Anonymous wrote:tipping is stupid

+1. I would like to get past tipping.

tipping is stupid

I would try to always bring cash, but if I forgot to, I honestly don't think I'd go to an ATM and return just to provide make-up cash. This problem is not yours to fix.

If your specific fear is that the server will spend all day wondering what he or she did wrong, I highly doubt it. A more typical reaction when a server sees a shitty tip is to say "well, that person's an asshole" and then get back to work or grumble to the buser about it.

Former Server: I generally expected a smaller tip from older generations. If it was bigger, I was pleasantly surprised.
Don't feel you need to go above and beyond, we see who's paying. But if it's important to you adding a couple dollars to the table as you're walking away or handing it to the server directly is fine.

I deal with the same thing when my Dad gets the bill, I usually come prepared with a $5 and a couple singles.
Funny story: my younger brother (early 30's) had been dating a new girl for a bit, and we all went out with my parents unexpectedly. When we finished, my Dad grabbed the bill and maybe left barely a fifteen percent tip. The three of us scrambled and she was the only one with cash and put down almost $20. They're still together and it turned around an initially poor impression of her, by how she handled the situation.

Servers know when they're bad or good. They probably just figure your il's are shitty tippers. It happens.

Id definitely accept a tip later in the night or the next day!

Stick an "emergency $20" in your wallet or car.

Anonymous wrote:OP here
If I dont have cash (last 2 times we were planning dinner at home after some activity and they insisted on taking us out), do I tell the server I'm coming back with cash and explain the situation?
I guess I'm thinking this poor server is going to be upset and think they did a bad job while I'm running to the ATM

Just always have cash.

Anonymous wrote:OP here
If I dont have cash (last 2 times we were planning dinner at home after some activity and they insisted on taking us out), do I tell the server I'm coming back with cash and explain the situation?
I guess I'm thinking this poor server is going to be upset and think they did a bad job while I'm running to the ATM

no, just prepare ahead of time. get cash and put it away for this purpose when you know the IL's will be there.

Why can't DH speak up to his parents? A lot of older people think 15% is a good tip.

OP here
If I dont have cash (last 2 times we were planning dinner at home after some activity and they insisted on taking us out), do I tell the server I'm coming back with cash and explain the situation?
I guess I'm thinking this poor server is going to be upset and think they did a bad job while I'm running to the ATM

yeah, get cash ahead of time and use the restroom on your way out to take care of it.

What you're doing or cash on
The table is fine.

And thanks!

I had friends who tipped like that when we were out in a group. I walked out with everyone, then said I was going to go to the ladies room real quick and just went back and added a $20 to the table.

If it were me, I would probably just make sure to get cash before I hang out with my inlaws, and then place some cash on the table right as we walk out the door. I don't think you owe the server any explanation.

So my In laws are horrible tippers.
They are in their 70's, insist on taking us out to eat a few times a year (not local), insist on picking up the tab (picture DH reaching for it, trying to pay a portion), and then tipping 5-10% without any complaint on the service. I only know about the poor tipping because I have overheard the conversation about how much to tip between MIL and FIL, and done the math in my head on what I figure the bill is.

There is no point in attempting to change them, I am not going to make a scene and demand to see the bill. They know what they are doing, they are both somewhat educated professionals, and they know better. They are just cheap. I just want to know how to handle it with the server and make it right.

What usually happens is I frantically tell DH what is happening without letting his parents know and we hatch a plan to run to the ATM, figure out who has cash, and then try to distract his parents while running after the server with more tip money. I usually apologize and say something with a smile like "in laws! I'm so sorry, you did a good job" and hand the money over.

Should I do this differently? A couple times we didn't have the money and had to go to an Atm and then back (it was $7 on a 6 person brunch for $75 and k was beyond mortified). Does it really matter to the server what the reason is?