Anonymous wrote:I guess i'm just curious as to what OP's qualifications are in terms of deciding how other people should dress. If he/she should be the final decider, shouldn't he/she be vetted in some small way? Do you see what I'm getting at here? When you are late for an appointment with someone else due to sheer negligence (and even that would be defined different ways by different people), you are affecting someone else directly. A person's dress does not affect you directly.

Oh lord. Show me where OP said she was the final decider? Show me where OP said a specific person's dress or an extenuating circumstance? I agree with OP, comb your hair and wear clean clothes, its not that big of deal, don't be a slob. I doubt she is walking up to people dressed in dirty sweats and flip flops in Target and punching them in the mouth. You are just projecting some kind or ridiculousness because something about the OP or within the post struck a nerve.

You can have the last word, because I'm not going to derail what should be a fun discussion any further with your nonsense about nothing that wasn't even a part of the original post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actively judging people based on their appearance is the height of bad manners OP. Good manners can be listed by rote in a book and that can be helpful. But true class and good manners revolve around the golden rule. How does someone's level of dress if not required by the actual social function affect you? It doesn't. Manners are about how we treat each other. That goes for you as well.

If you read, which you did but obviously wanted to pick a fight, the OP said it didn't matter how a person dressed, just that they took some pride in it. As in combed hair, clean clothes not wearing pajamas to the store, etc... and before you bring the homeless or mentally ill into the equation, I think you know what she meant.

Manners are about how we treat each other and you made a huge leap in judgement and embellished what the OP said, what does that say about you?

I made no embellishment but simply responded to OP's post. I did not approach OP in a grocery store and start spouting my opinion. On the contrary, OP started an anonymous online discussion and I responded with my opinion. I'm not trying to pick a fight but pass on some good advice to OP. Start from within, not from without.

From the OPs post, since it wasn't clear to you " I also wish people dressed up more and took more pride in their appearance. I don't care if you are a prep or a psychobilly, you can wear clean clothing and comb your hair. Put on an actual pair of pants to go to the grocery store, things like that"

I guess i'm just curious as to what OP's qualifications are in terms of deciding how other people should dress. If he/she should be the final decider, shouldn't he/she be vetted in some small way? Do you see what I'm getting at here? When you are late for an appointment with someone else due to sheer negligence (and even that would be defined different ways by different people), you are affecting someone else directly. A person's dress does not affect you directly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actively judging people based on their appearance is the height of bad manners OP. Good manners can be listed by rote in a book and that can be helpful. But true class and good manners revolve around the golden rule. How does someone's level of dress if not required by the actual social function affect you? It doesn't. Manners are about how we treat each other. That goes for you as well.

If you read, which you did but obviously wanted to pick a fight, the OP said it didn't matter how a person dressed, just that they took some pride in it. As in combed hair, clean clothes not wearing pajamas to the store, etc... and before you bring the homeless or mentally ill into the equation, I think you know what she meant.

Manners are about how we treat each other and you made a huge leap in judgement and embellished what the OP said, what does that say about you?

I made no embellishment but simply responded to OP's post. I did not approach OP in a grocery store and start spouting my opinion. On the contrary, OP started an anonymous online discussion and I responded with my opinion. I'm not trying to pick a fight but pass on some good advice to OP. Start from within, not from without.

From the OPs post, since it wasn't clear to you " I also wish people dressed up more and took more pride in their appearance. I don't care if you are a prep or a psychobilly, you can wear clean clothing and comb your hair. Put on an actual pair of pants to go to the grocery store, things like that"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actively judging people based on their appearance is the height of bad manners OP. Good manners can be listed by rote in a book and that can be helpful. But true class and good manners revolve around the golden rule. How does someone's level of dress if not required by the actual social function affect you? It doesn't. Manners are about how we treat each other. That goes for you as well.

If you read, which you did but obviously wanted to pick a fight, the OP said it didn't matter how a person dressed, just that they took some pride in it. As in combed hair, clean clothes not wearing pajamas to the store, etc... and before you bring the homeless or mentally ill into the equation, I think you know what she meant.

Manners are about how we treat each other and you made a huge leap in judgement and embellished what the OP said, what does that say about you?

I made no embellishment but simply responded to OP's post. I did not approach OP in a grocery store and start spouting my opinion. On the contrary, OP started an anonymous online discussion and I responded with my opinion. I'm not trying to pick a fight but pass on some good advice to OP. Start from within, not from without.

