Still figuring out the mail in this area. We mailed out the cards in what should have been plenty of time (to both of our moms - I bought, he mailed) but they are late, did not arrive. So...all around we suck this year I'm afraid. I even bought those cards early so that we could get good ones. Hopefully they get them tomorrow.

This is our first Mother's Day when we didn't live near our moms so it's been sort of different.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up watching my mother stress over shopping for all CHristmas', birthdays, anniversaries. teach appreciation week, other holidays for both her family and my dad's (her in-laws). SHe would become cranky, snappy and I hated feeling attached for XYZ just because she was stressed out for having to do it all...

In my first year of marriage, I told DH that if he wanted to give his family gifts or cards, he was responsible to the whole thing.He would have to buy, wrap, send... well - he could use the collection of stamps or wrapping paper I bought.

We've been married 20 years and I think he sent CHristmas cards to his family 1 or 2 years. He calls his mother on her birthday and Mother's Day but that's about it. His choice....His family...

attacked not attached.

I grew up watching my mother stress over shopping for all CHristmas', birthdays, anniversaries. teach appreciation week, other holidays for both her family and my dad's (her in-laws). SHe would become cranky, snappy and I hated feeling attached for XYZ just because she was stressed out for having to do it all...

In my first year of marriage, I told DH that if he wanted to give his family gifts or cards, he was responsible to the whole thing.He would have to buy, wrap, send... well - he could use the collection of stamps or wrapping paper I bought.

We've been married 20 years and I think he sent CHristmas cards to his family 1 or 2 years. He calls his mother on her birthday and Mother's Day but that's about it. His choice....His family...

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does not expect gifts but is obsessed with cards. Early in my marriage she called and berated ME for not sending her a birthday card from us that year. Not her son, but me. At the time I had a 5-month old and was working FT. She told me that as a young wife she always handled all the cards for her in-laws, and apparently expected the same of me.

Guess who never sent her a birthday or mother's day card after that phone call? The responsibility has remained with her son.

Similarly, one year early in our marriage I went and got all the Mother's Day cards as my H had been working long hours and weekends and I was going anyway to get them for my mom/grandmother.

His mother called and complained about the type of card. She apparently wanted a "funny" card. I had no idea Mother's Day was a humorous card type of event.

After that phone call, I don't care if he gets her a card and I have never again purchased one nor do I intend to. FFS, someone thought enough of you to pick out a card and mail it. Be happy with that.

DH wouldn't have even thought about mother's day even though his mom is in town this weekend. I bought her a card and gave her something small that my child made for her.

My MIL does not expect gifts but is obsessed with cards. Early in my marriage she called and berated ME for not sending her a birthday card from us that year. Not her son, but me. At the time I had a 5-month old and was working FT. She told me that as a young wife she always handled all the cards for her in-laws, and apparently expected the same of me.

Guess who never sent her a birthday or mother's day card after that phone call? The responsibility has remained with her son.

I take care of this in our house. Both my and DH's mom take a lot of time and put a lot of thought into buying gifts for others, including us, so I make sure to pick out something good. If I were a MIL I'm not sure how I would view this, though - I would probably assign equal blame.

When my MIL was alive I'd call her and ask what she wanted her son to buy her.

Then I'd buy it and he'd mail it.

I like to buy gifts for people. I suck at getting things in the mail on time.

My mother and sister in law have a whole gift culture thing.
Lots of games. Lots of resentment.

My mom will sometimes buy herself something and ask my brother for the $.
He is financially in a good place and I think she likes to remind herself and others of his financial success.
She often says his gifts are "generous" while mine are "thoughtful."

Anonymous wrote:I do Mother's Day and Fathers Day for my parents and his, as I could not send my parents something knowing my husband would not do so for his parents. However, birthdays he is responsible, so they get cards. Christmas he chooses gifts for his parents (or they dictate what they expect their kids to get them, but that is a different story!). I have never pondered what's MIL thinks of gifting responsibilities. I suspect she does not think of it at all.

My MIL doesn't allow for pondering--she comes right out and tells us what she'd like.

I do Mother's Day and Fathers Day for my parents and his, as I could not send my parents something knowing my husband would not do so for his parents. However, birthdays he is responsible, so they get cards. Christmas he chooses gifts for his parents (or they dictate what they expect their kids to get them, but that is a different story!). I have never pondered what's MIL thinks of gifting responsibilities. I suspect she does not think of it at all.

I remind my DH every year to order flowers for his mom at the same time he orders mine. He takes the kids and visits his mom sometime during the day since she lives nearby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about this. Do MILs blame their DILs for the lack of gifts on mothers day or other holidays?

I 100% take over Christmas and birthdays. DH doesn't think his mom needs gifts on Valentines Day or Mothers Day, so she only gets a card.

Depends how the MIL was raised. If she had handled all the gift-giving to her in-laws (like mine), she would think her DIL was lazy. My MIL was a SAHM until her kids were out of elementary and then worked FT as a WOHM so she has high expectations.

Similar. MIL several times told both me and DH what she had to do to satisfy her inlaws and said that we should be expected to do the same. Um, just because you were a doormat doesn't mean the same for us.

To answer the OP, no MIL doesn't blame me because DH handles all gift giving for his family.

I told DH he was responsible for gifts for his family. I take care of my family. It only seems fair. I do remind him of birthdays, though.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about this. Do MILs blame their DILs for the lack of gifts on mothers day or other holidays?

I 100% take over Christmas and birthdays. DH doesn't think his mom needs gifts on Valentines Day or Mothers Day, so she only gets a card.

Depends how the MIL was raised. If she had handled all the gift-giving to her in-laws (like mine), she would think her DIL was lazy. My MIL was a SAHM until her kids were out of elementary and then worked FT as a WOHM so she has high expectations.

I'm curious about this. Do MILs blame their DILs for the lack of gifts on mothers day or other holidays?

I 100% take over Christmas and birthdays. DH doesn't think his mom needs gifts on Valentines Day or Mothers Day, so she only gets a card.