Anonymous
Post 06/04/2015 10:48     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:I live in Berkeley. I know it's a different dynamic here, but I know a lot of dads who coordinate the social calendars or at least share that duty. There are a lot of parents work from home or job share, dads included, as well as dads who SAH. In those situations where the dads are home more, they usually take over the social activities. Sometimes the dads hang out together, but there are often moms and dads hangig out together. A lot of us have opposite gendered running partners while the kids are at school or activities. I've never noticed it being awkward or anyone being excluded because of gender.

I think if he could make friends with one or two moms and breakthrough into the group that way, it will normalize him and people will include him more. If you're friends with any of them, maybe you could explain the situation to them and help break the ice for him.


Don't tell me that. We want to move to Bay Area but can't find jobs (we are both in 40s so I think hard to break into new fields?). Nice weather and less traditional parent role dynamics, sign us up.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2015 03:07     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
I live in Berkeley. I know it's a different dynamic here, but I know a lot of dads who coordinate the social calendars or at least share that duty. There are a lot of parents work from home or job share, dads included, as well as dads who SAH. In those situations where the dads are home more, they usually take over the social activities. Sometimes the dads hang out together, but there are often moms and dads hangig out together. A lot of us have opposite gendered running partners while the kids are at school or activities. I've never noticed it being awkward or anyone being excluded because of gender.

I think if he could make friends with one or two moms and breakthrough into the group that way, it will normalize him and people will include him more. If you're friends with any of them, maybe you could explain the situation to them and help break the ice for him.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2015 21:53     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids each have a few friends where dad is the social coordinator. I usually start by contacting mom and the mom loops dad in with a message that dad takes care of this stuff.

Then I just include him in whatever we're doing. So if the moms are getting lunch with the kids after soccer, I make sure that he knows he and his child are invited. If the moms are going out for coffee while the kids are in dance, I ask him if he's coming.

Just because he's male doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy adult conversation as much as the rest of us.


So do you consider him a friend like the other moms? Or is there still some mom only tendencies? Do you meet other moms for lunch or yoga -- does dad got in to those settings as well?


Well I don't do yoga. But yes I will have lunch or go to a class at the gym with him. Sometimes we go shopping. He's a friend just like the moms.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2015 21:51     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:
I know of exactly ONE father who is the prime social calendar keeper and playdate goer - he stays home with his two kids, and his wife has the high-powered job. He is very energetic, very involved with his kids, local politics and community organizing, and altogether great company.

It's a shame that this pattern isn't more accepted in our society.


These two examples are of SAHD -- are there any dads that are included when both parents work?
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2015 21:50     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:My kids each have a few friends where dad is the social coordinator. I usually start by contacting mom and the mom loops dad in with a message that dad takes care of this stuff.

Then I just include him in whatever we're doing. So if the moms are getting lunch with the kids after soccer, I make sure that he knows he and his child are invited. If the moms are going out for coffee while the kids are in dance, I ask him if he's coming.

Just because he's male doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy adult conversation as much as the rest of us.


So do you consider him a friend like the other moms? Or is there still some mom only tendencies? Do you meet other moms for lunch or yoga -- does dad got in to those settings as well?
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 22:36     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator

I know of exactly ONE father who is the prime social calendar keeper and playdate goer - he stays home with his two kids, and his wife has the high-powered job. He is very energetic, very involved with his kids, local politics and community organizing, and altogether great company.

It's a shame that this pattern isn't more accepted in our society.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 22:28     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
My H is the usual coordinator for all of the things our family does- play dates, social events, sports, etc. He is by far more organized than I and stays at home with our three kids. I am happy he doesn't mind and the moms in the group don't seem to find it odd or bothersome that a man is the one they chat with. I cannot figure out why this is a topic.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 21:04     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
My kids each have a few friends where dad is the social coordinator. I usually start by contacting mom and the mom loops dad in with a message that dad takes care of this stuff.

Then I just include him in whatever we're doing. So if the moms are getting lunch with the kids after soccer, I make sure that he knows he and his child are invited. If the moms are going out for coffee while the kids are in dance, I ask him if he's coming.

Just because he's male doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy adult conversation as much as the rest of us.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 20:36     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So radio silence means no dads are social coordinators?? It's all moms all the time?


Your subject line is unclear. social calendar could mean family get togethers.

Lots of playdates are scheduled via email.


But is it still the moms emailing? How often dads. I meant to include family get togethers too.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 20:26     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
My kid is older now and no, the dads have never been the primary coordinators. The only time I have coordinated with them is when the mom copied them on texts or emails.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 20:02     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:So radio silence means no dads are social coordinators?? It's all moms all the time?


Your subject line is unclear. social calendar could mean family get togethers.

Lots of playdates are scheduled via email.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 16:24     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
So radio silence means no dads are social coordinators?? It's all moms all the time?
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 08:57     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old the child is...but in my experience, as a DH, when I had to manage playdates, etc, expectation was I would leave. I was not really wanted to hang around....Now, this did not happen until DD was about four or so...


Not necessarily for the actual drop off the play date, but more for the moments when the mom's get together during soccer practice or meet up for lunch and plans are made. How can a DH be involved in the planning,or is it always the mom who is the coordinator?
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 08:32     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
Not sure how old the child is...but in my experience, as a DH, when I had to manage playdates, etc, expectation was I would leave. I was not really wanted to hang around....Now, this did not happen until DD was about four or so...
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2015 08:26     Subject: s/o DH as family social calendar coordinator
any gamut have the DH be the one coordinating play dates, outings, family to family get together? It always seems the moms socialize a bit and in parallel set up play dates etc? Or is it a large part women socializing and play dates and such come along with that -- I definitely am not sure if DH could meet up with another family's mom for lunch or yoga like the other moms do but it seems a lot of planning happens in those moments.