I think you should go; your husbands objections don't soind reasonable to me. Can you encourage him to take a guys only trip in the near future?

I think that's a long time to go away. I would feel resentful, even without the financial concerns. Why not just do a weekend trip or something?

OP here again. How is that other moms seem to take girls trips? I know is not quite my situation, but I see other moms all the time heading to Jamaica or Vegas or some other such place and it appears to never be an issue with their spouse? How does one make this work in a marriage?

Financial issues aside, because quite frankly, with my mom giving me the money, it is no longer a financial decision. As for my mom being against it, she is anti-Castro, pro-embargo.

Your husband's objections are related to money and also to him preferring that you vacation together. Both of those are slightly legit, though if he is refusing to share financial information with you, it sounds like he is a little bit hypocritical. What are your mom's objections to the trip?

I have no opinion on whether you should go, but regardless of what you do, it doesn't sound like you should blame your husband for your decision. You laid out about ten reasons YOU don't really seem to think you should go, AND you said your mother thinks its a bad idea too.

It honestly sounds to me like you believe in your heart it is a bad idea to go but want to be able to blame the decision on someone else.

Anonymous wrote:You both sounds financially irresponsible and no matter how you spin it you live beyond your means.

Are you one of those people with a 250k income and a mega mortgage?

Actually, no.

And yes, it is Cuba.

I would definitely go if it were me.

Anonymous wrote: This is not a question of living beyond our means, just beyond our cash flow.

Okay, that aside - you sound selfish and I think you're being ridiculous wanting to go given everything you laid out.

sounds like you shouldn't go.

^^I missed the part about your mom offering to pay. You still shouldn't do it, especially since even your mom is pointing out you shouldn't go. Eight days is a long time for someone to have sole care of the kids. It is not OK at all to do it without his buy-in.

If your mom pays, you should go. Then it won't impact DH and the kids financially. It's not fair to complain about negative cash flow and then take an 8 day trip by yourself.


My bigger concern is your DH hiding the bills from you. My ex did that, too. It turned out that he didn't want me to see the phone bills, because there were strange calls on the log. The cable bill was full of charges for porn. He was cheating on more than just the utility bills. Secrecy around the bills is not a good sign -- even if it is only due to fiscal irresponsibility.

You both sounds financially irresponsible and no matter how you spin it you live beyond your means.

Are you one of those people with a 250k income and a mega mortgage?

If your family can't afford it, DON'T GO.

My mom was always resentful of my dad's financial (lack of) contributions to the family. In a weird kind of retribution, she decided to take me on a "trip of a lifetime" that cost several thousands of dollars. It took years for them to pay it off.

I get that you want to hang out with your BFF. But you shouldn't sacrifice your family's solvency to do it.

Honestly, this sounds like a mistake to me. DH's resentment won't be worth the experience. And all the talk about your finances seems off-point if this trip would be paid for by your mother. You clearly want to go, but it sounds like you'll be paying for it in other ways for a long time.

P.S. Pretty obvious this trip is to Cuba - why not just say so?

I have been harping on DH about our negative cash flow for many months, tracking everything we spend to figure out where our dollars are going. I can't get a clear handle on the bills because he has not given me the utility bills, on which he is the only name. I think this may be because he has been late paying a few times, but this is another issue. I think we would easily be cash positive if we ate out once time less per week and maybe put the cleaning people on once every two weeks, but I don't know for sure. A great deal of our cash flow goes into retirement savings and mortgage, but not actual cash we can touch. This is not a question of living beyond our means, just beyond our cash flow. It might mean we end up saving a bit less until the kids are out of preschool/child care.

I have a chance to take an 8 day trip with my best friend, who I see only every couple of years with our kids in tow, to a place that is exotic and I would ordinarily not go to, mainly because I have never thought about it. It is a part of the world that has only recently opened up to tourists. The trip is actually a "beta" trip to work out the kinks and is being offered to a very few number of people for a substantial discount, but would still run about $3k for me to go. Because of the discount and being able to go to this country early in its tourist stages, I consider this a once in a lifetime trip.

I am already taking a two week vacation with my husband and kids that has/is going to cost us big $$ this summer. That is part of where our cash flow has taken hits all spring, preparing for this trip. This solo trip would still be during summer and about a month later. DH is upset that the time I would spend on this trip would be time I could otherwise use for a trip with him and the kids. I am modestly concerned that my solo trip is a concern at my job, but I think I can make it work. I would not take more time off for the rest of the year, but I wouldn't be taking that time off with DH and the kids either. Today, my mom offered to pay for me to go, even though she actually doesn't think I should take the trip for her own reasons.

I honestly think DH's problem is that he is not being offered this opportunity and he would have the kids by himself for the eight days. I find myself in the position where I might have decided on my own not to take the trip, but given that I am trying to convince DH to be supportive and OK with me going, I find myself not being objective and talking myself into going.

I promised I'd make the decision on this trip yesterday because my BFF deserves a chance to get someone else to go with her before the slots fill up, but if I have to say no because DH won't let me go, I am going to be very upset with DH.

I could use some advice. TIA.