Anonymous
05/21/2015 21:20
Subject: How should I handle this?
I think he was testing the waters and she turned him down. That's how it sounds to me...
Anonymous
05/21/2015 20:37
Subject: How should I handle this?
I would be bothered by the way he worded it. Why does he "wish" they could discuss over drinks? Sounds weird!
Anonymous
05/21/2015 20:31
Subject: How should I handle this?
I think the fact that you looked specifically at the text exchange upon seeing her name means you might have had some funny feelings about her to begin with. Wrongly or rightly. Or maybe she is just a symbol for some insecurity you are feeling in the marriage in general. I would talk to him about it and admit you were feeling insecure and snooped and that you need to talk to him about it. If he is a good husband and committed to you, he will want to communicate this if you bring up your fears.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 20:22
Subject: How should I handle this?
So, I'm in the minority...but I think that's inappropriate. I'd ask him about it, let him know I don't think anything of it...but would prefer he not make comments like that to female colleagues.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 19:38
Subject: How should I handle this?
Anonymous wrote:DH has a female friend at work, she's a bit younger but has a BF. I have met her at social events and she has always been nice. He doesn't ever talk about her at home, but turns out they text often but about work. They had an exchange going about a coworker they mutually hate and DH wrote "wish we could discuss tonight over drinks" and she replied "Another time". That was a month ago and rest of chain is general work related since then. I discovered the chain last night when he asked me to text his mom back. After I did I saw her name and casually opened the text and then started reading. 99.9% is benign random work banter.
Something just feels off about him wanting to have drinks with her - would this bother you? And if so - should I confront him or leave it be unless I get any other signs something may be going on? She doesn't seem at all like his type, but you never really know.
FWIW, I should add that we have 2 young DCs at home and if there is any chance something is going on between them, it must be during work hours as he is home every night by 5:30pm and never has "plans" with friends without me that I know aren't legit. Also, if he had something to hide I would think he would delete this text chain but maybe not??? We're not having any problems in our marriage, but of course with two young kids things can be stressful and we don't have a ton of time for one another.
So torn about how to handle.
I would just file this away in your memory bank. I wouldn't even say anything - just keep it WAY in the back of your mind. You saw the rest of their texts, and they were benign. He would say the same thing to a male co-worker, right? Maybe in a different way (ie, too bad we can't discuss over beers) OR you would say the same thing to a co-worker. So just leave it, but don't forget it.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 17:55
Subject: How should I handle this?
That sounds pretty innocuous to me. Really innocuous. Commiserating over a beer about an obnoxious colleague does not sound alluring at all. I would really just let it go. If there were something going on, you'd have seen it in the rest of their texts.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 17:49
Subject: How should I handle this?
Have you run to ground to confirm that there wasn't a legit work reason for them to have drinks that night? For example, is it possible that there was an event with a crowd of co-workers having drinks, and that what he meant was that they couldn't discuss that sensitive matter while they were all there?
Or many other legit explanations? Sunlight is the best disinfectant, and if he freely expects that you'll see it, then he didn't have a problem with it. I doubt he was up to anything.
Or many other legit explanations? Sunlight is the best disinfectant, and if he freely expects that you'll see it, then he didn't have a problem with it. I doubt he was up to anything.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 17:17
Subject: How should I handle this?
My husband's had drinks with female coworkers.
The key is, he's in love with me. So even if some chickie decided to proposition him, it wouldn't go anywhere.
Young women who want to get married and have kids are attracted to men who have done just that.
The key is, he's in love with me. So even if some chickie decided to proposition him, it wouldn't go anywhere.
Young women who want to get married and have kids are attracted to men who have done just that.
dancingsunflowers06
05/21/2015 17:09
Subject: Re:How should I handle this?
