PP here. By the way, I would not attend your wedding if nursing babies weren't allowed. Just a heads up since you're talking about an infant.

Anonymous wrote:No random babies is fine. No niece/nephew is just weird.

It is a small wedding. 21 people. I would also imagine it is a nighttime affair. I love kids but I don't think they belong at night time events.
This might just be an American thing (or maybe a me thing) as I know in many cultures kids are expected to be at all events no matter the time of day.

No random babies is fine. No niece/nephew is just weird.

Don't say prefer. Just say it is a no kids wedding. Don't give her the option.

And maybe have your fiancé email her and her husband rather than you doing it.

Dont proactively tell her to bring the baby home. Make it clear its adults only and wait for her to ask. Then say no.

You absolutely can say you are having a no child or baby wedding. Just do it. She will indeed be a drama queen about it but whatever.

Anonymous wrote:I think its reasonable. But then Again I'm more than happy when 2 year old DS isn't invited to a wedding. I was pretty much thrilled when my SIL (DH's sister) pulled the adult ot card when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I have a feeling I'm an outlier though

You are not alone. I was recently invited to a wedding and the person said they were sorry but they didn't think there would be room for kids.
I wasn't bothered at all. In fact I didn't expect to be invited with DS. He is 6 and not at all a night owl. I would have had to leave early with him in tow.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you have to say the "to keep the focus on us" part.

Just tell her (not now, but when your invitations go out in or 10 months or so) you are having a very small adult only wedding.

End of story.

Agreed. I've noticed some people word the invite "adult reception" to avoid any confusion. I like that. We addresses invites to adults but still had people calling and asking to bring their kids

No need to invite baby to such a small wedding. Don't do it out of spite though, be the bigger person. If you really don't want kids/babies there then power to you.

I don't think you have to say the "to keep the focus on us" part.

Just tell her (not now, but when your invitations go out in or 10 months or so) you are having a very small adult only wedding.

End of story.

I think its reasonable. But then Again I'm more than happy when 2 year old DS isn't invited to a wedding. I was pretty much thrilled when my SIL (DH's sister) pulled the adult ot card when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I have a feeling I'm an outlier though

Don't do it to "get back at her" for prior actions on anyone's part.

But yes, if you do not want children there, make it clear on the invitation that it is for Mr. and Mrs. xxx, and make the RSVP __/2 accept/decline, then spread the word around with other family members that this is an adults only affair.

You can definitely request it, but she might end up stealing the show anyway by throwing a tantrum. It also might make you look petty.

I understand your impulse, but I would just invite them both.

Too long, didn't read. But the only way you get to tell someone they can't bring their baby is by addressing the invitation to them and their date/spouse/live in only.

After four years together, I recently got engaged to a wonderful man, and our wedding is scheduled for July 2016. We are planning a very small ceremony and reception, with a total of only 24 guests, mostly family. My fiance's SIL (soon to be my SIL I suppose) just announced that she is pregnant (with her first), within weeks of us announcing our engagement. She has a history of "stealing the show" when it comes to family affairs, and also of excluding my fiancé and I from family related events that she organizes [for example: she often has parties, and will invite my fiance's sister and parents, who live three hours away, well in advance, but does not invite us until literally the last possible minute, and we often have to work nights, which she knows, and then are unable to attend, etc. At her wedding, last summer, she had several bridesmaids, one of which was my fiance's sister, but I was not included in the bridal party, despite knowing her for many years. Onviously it's her prerogative who gets to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, but she then used it against me, saying that because I was neither in the wedding, nor actually part of the family (again, despite having been dating her then-fiance's brother for three years at that point), I was not allowed to attend the rehearsal dinner, or the pre-wedding "family only" brunch.]

It occurred to me, once she announced her pregnancy, that when our wedding happens, she will have a baby (judging by her due date it sounds like baby will be about 8/9 months old at the time of the wedding). I have been to a wedding before that was utterly ruined by babies screaming the entire time. No one else coming to the wedding has a child. I am not anti-children, but I'm acutely aware of the possibility of the baby not only "stealing the show", which future SIL seems to LOVE to do anyway, but also SIL being stubborn enough not to leave if the baby starts screaming in the middle of our vows, etc.

What hadn't occurred to me was that I might have a say in whether baby is allowed to attend the wedding. I just read through the "toddler at wedding" thread in the general parenting discussion section, and many posters said things like "are you sure it's okay with your SIL that the toddler attends the wedding..." And then I realized that maybe I have some say here. I know she'll be miffed, but it is my wedding, and she went so far as to exclude me from her rehearsal dinner and brunch, so I don't honestly feel that bad about it. Future SIL's parents, who are super active and also extremely excited about their first grandchild, live nearby and will not be attending the wedding, so I'm sure they could watch the baby.

So, can I tell SIL, as politely as possible, something like "I'm super excited to be an aunt, but we've planned a very small ceremony for adults only. We are thrilled to invite you and (fiance's brother) to our wedding, but hope you'll understand that we would prefer it if you left your little one at home so we can keep the focus on (fiancé) and I, just for our wedding." ?? Well, my wording is a bit clunky, but you get the idea. Can I ask that of her, or is such a request unreasonable?