You knew this before you decided to have lunch with her yet you still had lunch with her. Glutton for punishment or do you just like being a victim of Mom's ?

I really don't get posts like this. The solution is simple.

I had the same experience with my mom. I went to a counselor about it.

He said... like all counselors, "how does it make you feel"

I said, "guilty"

He said, "so you can not change your mom, all you can do is decide to not feel guilty. She made her decision and you can change that. You can't make her a happier better person. So you either stop seeing her or you stop feeling guilty about what she says."

I limit my contact when I can't control the feelings of guilt, but mostly I just go, don't really enjoy it but feel it is my duty as a daughter, then drink wine with friends and laugh about all the shitty things our moms say to us.

Sorry OP. Have you confronted her about how hurtful her comments are? I think you should tell her that it hurts you and that if she is going to continue to say things like that you, then you will have to limit your contact with her.

You can always just not talk to her for awhile to see if it helps.

OP, my mother has said the same thing to me and my siblings over the years. It hurts knowing that you were not wanted and I always feel sadness because I lacked a loving mother. I tell my own children everyday that I love them and they are my angels. Although cutting off a family member is extreme, I had to cut off my own mother in order to move on in a more positive direction in my life. It's up to you to do some soul-searching on how you want to proceed. Know that life is too short for negative people in your life, whether that person is related or not.

So sorry to hear that, OP.

OP, why are you meeting your mother regularly? She doesn't like you, so she claims. Therefore, you should cut her off, it would be doing her a favor.

She is a toxic person.

Children can be a true joy. This awful woman, despite having children herself, and forcing them to lunch with her in her lonely old age, is trying to rob you of that choice.

Have kids, or not, but do not let this woman influence you.

Anonymous wrote:We have always had a difficult relationship, but she is bitter like she has always been about everything in her life. She always complained when my brother and I were children that because of us, she wasn't able to live the life of her dreams. Told me at lunch today - after us meeting for the first time since Easter - that DH and I should not have kids because becoming a mother was "the biggest mistake" of her life and if she could, she would take it back.

I am so tired of my life.

Follow the lead of my DC. Tonight, I said to my DC, "Look at all this laundry that I have to do because of you guys!" My DC says. "Well, you should have thought about that when you decided to have kids". Fair point. Tell, your mom, it is too late for regrets.

Whose idea was it to get together? Limit contact and if she says stuff like that, tell her to go tell it to someone else but it's inappropriate to say it to you.

I am right there with you.

The mother daughter relationship can be really toxic and quite harmful to one's emotional equilibrium. I think especially older generations arent as evolved/aware of what a mother should do, what psychology says about motherhood and its effects and all that. JMO.

Cut contact right now. She's horrible and you're under no obligation to speak to or see her. If she contacts you, ignore. She doesn't deserve an explanation and will likely blame you if you give her one.

I was with you until your last sentence. That last makes you sound like your mother!!!

Limit contact. I see my mother every two years, because of these and more egregious reasons.

Hugs, op. She's a broken person. I'm sorry that's who you have for a mother. It's ok to cut back on seeing her, or to just stop seeing her.

I'm sorry. What a thing for a "mother" to say.
I hope you and your husband have the life you both choose.

We have always had a difficult relationship, but she is bitter like she has always been about everything in her life. She always complained when my brother and I were children that because of us, she wasn't able to live the life of her dreams. Told me at lunch today - after us meeting for the first time since Easter - that DH and I should not have kids because becoming a mother was "the biggest mistake" of her life and if she could, she would take it back.

I am so tired of my life.