Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is he doesn't pick her up?

If he were truly interested, wouldn't he make more of an effort?

Yes, mom. Tho is true.

Who's paying for the vacation?

Anonymous wrote:I'd have a general talk with my girl about how a relationship should be, how a man shows his love language, what she wants out of having a boyfriend in general and then dies she think she's getting that from this one. But I wouldn't slam the guy,

X1000 how I wished someone had given me relationship advice when I was younger. Just pointed things out and really made me think about what I wanted from a relationship and whether or not I was getting it. I had such self esteem issues, I just wish someone had stepped in and said 'is this what you want? Or do you want something more? Because if you want something more, you are good enough to get if.'

Anonymous wrote:

Do you mean that they should both confine themselves to traditional gender roles, where he's the gallant gentleman who picks her up and drops her off in his car?

Perhaps you pine for that, but they clearly don't have that relationship. They're young, casual and modern. Don't ever criticize him! Be smarter than that. You can say something nice about him in front of her, then reminisce about your husband and how he would come pick you up and hold the car door open for you, and show his affection in a myriad of little ways like that. I guarantee some of it will stick.

+1

Even if you are right, as a Mom you can't say anything. These are the mistakes she needs to make.

When they break up, you can be there to listen to her cry (along with some ice cream). Once the worst of it is over, you can have the "what can you learn about this so you don't make the same mistake again?" conversation.

Until then, get comfortable watching from the sidelines as she makes mistakes...

Anonymous wrote:OP here: yes shouldn't the BF pick up the GF for dates? It just seems wrong that she's always running off to meet up with him, why doesn't he make the effort to pick her up?
And I appreciate the comments to "butt out". I know parental feedback/input can definitely backfire!

You can certainly ask her why she always goes to meet him, but don't introduce the topic as one of questioning his commitment. There could be lots of reasons. Maybe he doesn't have the same access to a car that she has or isn't as good of a driver. Maybe his schedule is less flexible and this way they get to see each other for longer.

My DH has never been the driver (in the literal sense) in our relationship, even when we were dating right after college. That's just our dynamic and I don't mind driving places.

I'd have a general talk with my girl about how a relationship should be, how a man shows his love language, what she wants out of having a boyfriend in general and then dies she think she's getting that from this one. But I wouldn't slam the guy,

Do you mean that they should both confine themselves to traditional gender roles, where he's the gallant gentleman who picks her up and drops her off in his car?

Perhaps you pine for that, but they clearly don't have that relationship. They're young, casual and modern. Don't ever criticize him! Be smarter than that. You can say something nice about him in front of her, then reminisce about your husband and how he would come pick you up and hold the car door open for you, and show his affection in a myriad of little ways like that. I guarantee some of it will stick.

Myob. She's in college. This is for her to figure out. The more you reject him, the more she'll be forced to think of reasons to stay with him. Let her make her own decisions.

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is he doesn't pick her up?

If he were truly interested, wouldn't he make more of an effort?

OP here: yes shouldn't the BF pick up the GF for dates? It just seems wrong that she's always running off to meet up with him, why doesn't he make the effort to pick her up?
And I appreciate the comments to "butt out". I know parental feedback/input can definitely backfire!

Your problem is he doesn't pick her up?

The issue has nothing to do with who drives to meet whom. The issue is do you mind them going off and having sex on a vacation, or do either of them drink/do drugs where they'd get behind the wheel afterwards. And since they're in college, they're doing those things already if they're so inclined.

It's a vacation, not an engagement. What if she said she wanted to take a road trip with a female friend? Does that person have to show "commitment"?

Sorry you don't like the boyfriend, but parents stepping in to try to point this out to a young person in love has worked about zero times ever. Butt out unless there's a significant safety issue involved.

Sure, why not talk about it. If he's not committed to their relationship, I just hope she's not having sex with him.

My DD (college aged, very responsible) will be participating in a school sponsored program this summer out of state. No problem there!!
She wants to extend her plans and take a road trip/vacation afterwards ( we aren't having a family vacation this summer for a variety of reasons).
The problem is she wants her BF to join her on the vacation part.
I don't have a problem with her having a BF or even spending a vacation with one.
The problem I see is that he just doesn't seem all that involved, from what I can tell.
And maybe I'm being unfair. Please tell me if you think I am.
He lives in our town, and he and DD spend time together. But lately it doesn't seem as if he ever takes her on a real date: she is always driving off to meet up with him at a restaurant, friend's house, you get the picture.
I just question his commitment and whether a vacation together is a good idea.
Can I bring this up with DD? About the relationship itself or the travel plans? I'm thinking of just saying something like "why doesn't BF ever swing by and pick you up if you have you are getting together?" but of course that will put her on the defensive!
He just doesn't seem all that committed to the relationship and this would be a good time to spend time apart!
What can I do in this situation, please help! Should I MYOB or say something?