Isn't it the case that most men avoid the dr to avoid the prostate exam and turn your head and cough? Are there this many out there who refuse routine bloodwork every few yrs?

I can relate. Finally DH had a health issue where he was in enough pain that I would not leave him alone until he let me drive him to the ER.

Several hours later the ER doctor had some results to share. She told him he needed to follow up right away with his primary care physician. Then she said "You do have a PCP right?" He was about to lie and I said "no he doesn't." She was surprisingly bitchy to him shaming him for not seeing a doctor in many years. At first I felt guilty as well as pissed at this doctor for being mean. That passed. Woman was a genius and I am forever grateful to her. He felt humiliated and he let me find him a PCP. He is now even better about doctor visits than I am.

OP here. My first time posting on the forums that I've heard about for years.

All such nice responses. Thank you for your insight and commiserating - all very civilly (which I heard this board (as any anonymous board) can be.

Nothing budges my DH. He binge eats, never exercises, overworks, has severe sleep apnea, very high blood pressure and is obese. That's what we know about - I suspect diabetes and possibly heart issues. He's been "scared straight" by doctors but always relapses. My setting an example doesn't work, offering to do it with him doesn't work, making appointments for him doesn't work. Keeping only healthy food in the house (which is what I do) doesn't work, he regularly blows through his "mad money" to buy the junk he binges on. He has my blessing for whatever time he needs for exercising/health support he needs.

He has a Cpap, and uses it occasionally. He's welcome to join me in our bed if he uses the machine, sleeps elsewhere if he's not willing to use it. I'm unwilling to give up my quality of sleep if he's unwilling to make efforts to change.

It's simply not up to you. If something you do to encourage him works, it's because he's ready to do something himself.

I care about him enough not to throw in the towel. It's incredibly sad. I manage my anxiety over the situation by formulating my disaster plans - I basically planning for my future without him.

hugs to anyone else living this reality.

I had a calm(non judgemental) conversation with my DH that he was scaring me with his weight gain, no exercise etc. He took our talk seriously and changed his ways. I found a book called "The 17 Day Diet" and offered to do it with him, get the proper foods in the house, etc. My thought: You can do anything for 17 days, right? I think he simply needed a kick start -- he has kept the 40 lbs off for over a year. As for the Dr apps, offer to make him the appt and go with him. I think these overweight boys/men simply don't want to be repremanded by the Doc.

Not OP but following. It's not possible for me to make his doctor's appointments since I have no idea what his work calendar looks like.

Anonymous wrote:My 40 year-old husband has not seen a doctor in eight years.
He is 30% overweight
He is out of the house from 9-9/10pm M-f at a demanding desk job and is too tired to exercise (understandable) = poor work/life balance
He has a terrible snore that affects my sleep. Think he has sleep apnea but not diagnosed (as no doctor


He just totally neglects his body. It's scary. I feel like within 10 years my kids and I will be left alone. I find myself feeling resentful of him because he knows he is killing himself slowly, yet does nothing to change.

Has anyone gotten their husband to change their ways? I swear I'd love a doctor to scare him straight. Feeling desperate for a change.

+1 I cannot get him to go. He insists he's healthy and he makes a joke about snoring (I end up on the couch EVERY SINGLE NIGHT). No advice just commiseration.

Anonymous wrote:Get more life insurance on him.

Good point LOL

Yes, I was successful by setting an example myself.

Get more life insurance on him.

New poster her.
My 47 year old dh is naturally slim and fit, looks young, strong and muscular. Never gains weight. But, he smokes and drinks too much, totally stressed by his work, says he is too busy to eat all day but drinks a ton of coffee.
How much longer can a person continue like this?
Gentleman, what is a wife to say that will get through to him?

I just had a conversation with my husband about this very thing. He has gained soooo much weight and is sluggish and lacks exercise. After a close family member died suddenly at the age of 51 from a heart attack, I am begging him to get medical attention. We are in our early 40's and have a 4 year old and one on the way. I really am afraid that he will not be here to see these children grow.

Anonymous wrote:I always schedule my husband's appointments and tell him to go. I don't really give him a choice.

We go to the same doctor and we had a back-to-back appointment so he could watch our toddler when I was in and I mentioned that his snoring got worse. Doctor sent him for a sleep study. He was borderline for apnea but they gave him a cap anyway. It is one of the best inventions ever! I couldn't take the snoring either.

Yep!! Me too. I mostly like him to go to get the blood work done. Make the call and get him an appointment.

I also call our dentist and schedule both of our dentist appointments at the same time, 2x a year.

I always schedule my husband's appointments and tell him to go. I don't really give him a choice.

We go to the same doctor and we had a back-to-back appointment so he could watch our toddler when I was in and I mentioned that his snoring got worse. Doctor sent him for a sleep study. He was borderline for apnea but they gave him a cap anyway. It is one of the best inventions ever! I couldn't take the snoring either.

Quick story about me that might help you. I'm a guy and was 41 when my son was born. I had been working very long hours for a long time but I felt ok. A little overweight, a bit tired but I had actually been losing a lot of weight very quickly in the weeks before the birth. When the boy was born we changed to a new family plan insurance and that meant a new doctor for me. I hadn't seen my old doctor in a while but a week after the boy arrived I decided to meet the new doctor since she was in the same facility as the pediatrician and we were going in for the 1 week checkup anyway. So I went in for a routine physical.

My numbers weren't just bad. they were very, very dangerously bad. Not only did I have VERY severe diabetes but I had ketoacidosis (a condition related to diabetes that can cause coma or death). They wouldn't let me leave for several hours while they pumped saline into me intravenously to flush the sugars out. And my cholesterol numbers were comically bad.

I made some very drastic changes and I'm pretty healthy now. Numbers are all under control. However, if I hadn't gone in for that routine physical I probably wouldn't be typing this right now. I probably would have been dead at 41 or 42 and my wife would be raising our son by herself (or, if you're going to be optimistic about it, with someone else).

In any case, that short visit probably saved my life and gave me 30 or 40 or 50 years that I wouldn't have otherwise had. Tell your husband to get that check-up. It won't kill him.

My 40 year-old husband has not seen a doctor in eight years.
He is 30% overweight
He is out of the house from 9-9/10pm M-f at a demanding desk job and is too tired to exercise (understandable) = poor work/life balance
He has a terrible snore that affects my sleep. Think he has sleep apnea but not diagnosed (as no doctor


He just totally neglects his body. It's scary. I feel like within 10 years my kids and I will be left alone. I find myself feeling resentful of him because he knows he is killing himself slowly, yet does nothing to change.

Has anyone gotten their husband to change their ways? I swear I'd love a doctor to scare him straight. Feeling desperate for a change.