Tell her you are getting worried about her memory because she has a tendency to repeat things.

I would say that you are concerned about her because she seems to be repeating herself a lot and would she consider getting evluated for dementia.

I know you regret your tone but sometimes people are so pushy they need the sharp response. When someone criticizes you for the 8th time, you are within your rights to react strongly. Tell DH to have a conversation with his mother about boundaries and respecting your parenting decisions.

Ignore!! If you respond to her each time she brings something up, you are validating that it's open for discussion. Just do a little "uh huh" and move the conversation along. Ignoring her will drive her batty and she'll be the one to snap.

I also like saying "I know you've mentioned that" every single time. Then send her to your DH. "Oh I'm not sure, you should ask DH".

Anonymous wrote:10:03, my FIL is here from another country for four months!

OP, I think what you said to your mother-in-law was fine, but maybe your tone was sharper than it could be going forward. I totally get the reaching your limit and then being exasperated. But you can make your point and just try to say it a tiny bit more calmly; maybe sooner than the 10th time your MIL repeats a criticism. Your DH needs to be more understanding about how much repeated criticism from his mother he can expect other people to stomach. You should feel free to politely pushback as much as needed, and also think about what PP said regarding mental faculties. Maybe your mother-in-law really forgets that she repeats herself over and over.

Yes, my tone was definitely sharp and I do regret that. I think she remembers what she said - she is a sharp cookie and gives no indication that her faculties are starting to loosen. She just has a habit of being pushy and won't let things go, even in the same conversation. It's always been like that with her. Once my husband and I were going to help her move, and as it turned out, when the time came, only my husband was going to help her because I needed to study over the weekend (I was a phd student at the time, and it was a small move as she lived in a furnished apartment). She kept pushing me to help her move instead, because she just knew that I would be able to reorganize my schedule and get my studying done. That was another time I snapped - how many times can one repeat "no, I need to study" politely in one conversation?!

She used to live abroad and visit for a month at a time. Then she moved back to the US, and that ended, thankfully! At least I don't have to deal with this for months at a time anymore. Thank you for that perspective!

10:03, my FIL is here from another country for four months!

OP, I think what you said to your mother-in-law was fine, but maybe your tone was sharper than it could be going forward. I totally get the reaching your limit and then being exasperated. But you can make your point and just try to say it a tiny bit more calmly; maybe sooner than the 10th time your MIL repeats a criticism. Your DH needs to be more understanding about how much repeated criticism from his mother he can expect other people to stomach. You should feel free to politely pushback as much as needed, and also think about what PP said regarding mental faculties. Maybe your mother-in-law really forgets that she repeats herself over and over.

Anonymous wrote:
The last time my MIL visited us, she kept going on about how my 3 year old is losing weight (she isn't, at least not according to her pedi). I kept my cool for the first 5 mentions and politely told her that we have her weighed regularly, but then finally on day 2 of her visit, I felt something snap inside me. For about the 8th time, she told me my daughter is losing weight and that I should not restrict how many sweets I give her. I told her "what can I do to convince you that she is not losing weight? Would you like to weigh her yourself? Do you think that I would put her on a diet?"

She immediately back tracked and said that he just says these kind out of habit. But my husband got mad that I was rude to his mom.

The problem is that she is always like that - if it's not one issue, it's another. Just just does not know when to back off. She arrives tonight for a 3 day visit - I will work hard to stay in my "happy place" the whole time. But now I am anxious that I will lose it again.

Any thoughts?

I have no suggestions, but I can give you perspective. My mother in law lives abroad and comes to stay with us for a month and a half every single year. Three days is not so bad

Thanks to all those who offered constructive feedback. I am grateful for the support.

"Yes, you mentioned that." Nothing else. I use this with my 3 yo too.

My mom does this. I just have to be direct with her. If she starts in on something you need to muster up the courage to politely but directly say "She's not losing weight and I don't want you to ask me about it again." It works wonders with my mom! I think she bristles a bit, but things we all get over it.

Try not to expect a negative visit or you'll be on edge the whole time, and may find yourself less patient with her than you are with others.

Just be direct with her, and let your dh deal with his own feelings.

You're going to need two things:

1) A mantra to say to yourself to keep you calm and unruffled (It's only 3 days...it's only 3 days) or whatever.

2) A canned response to this stuff. "Thanks Marie, but we've got this under control. Can I get you some tea?" Over, and over and over...

Your dh sounds like an ass who wants you to fear his mom. I think you reacted perfectly.

Really, OP? Are you so inept that you cannot manage one old lady? Yes. MILs are old ladies who do not have any power over you.

In reality, her opinions does not really matter in how you raise your child or run your household so there is no harm in listening, smiling politely and changing the subject.

Redirect her attention. Make her talk about her day to day life. Ask her about the challenges she faced as a mom or a new wife. Trust me, once they start, they cannot stop.

MILs need to be diplomatically managed. Get their opinion about everything. They will feel heard, your DH will think that you are nice to his mom, and then...they leave after their visit.

I'm reminded of my dad. When his memory started to go, he would become repetitive about things. It was honestly just at the top of his mind, and he didn't realize he was repeating himself. It sounds like your mil might be in a similar place.

For an issue like that, I would just say something like "doctor says she's fine!" and leave it at that. I'm sure it's annoying, but better to find a way to manage it before you blow your top. Hopefully they'll be some good suggestions here.

The last time my MIL visited us, she kept going on about how my 3 year old is losing weight (she isn't, at least not according to her pedi). I kept my cool for the first 5 mentions and politely told her that we have her weighed regularly, but then finally on day 2 of her visit, I felt something snap inside me. For about the 8th time, she told me my daughter is losing weight and that I should not restrict how many sweets I give her. I told her "what can I do to convince you that she is not losing weight? Would you like to weigh her yourself? Do you think that I would put her on a diet?"

She immediately back tracked and said that he just says these kind out of habit. But my husband got mad that I was rude to his mom.

The problem is that she is always like that - if it's not one issue, it's another. Just just does not know when to back off. She arrives tonight for a 3 day visit - I will work hard to stay in my "happy place" the whole time. But now I am anxious that I will lose it again.

Any thoughts?