Anonymous wrote:" Hi SIL, OP here. Just wanted to see if you had any questions for me about the public schools. As you know, (kids names) have had a great experience. I would be glad to help ease the transition to public if you think I can help."

Something like that makes it clear you are not offering to pay private school again, but is a nice offer to help transition to public.

This x 1,000,000

Don't approach and say you're not paying for the kids' school anymore if they haven't asked you. They will pretend they didn't expect it and act offended, and you will feel and look like a jerk. This PP has offered a perfect way to help, show you care, and show you aren't paying anymore.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Interesting reading the responses because both my husbands ideas and my ideas are represented. DH thinks we should say nada and let her sweat and say straight up no if she ever directly asks. I think we should just make it clearly known it was a one time payment because of circumstance and will not be repeated. I think I will go the route of asking if she has any questions about the public school and remain up beat and positive.

That ship has sailed. You should have told them that when you gave them the money. Say nothing.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Interesting reading the responses because both my husbands ideas and my ideas are represented. DH thinks we should say nada and let her sweat and say straight up no if she ever directly asks. I think we should just make it clearly known it was a one time payment because of circumstance and will not be repeated. I think I will go the route of asking if she has any questions about the public school and remain up beat and positive.

I would take your route. Why set them and the kids up for failure? I would be direct and say you were happy to help in a 1 time emergency situation as you didn't want to see the kids disrupted during the school year and hoped they could recover and continue to pay if they want remain at that school, but otherwise, they need to switch to public. I'd tell them that you cannot justify paying for private school for their kids and not your own.

And BTW, OP, just wanted to say I admire you and your husband for your kindness and generosity towards those kids. It's awful to have to leave school mid-year for financial reasons. It was nice of you to help.

OP here. Interesting reading the responses because both my husbands ideas and my ideas are represented. DH thinks we should say nada and let her sweat and say straight up no if she ever directly asks. I think we should just make it clearly known it was a one time payment because of circumstance and will not be repeated. I think I will go the route of asking if she has any questions about the public school and remain up beat and positive.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say a word. If she has the balls to straight up ask you for tuition money, I would remind her then that it was a one time float so the kids could finish out the year and you won't be paying future costs. Let her scramble!

This. Why do you need to gracefully end financial support? Doesn't sound like you made any promise to continue the support. It's absurd for them to even consider it. You have no obligation to "gracefully end support". It was a one time deal and that's that.

I'd start by being direct when she hints about how they can't swing Catholic schools and are worried about public schools- be upbeat and share your kids' positive experiences about being in public. Just assume that's the direction they are heading and she is feeling anxiety about the change.

If she comes out and asks you for the money for Catholic school for her kids you can firmly but kindly refuse.

I think if you assume she's looking for a payout and proactively tell her one isn't coming, you risk looking kinda jerky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say a word. If she has the balls to straight up ask you for tuition money, I would remind her then that it was a one time float so the kids could finish out the year and you won't be paying future costs. Let her scramble!

+1

+2 then I'd follow up with the pos suggestion that you offer any help or info to assist with the kids transition to the public school.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say a word. If she has the balls to straight up ask you for tuition money, I would remind her then that it was a one time float so the kids could finish out the year and you won't be paying future costs. Let her scramble!

+1

Just tell her, "Wow Jody, I wish Steve and I could afford to pay for Larla and Larlo to attend their catholic school against next year, but we're not even doing that for OUR kids. We just didn't want them to have to move mid-year. If only we all could win the lottery, right?"

" Hi SIL, OP here. Just wanted to see if you had any questions for me about the public schools. As you know, (kids names) have had a great experience. I would be glad to help ease the transition to public if you think I can help."

Something like that makes it clear you are not offering to pay private school again, but is a nice offer to help transition to public.

I wouldn't say a word. If she has the balls to straight up ask you for tuition money, I would remind her then that it was a one time float so the kids could finish out the year and you won't be paying future costs. Let her scramble!

The sooner you tell them, the better. They can look into financial aid for their kids, rent out a room in their home, etc. The gravy train has pulled into the station.

Does your SIL work?

Aren't payments due soon, or early summer?

Anyway. Just tell them the public schools are good enough in your experience, and that unfortunately you cannot afford to pay their children's tuition indefinitely, particularly as you are not doing this for your own kids!

As for their business picking back up, it may take far longer than you think. DH was out of work for 18 months, and took a lower-paying job in his field to get back to work. The economy still hasn't recovered, and may never be the same again.
Which does not mean that you should be helping them with tuition for ever

Background: last year my brother in law and sister in law hit hard financial times. They bought a new house and 3 months later BIL's business went extremely down hill (lost huge client that made up over 40 percent of his revenue) so the combo of bigger mortgage and greatly reduced income really was terrible. They were going to have to pull kids from their neighborhood catholic school mid year and DH and I stepped in and offered to pay out the year so both kids could finish the year. This was a gift and not a loan and don't want or expect any of this returned. However, I basically assumed they would either get their finances in order or seek out a new school (i.e.: public) for the kids next year. SIL is now dropping hints how they don't know what to do because they still don't have the means for Catholic school but are afraid to use public schools. I am frustrated for two reasons 1.) I know she's hinting at us to keep paying but we made a one time crisis payment. No one wanted kids pulled out mid year and it made sense for all to finish the year and re group. 2.) We use the same public schools for our kids and I feel a little bit of "hey its good enough for my kids why not yours?" However I know thats neither here nor there and not the issue at hand. I just feel like they've had 5.5 months to either find the money for school next year or enroll in public. I want to say something that gracefully states our financial support has ended. I don't want to be put in a desperate situation beginning of August when the first payment is due and SIL is hysterical.