Given what you know about your parents' personalities, I'm not sure why your mind goes to "they don't like our company" as an explanation. You know why they don't see you--they are caretakers who are drawn to help those who need them most. So tell your mom that you need her, too. You're not in crisis, but you miss her and your kids miss her.

And if email isn't working, don't use email. Pick a date, ask her on the phone.

I'm so sorry OP. I also had to recently accept that my company is just not the most enjoyable option for my mom. It hurts. But she loves me and comes through when I need her, and she does put effort into a relationship that doesn't come naturally to her, so I accept it for what it is - a sincere effort of love. I wish it weren't such an effort, but I've got it better than most I suppose.

I think the above poster who suggested phrasing it in terms of needing her is a good way to go. Try to avoid anything that would sound like complaining or guilting her - that would make anyone feel defensive and it's not how to get someone to want to spend more time with you.

Yes, I think you should talk to her. I think if you approach it calmly, coming from your feelings and not accusatory it won't be seen as complaining or an 'attack'.
She likely has no clue you feel this way and may not even realize the unbalanced relationship she does have. Also, with your sister being close by, it is probably more obvious to your mother in what ways your sister needs the help.

I think parents sometimes think of one child has just being more independent and not needing their help so they focus on the ones that they think do need them. The don't realize that maybe all of their children need them, maybe in different ways, but still need them or just want them and ultimately are unintentionally neglectful to the other child(ren).

Im in a similar situation with my in-laws so I totally get why you're sad. I keep inviting them for specific things.

Agree with PP. Also, talk to her on the phone when discussing potential visit dates. It might seem more relevant to her than an email.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you need her. (Which is true, it seems) Tell her your children need her, that there is no replacement for her in their lives. (Also, true). Speak her language - don't complain, instead ask for help in building the family and relationship you want for your children. Good luck. Your parents sounds like good people.

This is great advice.

Tell her you need her. (Which is true, it seems) Tell her your children need her, that there is no replacement for her in their lives. (Also, true). Speak her language - don't complain, instead ask for help in building the family and relationship you want for your children. Good luck. Your parents sounds like good people.

Over the past year or so, my husband and I have realized that we don't have quite the close and strong relationship we thought we did with my parents. They live about four hours away, in the same town as my sister. My mom and sister are very close, and since neither my sister nor my mom work, they spend a lot of time together. My nephew sees his grandparents every day, and spends the night there a few times a month. My mom - and my dad too - have caretaker personalities - they really love to do things for others and be helpful. So they are also regularly traveling to help aging parents, cousins, and other family members. It feels like a real struggle to find time to see them. We have a young child and another on the way, and honestly, we always imagined that we would be visiting back and forth with my family often and that they would be a regular presence in our children lives. But it just hasn't played out like that. It feels like my parents are always allocating their time to the people that most need their help, and since we are never in crisis, we rarely make it to the top of their list. My mom told me a few weeks ago that she was coming down to visit this weekend, and her trip has turned into a week long stay with another relative to help, a three night visit with another sibling who lives 45 minutes away, and one night with us. We've been saying for at least a year that we really want them to come and just visit for a weekend - no projects, just enjoying each others company - and my mom just flat out hasn't responded to my multiple emails providing available dates.

I feel foolish for feeling sad about this. I really admire that my parents are such caring and giving people. But I'm starting to feel like maybe they just don't enjoy our company. And I'm sad that my children won't know them the way my sisters' do. I can't figure out how to bring this up with my mom without sounding like I'm complaining that she chooses other people over us, which just seems childish and silly. Should I just accept that they offer what they can, and be grateful for the time we do get? Or is it worth trying to say something about all of this?