Hey there,
That is a tough spot to be in but I echo the other responses that encouraged you to just talk to him about it. Open communication is key in a marriage! I know what it's like to have to LO's at home and not much time for each other. Maybe after you clear the air, plan a few date nights just to have time together. That always resets my hubby and I, when we can chat without the kiddos around. Praying for you mama!
mommato2lilmonkeys
That is a tough spot to be in but I echo the other responses that encouraged you to just talk to him about it. Open communication is key in a marriage! I know what it's like to have to LO's at home and not much time for each other. Maybe after you clear the air, plan a few date nights just to have time together. That always resets my hubby and I, when we can chat without the kiddos around. Praying for you mama!
mommato2lilmonkeys
Anonymous
05/21/2015 15:15
Subject: Re:How should I handle this?
I have drinks with male colleagues and it never occurred to me to share with my husband, and there is NO WAY I would ever cheat on him. Often it is just easier to talk work with colleagues.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 15:12
Subject: How should I handle this?
Can you just keep any eye on his texts to her in the future?
Anonymous
05/21/2015 15:08
Subject: How should I handle this?
Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I think that is really good advice. I just don't want him to think I was snooping, which is pretty much what I was doing since the text caught my eye.
I don't know what your husband is like, but my husband and I rarely look at each other's phones or computers, etc. Rarely. But even if my husband snooped for some reason, it seriously wouldn't bother me because I've got nothing to hide. At worst, I might feel sad and possibly annoyed that he didn't trust me. But we'd work through that. If things are left to fester, though, it will take a LOT more work....
Anonymous
05/21/2015 15:05
Subject: How should I handle this?
Thanks, I think that is really good advice. I just don't want him to think I was snooping, which is pretty much what I was doing since the text caught my eye.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 15:02
Subject: Re:How should I handle this?
Ask him. He's your husband. Even if it feels awkward. Please. 99% chance it's really nothing. It could something as benign as a stupid, long-running joke at the office about drinking. You just never know.
However, I'm apparently in the minority on DCUM who thinks men and women can be friends without it leading somewhere it shouldn't. So take it for what that's worth.
But honestly, you need to clear the air on these things, or it's going to be a long, long marriage.
However, I'm apparently in the minority on DCUM who thinks men and women can be friends without it leading somewhere it shouldn't. So take it for what that's worth.
But honestly, you need to clear the air on these things, or it's going to be a long, long marriage.
Anonymous
05/21/2015 14:56
Subject: How should I handle this?
DH has a female friend at work, she's a bit younger but has a BF. I have met her at social events and she has always been nice. He doesn't ever talk about her at home, but turns out they text often but about work. They had an exchange going about a coworker they mutually hate and DH wrote "wish we could discuss tonight over drinks" and she replied "Another time". That was a month ago and rest of chain is general work related since then. I discovered the chain last night when he asked me to text his mom back. After I did I saw her name and casually opened the text and then started reading. 99.9% is benign random work banter.
Something just feels off about him wanting to have drinks with her - would this bother you? And if so - should I confront him or leave it be unless I get any other signs something may be going on? She doesn't seem at all like his type, but you never really know.
FWIW, I should add that we have 2 young DCs at home and if there is any chance something is going on between them, it must be during work hours as he is home every night by 5:30pm and never has "plans" with friends without me that I know aren't legit. Also, if he had something to hide I would think he would delete this text chain but maybe not??? We're not having any problems in our marriage, but of course with two young kids things can be stressful and we don't have a ton of time for one another.
So torn about how to handle.
Something just feels off about him wanting to have drinks with her - would this bother you? And if so - should I confront him or leave it be unless I get any other signs something may be going on? She doesn't seem at all like his type, but you never really know.
FWIW, I should add that we have 2 young DCs at home and if there is any chance something is going on between them, it must be during work hours as he is home every night by 5:30pm and never has "plans" with friends without me that I know aren't legit. Also, if he had something to hide I would think he would delete this text chain but maybe not??? We're not having any problems in our marriage, but of course with two young kids things can be stressful and we don't have a ton of time for one another.
So torn about how to handle.