here and brought this case to light:
Great show on WAMU last night on just that: http://onpoint.wbur.org/2015/06/03/child-sex-abuse-duggar-hastert-biden

What I'm not sure works are the rules about boundaries. (Following years of scandals and abuse) the BSA today has among the most elaborate program I've ever seen, including all three of these components. I'm not seeing any other clubs nor schools anywhere close to having implemented such a comprehensive method.
And to the person writing something about the "well off", let me tell you how unbelievably resistant to all this education and information the best heeled parents can be, refusing to utter the words printed in their scouts handbooks, refusing to let their scouts be informed, refusing to complete child safety training and sneering at silly "two-deep leadership" requirements. So, no, money has nothing to do with it. What has to do with it is taking all of the pieces seriously, continuously. Money and standing can actually be in the way of this ("don't tell me what to do", "no one can teach ME something, I've got my Ph.D.").

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about a no touch discussion for elementary aged children. Of course preschoolers need hands on help from teachers. But when a kid is older, frankly anything other than a light hand on a shoulder is inappropriate.

And I say this because I was inappropriately touched by a teacher in high school. He did much more to my friend, was ultimately fired. It happens a lot more than we care to admit.

I was talking about a no touch discussion for elementary aged children. Of course preschoolers need hands on help from teachers. But when a kid is older, frankly anything other than a light hand on a shoulder is inappropriate.

Anonymous wrote:This is helpful. I wish this kind of information was also made more available to parents and kids in low-income kids, where kids are more vulnerable to abuse in part because the parents don't have access to this information. I think sheets like this should be given to parents by the schools.

I meant "kids in low-income communities"

This is helpful. I wish this kind of information was also made more available to parents and kids in low-income kids, where kids are more vulnerable to abuse in part because the parents don't have access to this information. I think sheets like this should be given to parents by the schools.

Anonymous wrote:I used to volunteer for the DC Rape Crisis Center, which told the volunteers that adults should talk to kids starting at the age of 2 about "good touch, bad touch." Obviously, sexual abuse is NEVER the child's fault, but giving children information about what is not an okay touch may empower them to speak up if someone is acting inappropriately. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I wish my parents had talked to me about this.

Here is a good factsheet on how to teach "good touch, bad touch" to children, for those who are interested:
http://familyhelpcenter.net/pdf/18%20Teaching%20Good%20Touch%20Bad%20Touch.pdf

This is a helpful factsheet. Thanks!

Makes me sad that we even need it but this is quite empowering and its doing something rather than just hoping nothing bad ever happens.

So, PP, you want your children never to be touched by anyone, including you and your child's other parent?

The reality is that children need to learn what is okay and what is not.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no touch is the best for young kids. Pedophiles gain trust by starting with good touch, and then the kids feel safe and secure with them, and then bad touch starts happening.

Have you taught preschool? Because it's impossible to teach little kids without touching them. You hold their hands on field trips, and help them wash their hands after they've been finger painting, and high five them when they've done a good job, and put on bandaids, and tie their shoes. Those are the kinds of "good touch" that Good Touch Bad Touch talks about.

And yes, if you're a good teacher then one of your goals is that the kids feel safe and secure with you. Little kids can't learn in an environment where they don't feel safe and secure. Teaching your kid to be afraid of teachers, on the chance that they might be pedophiles, is not the solution. The solution is complex and multi dimensional, and includes things like rigorous background checks, 2 deep supervision, and teaching kids to know what to do when they're touched inappropriately.

Honestly, no touch is the best for young kids. Pedophiles gain trust by starting with good touch, and then the kids feel safe and secure with them, and then bad touch starts happening.

I used to volunteer for the DC Rape Crisis Center, which told the volunteers that adults should talk to kids starting at the age of 2 about "good touch, bad touch." Obviously, sexual abuse is NEVER the child's fault, but giving children information about what is not an okay touch may empower them to speak up if someone is acting inappropriately. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I wish my parents had talked to me about this.

Here is a good factsheet on how to teach "good touch, bad touch" to children, for those who are interested:
http://familyhelpcenter.net/pdf/18%20Teaching%20Good%20Touch%20Bad%20Touch.pdf