My mom still has resentment towards my grandmother, her MIL. It affected my relationship with my grandma for about 3 of the 3.5 decades I've been on the planet. My mom and I haven't been getting along really well since I've had kids and now I have a better relationship with my grandma. I think my grandma just doesn't have the best personality but she means well. My mom just takes everything personally and has a different personality than my grandma. For instance, my grandma is very cheap but my mom goes into debt for gift giving. I see both sides that my mom complains my grandma gives cheap gifts but I also see that my grandma is very financially independent in a way my mom will never be. I just hope to be a balance between the two.

Fortunately I have a much better relationship with my own mother-in-law. Even if it ever turns sour, I will do my best to keep and issues between us rather than dragging my kids into it. Hearing my mom complain about things my grandma did in the 80s gets very old very quickly especially after hearing the complaints for so many years (ex: she buys me cheaper gifts than your dad and his siblings and my parents always treated us the same. Or my mom says "he-- or high water won't change your grandma's plans." Ok got it she is stubborn and cheap but at the end of the day she is my only living grandparent).

She was a total bitch to my mom. She's dead now, but she just liked to dress us (grandkids) up and take us to plays. She never gave us toys or anything like that for birthdays or Christmas. She just wasn't a warm and friendly person to her family. Everyone else LOVED her.

Funny question. As it turns out while MIL's MIL was alive she and I got along beautifully. From what MIL says she was not comfortable around her MIL. I don't understand that because she was great.

My mom was very close to her MIL but my MIL was not on good terms with her MIL (DH's grandmother). She was alive until 10 years after DH and I married and lived one mile from our house. I met her once, at my wedding. I don't know if DH's lack of closeness was a direct result of his mom/grandmother's relationship or if it was because his grandmother was just not a warm person. DH was very close to his other grandmother though--I saw her often before she passed away.

As a result, MIL is very careful to have a good relationship with me and is wonderful towards me and my kids. I can't imagine why DH's grandmother didn't like her. She's the nicest person.

My grandmother was often very nasty to my mother (they are from different countries...and it was an adjustment, plus my mom was insecure about living abroad and joining my dad's family). Anyway, my grandmother was very young and she was able to provide a great deal of childcare, allowing both my parents to work. So us kids are all pretty close to her even now (she's 87, I'm 35). She can still be mean spirited, a little underhanded, and she has her favorites among the grandkids but...when we were little she was always very loving and present.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was incredibly nasty to and about my grandmother, and I always felt my mother was oblivious to the fact that she was speaking of my grandmother, my blood relation.

That fact that she was your blood relation doesn't mean that she wasn't a bitch to your mom--an even closer blood relation.

That's a weird way of thinking about it, your mom is your mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was incredibly nasty to and about my grandmother, and I always felt my mother was oblivious to the fact that she was speaking of my grandmother, my blood relation.

That fact that she was your blood relation doesn't mean that she wasn't a bitch to your mom--an even closer blood relation.

Mother/MIL.

Anonymous wrote:My mother was incredibly nasty to and about my grandmother, and I always felt my mother was oblivious to the fact that she was speaking of my grandmother, my blood relation.

That fact that she was your blood relation doesn't mean that she wasn't a bitch to your mom--an even closer blood relation.

My mother was incredibly nasty to and about my grandmother, and I always felt my mother was oblivious to the fact that she was speaking of my grandmother, my blood relation.

I had no relationship with her, really.

what kind of relationships do you have with that grandmother? Especially, if that grandmother loved you (but not your mom). My dad's aunt was extremely nasty to my mom, and although I had no idea back then, I still felt something was off and was not very fond of her. In truth, she did not like me either, so I am not sure how I'd feel was she nice to me.