Anonymous wrote:I have a friend in a mixed marriage so they weren't having a baptism but wanted something spiritual and welcoming. They live in a mountainous region and they picked a favorite outdoor spot with a view. They both spoke and a non denominational minister offered a simple ceremony. I think they did a unity candle or a unity sand jar for they family as well (I wasn't there, and trying to remember details...).

Do you have a spiritual leader who would agree to lead something like this for you? You would obviously make it more religious than this one was, but I thought what they did was a beautiful way to create their own tradition.

That sounds beautiful and a wonderful solution for the couple in question. but depending on the OP's denomination/religion, such a scenario may not work for them. The pastor who posted above is correct that for most denominations, baptism is about welcoming the child into the fold of the congregation, which means that the ceremony typically takes place in front of the congregation, not a random place. That being said, if the OP isn't particularly religious or attached to her congregation - your suggestion may be perfect! (:

I have a friend in a mixed marriage so they weren't having a baptism but wanted something spiritual and welcoming. They live in a mountainous region and they picked a favorite outdoor spot with a view. They both spoke and a non denominational minister offered a simple ceremony. I think they did a unity candle or a unity sand jar for they family as well (I wasn't there, and trying to remember details...).

Do you have a spiritual leader who would agree to lead something like this for you? You would obviously make it more religious than this one was, but I thought what they did was a beautiful way to create their own tradition.

Buy a new christening gown that you want to pass down in your family so you don't have that argument with them.

If you or DH have strong ties to your university or another locale you could try to make it work there. I think your stressed will follow you - everyone will be at the same hotel, trying to get their time with GC in and in cramped spaces.

I would schedule when it works for you regardless of grandparents schedules. When you send an email with the details include your intention for the weekend. On Friday night we will have a BBQ at our house - anyone in town is welcome to join us. Saturday we will be doing X and Sunday we will be doing Y. Then it is set and they can't easily change or add their own events.

As stressful as it is I would just force yourself to go through it. They all have the expectation it will be like the last two and if you change it you will likely still have the same stressors and on top of that dealing with the constant comments and/or hurt feelings about why it is being done differently than the others.

Or maybe find tickets to separate events to gift thr grandparents to while they are in town to keep them out of your hair for a few hours each! Ha!

Pastor here: Plan the baptism for when it works for you and your congregation - the ritual is to welcome the new member into the fold and support him/her and the family in raising the child in the faith community, or course. So if the grandparents want to be there for it, especially in a supportive role (hopefully), then they can hopefully find a way to coordinate their plans in a way that helps rather than detracts from the celebration.

It will be special no matter what LO is wearing.

Why not do a baptism with your church, but not the grandparents, and then plan a family vacation for each set after that? Please "stress" as a reason for not having a big family event. Each of you can tell your respective parents, "Spouse is jsut so stressed out! I don't think he/she can hande it."

It sounds like that last one was an unusual event and something you could have squashed by having her run her own errands.

I would schedule the baptism to suit you and plan a luncheon or something that suits you for afterwards. Keep your schedule simple and well-known to all. Just say "You are all welcome to Billy's baptism at St. John's at 10am on July 10. We'll have a quiet evening with appetizers the night before if you'd like to come over until 9pm or so. After the baptism join us for lunch at Rocco's from noon-2pm. We'll head home to put Sally and Johnny down for naps. Do you have anything special you'll want to do while you're here? With 3 little ones we're not up to hosting much but we want you to see the kids and spend some time with us."

Oh, and as for dress - get a new one! Say you want each kid to have their own to pass along.

What is your denomination?

Maybe you could keep having them stay in their hotels, but make an itinerary for the visit? Schedule the weekend as much as possible and have the grandparent who isn't visiting the new baby take the older kids out for some fun? Other than suggesting a schedule, I think you have to be blunt or suck it up.

Whatever you do, don't be running errands for MIL this time. That's pretty obnoxious of her to get you and your mom to do all the work while she plays with the baby.

Having my third child. We live far from both sets of grandparents. For the first two baptisms, both families came in for a long weekend, and it was basically a nightmare for me both times. The grandparents don't have much in common -- they have seen each other for our wedding and the baptisms only. Grandmothers are positioning themselves to be closer to my kids, I don't have room for two sets of people to stay with us, so we just don't let anyone stay with us, which is sort of silly. There is a huge ordeal over whose antique Christening gown I'm using (we've used one from each side now). Last time, my MIL asked if we could have an engagement dinner for her other son (who also flew in with his fiancee for the baptism) the night before, so my mother and I spent Saturday running around to Costco, etc. to get food for the engagement dinner while my MIL watched the baby -- not exactly what my mom or I wanted to be doing while I had all these people in town. In all, it's just a very tense, expensive event, and I have missed out on the spiritual side of baptizing my new little person. I would feel really bad about not inviting the grandparents -- I know they would all be really angry -- but I just can't face this again. Any ideas for 1. a "destination" baptism -- like we all meet at Westminster Abbey and everyone is in a hotel doing their own thing until the event (not sure this is a thing.....) or 2. How to make this less horrible?