Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Not acting like an overbearing psycho is a good first step.

Oh, okay. So none of you play even the tiniest part in all this relationship dysfunction? You're not at all accountable? And yet you complain about how un self-aware your mothers and MILs are? Good luck with that as you grow older and become the reviled crone.

13:50 here, I actually have a very good relationship with my MIL, specifically because we do the things that 13:47 and I both mentioned (which includes, yes, recognizing that there are places where MIL and I just grate on each other, and simply try to be sensitive to that). My own mother isn't capable of this, so we don't have a very good relationship at all.

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

You do realize that at least some of the people complaining here complain because of a lack of involvement by the grandparents. DH and I definitely do not revile his parents. However, we are hurt, he is especially since they are his parents, that his parents do not want to be more involved at getting to know our kids (their only grandchildren) and spending time with him, their son. Our plan, frankly, is to try harder when our kids are adults and to treat them like independent adults whose lives we want to be involved in. My in-laws don't do this with either DH or his sister and both of them are hurt by the lack of involvement by their parents and have really attached to their spouse's families since those relationships are much more involved and healthier.

Anonymous wrote:I plan to not be a bitch.

+1
I'm not passive aggressive and I don't have my son's whole life planned out so I'm not going to sit around waiting to be disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Same way I don't gossip about my own mother and to be honest while I do sometimes chat with my friends about the kooky things my MIL says and does, it is pretty harmless because she is well, a little kooky and very kind and sweet which I also always note.

Sometimes I come on this forum sort of like a PSA to give perspective of positive relationship situations with my IL and parents! And I don't have perfect families- I have divorced parents! But the malice is something that is easily avoidable by being normal. Unfortunately there seems to be a deluge of DIL who end up dealing with abnormal MIL!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Not acting like an overbearing psycho is a good first step.

Oh, okay. So none of you play even the tiniest part in all this relationship dysfunction? You're not at all accountable? And yet you complain about how un self-aware your mothers and MILs are? Good luck with that as you grow older and become the reviled crone.

You're right, I should just convert and be done with it. I mean, what right do I have staying Protestant anyway? I'm only doing it to annoy my MIL, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Not acting like an overbearing psycho is a good first step.

Oh, okay. So none of you play even the tiniest part in all this relationship dysfunction? You're not at all accountable? And yet you complain about how un self-aware your mothers and MILs are? Good luck with that as you grow older and become the reviled crone.

Can you just register and get the "BitterMIL" screen name already? You pop up here and your yammering is so not appreciated. I'm guessing it's the same IRL.

I plan to not be a bitch.

Anonymous wrote:I plan to be emotionally healthy, and respectful of my kids, their spouses, their kids and their family life. I think we'll be fine.

Yes. I have every faith that there will be bumps but we'll weather them because I will acknowledge the decisions my adult children and their spouses make as their own life choices.

Primarily, I will not treat them like children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Not acting like an overbearing psycho is a good first step.

Oh, okay. So none of you play even the tiniest part in all this relationship dysfunction? You're not at all accountable? And yet you complain about how un self-aware your mothers and MILs are? Good luck with that as you grow older and become the reviled crone.

It's certainly possible that the effects of menopause/aging have an unpleasant effect on some women's personalities. Frankly, though, I think that a generation ago, narcissistic people didn't opt out of parenting the way they do today. It means that some of today's adults grew up with real lemons for parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Not acting like an overbearing psycho is a good first step.

Oh, okay. So none of you play even the tiniest part in all this relationship dysfunction? You're not at all accountable? And yet you complain about how un self-aware your mothers and MILs are? Good luck with that as you grow older and become the reviled crone.

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Well, in my mom's case, I would revile her less if she didn't call me stupid and crazy.

If you're my MIL, just give it a rest that I'm not Catholic and understand I'm not trying to condemn your son to hell.

You could start there.

Anonymous wrote:I plan to be emotionally healthy, and respectful of my kids, their spouses, their kids and their family life. I think we'll be fine.

+1. I also plan to accept the fact that my children's spouses may not adore me, that we may not be a great personality mix, and respect their rights to be their own people, and recognize their preferences/priorities/styles as equally valid. Meet them halfway instead of judging them for not being just like me.

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?

Not acting like an overbearing psycho is a good first step.

I plan to be emotionally healthy, and respectful of my kids, their spouses, their kids and their family life. I think we'll be fine.

How does it feel to know that one day you, too, will be reviled for just wanting to spend time with your adult children and get to know your grandchildren? If that's not your "plan", then please tell me how you intend to avoid being avoided and gossiped about by your own children and their spouses?