Anonymous wrote:I didn't see the problem. I've heard and given this response and it would never occur to me to find it offensive.

You: you want to give over for a bbq next Saturday?

Respondent looks at calendar: we're not doing anything, so sure.

What's the problem? I think you're just looking for a reason to be offended.

This
I have said that to people and had people say it to me

A lot of people pretend to be important when in reality, they aren't. The answer given shows this. Now that you know, you can decide beforehand whether you want to call her or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see the problem. I've heard and given this response and it would never occur to me to find it offensive.

You: you want to give over for a bbq next Saturday?

Respondent looks at calendar: we're not doing anything, so sure.

What's the problem? I think you're just looking for a reason to be offended.

This.

Same. If I had other plans, I would politely decline.
OP may be reading this statement backwards. It is not intended as "well, I guess since we have nothing better" but "great! So glad I didn't rsvp to anything since I love spending time with you!"
I hate it when I make plans and then have to decline something I would enjoy more. But it is important to honor commitments.

What you're all missing is the idea that the only reason you'd say yes is because you don't have anything better to do. It would never occur to me to reply with "We're not doing anything, so..." because that sounds like the most lukewarm, "Gosh, if only we had better options but we don't, so we'll see you/attend your event". That's how that sounds.

I'd never say it that way, I usually respond with "Thanks for the invite, sounds great! Let me see if we're available..." and then see if it works on our calendar or not, and be sufficiently positive, not just ambivalent or "Yeah, cuz we don't have any better options".

I used to get offended by stupid comments like this but i realized that people are only thinking of themselves. She is not giving any thought to how you might perceive her words. Because she probably doesnt care about your feelings, she is too wrapped up in herself.

Just like the common voicemail message "I will get back to you at MY earliest convenience", always strikes me as rude, especially in business or customer service. How abous saying "as soon as possible" without telling the world that YOUR schedule is your first priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see the problem. I've heard and given this response and it would never occur to me to find it offensive.

You: you want to give over for a bbq next Saturday?

Respondent looks at calendar: we're not doing anything, so sure.

What's the problem? I think you're just looking for a reason to be offended.

This.

Same. If I had other plans, I would politely decline.
OP may be reading this statement backwards. It is not intended as "well, I guess since we have nothing better" but "great! So glad I didn't rsvp to anything since I love spending time with you!"
I hate it when I make plans and then have to decline something I would enjoy more. But it is important to honor commitments.

I think what your SIL is saying is, "we are usually available for you"
and means they are happy to spend time with you.
(maybe not with everyone, but with you - yes)
OP, don't mess this up.

Does you SIL feel you don't reciprocate enough/or is she wanting more of a relationship with you? (just shooting in the dar here ...)

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see the problem. I've heard and given this response and it would never occur to me to find it offensive.

You: you want to give over for a bbq next Saturday?

Respondent looks at calendar: we're not doing anything, so sure.

What's the problem? I think you're just looking for a reason to be offended.

This.

I didn't see the problem. I've heard and given this response and it would never occur to me to find it offensive.

You: you want to give over for a bbq next Saturday?

Respondent looks at calendar: we're not doing anything, so sure.

What's the problem? I think you're just looking for a reason to be offended.

Say, "you don't know my schedule"
Then if she says it again, say " that's a little rude to say"

Look deeper - she is not treating you as an equal, as a peer. No adult social relationships are good unless the relationship is between equals, IMHO

I find nothing wrong with that response.

I would probably just stop inviting.

You should start saying the same thing back to her, or does she not invite you anywhere? That is such a weird response... I suppose if it really pricks at you, you could actually say to her "Do you realize when you respond that way, it sounds like you really don't want to do the event with us?" It IS ok to actually communicate that to someone, maybe she does that with a lot of people and turns a lot of people off and has no clue?

Anonymous wrote:That's rude. I would sarcastically say "So glad you can fit us in!" And then laugh.

Okay! So glad to know it isn't just me.

That's rude. I would sarcastically say "So glad you can fit us in!" And then laugh.

This is how my sister in law responds each time we ask her to join us for a family gathering. I know I may be overreacting but a simple thanks would be appreciated. That is all, just bothered by the wording.