Anonymous wrote:Actively judging people based on their appearance is the height of bad manners OP. Good manners can be listed by rote in a book and that can be helpful. But true class and good manners revolve around the golden rule. How does someone's level of dress if not required by the actual social function affect you? It doesn't. Manners are about how we treat each other. That goes for you as well.

If you read, which you did but obviously wanted to pick a fight, the OP said it didn't matter how a person dressed, just that they took some pride in it. As in combed hair, clean clothes not wearing pajamas to the store, etc... and before you bring the homeless or mentally ill into the equation, I think you know what she meant.

Manners are about how we treat each other and you made a huge leap in judgement and embellished what the OP said, what does that say about you?

Manners is how you treat other people. Saying one thing, and doing another, does not cut it with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you would have a field day with my MIL. She burps loudly (not belches, really rips one out), without excusing herself, picks her teeth at the table for prolonged periods of time, and other really gross behaviors. I think she likes the shock value; as if to say a big FU to whomever is next to her. Actually, my BIL does this too, probably only when I'm around. It should be a drinking game, with bets on how many times she will do this in a one week period. Vulgar.

Wow, I am so sorry. I think the picking her teeth at the table would be the most upsetting. I wonder why she takes glee in grossing people out?

Thanks, me too. I think that is all she has, sadly. She is really a very bitter person. She has taught me a lot about people who think that others have more.

Actively judging people based on their appearance is the height of bad manners OP. Good manners can be listed by rote in a book and that can be helpful. But true class and good manners revolve around the golden rule. How does someone's level of dress if not required by the actual social function affect you? It doesn't. Manners are about how we treat each other. That goes for you as well.

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

I think habitually late means something different than a couple of minutes. However if this is something that is habitual for you, it is good you are aware and working on it, because it is inconvenient to others.

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you would have a field day with my MIL. She burps loudly (not belches, really rips one out), without excusing herself, picks her teeth at the table for prolonged periods of time, and other really gross behaviors. I think she likes the shock value; as if to say a big FU to whomever is next to her. Actually, my BIL does this too, probably only when I'm around. It should be a drinking game, with bets on how many times she will do this in a one week period. Vulgar.

Wow, I am so sorry. I think the picking her teeth at the table would be the most upsetting. I wonder why she takes glee in grossing people out?

OP, you would have a field day with my MIL. She burps loudly (not belches, really rips one out), without excusing herself, picks her teeth at the table for prolonged periods of time, and other really gross behaviors. I think she likes the shock value; as if to say a big FU to whomever is next to her. Actually, my BIL does this too, probably only when I'm around. It should be a drinking game, with bets on how many times she will do this in a one week period. Vulgar.

I am with you on not dressing sloppily. Doesn't matter how much money you have or what your style is.

I also cannot stand when people flake on commitments. Emergency? Fine. Otherwise keep your commitments.

Chewing with a closed mouth (I work with kids so this really grates on! When they don't) is my #1.

Then not yapping on cell phones on the bus or anywhere in stuck having to listen to half a conversation and acknowledging gifts round out my top 3.

What specific manners or points of etiquette are important to you? Anything you wish more people would remember or any "old school" manners you would like to make a comeback?

I started thinking about this when speaking to a friend about how gentlemanly my husband is and how I was taken aback by this when we first met. It comes very natural to him and I hope it will to our boys. I also want our girls to see this as a reflection of a man's character and not of hers - whether she is attracted to gentleman qualities or not. He is also white collar and business etiquette is very important to him, I admire that about him.

As for manners that are important to me, I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered. I also wish people dressed up more and took more pride in their appearance. I don't care if you are a prep or a psychobilly, you can wear clean clothing and comb your hair. Put on an actual pair of pants to go to the grocery store, things like that. Also prompt correspondence, people are so easily accessible today yet are not, you know? Table manners are a pet peeve of mine too, slurping and slouching. Wearing a hat at the table or leaving a huge mess when at a restaurant. Whenever I host a party or guests in our home, I always try to adhere to proper etiquette because I think it enhances my guests experience without them even noticing. I could go on, but I am interested in hearing what others think. Its also funny to me, sometimes some of the wealthiest and most "society" people I know day to day are actually ruder than others who are not considered a part of that "circle".

Haha, I am sure I sound very uptight, I am not. I don't want 1940s Emily Post here, I just think we've lost a great deal of simple etiquette that would go a long way in our society. Also I am sure I do something that is considered poor manners to someone else, this is a very subjective subject.