Well, do you lack common sense? Because that's frustrating as a parent to deal with in a child. other people are far more forgiving of this because they don't deal with it on a continual basis.

I am not being mean but you need to consider that you might possibly. I have a good friend. She is brilliant and very book smart but she lacks quite a bit of everyday common sense. She knows it and acknowledges it. It is frustrating at times to be her friend and I see her family get very frustrated as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to post it, because I don't want it to be identifying, but my dad is not doing well. It would hurt him a lot if I cut ties with her....so I'm waiting.

Stop with the excuses. The sooner you cut her off, the stronger you'll be to take care of your dad. You'll be happier and a be a better daughter to him. And I'm sure he is a nice guy and I'm sorry he isn't doing well, but why are you so worried about someone who hasn't protected you from your toxic mother? This didn't just start recently. My guess is that your mother has been treating you like this your whole life. Why didn't your dad leave her? Why was the toxic behavior allowed to continue? You can still be a good daughter to him AND cut her off.

I can't take care of my dad. I can't even see him. They aren't local, and even the airfare strains out finances. If I can't stay at their house, I simply can't afford to visit.

To another PP, she's wonderful with my children. Loves them, spoils them.

And yes, when I confront her, she calls me a bitch.

You are an idiot. You are a bad mother to expose your kids to her.

Sorry, but all your posts point to it.

Therapy to help guide you to cut her out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to post it, because I don't want it to be identifying, but my dad is not doing well. It would hurt him a lot if I cut ties with her....so I'm waiting.

Stop with the excuses. The sooner you cut her off, the stronger you'll be to take care of your dad. You'll be happier and a be a better daughter to him. And I'm sure he is a nice guy and I'm sorry he isn't doing well, but why are you so worried about someone who hasn't protected you from your toxic mother? This didn't just start recently. My guess is that your mother has been treating you like this your whole life. Why didn't your dad leave her? Why was the toxic behavior allowed to continue? You can still be a good daughter to him AND cut her off.

I can't take care of my dad. I can't even see him. They aren't local, and even the airfare strains out finances. If I can't stay at their house, I simply can't afford to visit.

To another PP, she's wonderful with my children. Loves them, spoils them.

And yes, when I confront her, she calls me a bitch.

Oh . Op I'm so sorry. My mother is a little like this and I know how much it hurts me. Is she good to your kids? Does she say this things about you to your kids? And what was your DHs response.
Also, this has NOTHING to do with you.

Your mom is an asshole. Some of us get bad draws in the parent lottery. Just tune her out as best you can. Sorry about your dad. Your mom may feel stressed because of his situation and she may act out worse. Consider her as a bit mentally ill, which she probably is, and interact with her politely like you would a stranger.

Anonymous wrote:If you cannot cut ties now, why don't you confront her and tell her to stop? Point out when she does it. Tell her you won't continue the conversation. If she doesn't stop, don't engage in conversations with her.

In my vast experience (sadly not ironic), confrontation with somebody determined to treat you the way they choose to treat you only leads to them escalating. IMO, changing your behavior without telling her a thing about it is the only thing that works. Working with a therapist who can help you strategize, think through and implement change was helpful for me. Life changing even.

I am a big, big fan of silence, and non sharing of information with habitual abusers, which is what your mom is. If she doesn't know it, she can't criticize it ( well, not with your help anyway).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to post it, because I don't want it to be identifying, but my dad is not doing well. It would hurt him a lot if I cut ties with her....so I'm waiting.

Stop with the excuses. The sooner you cut her off, the stronger you'll be to take care of your dad. You'll be happier and a be a better daughter to him. And I'm sure he is a nice guy and I'm sorry he isn't doing well, but why are you so worried about someone who hasn't protected you from your toxic mother? This didn't just start recently. My guess is that your mother has been treating you like this your whole life. Why didn't your dad leave her? Why was the toxic behavior allowed to continue? You can still be a good daughter to him AND cut her off.

+1.

If you cannot cut ties now, why don't you confront her and tell her to stop? Point out when she does it. Tell her you won't continue the conversation. If she doesn't stop, don't engage in conversations with her.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to post it, because I don't want it to be identifying, but my dad is not doing well. It would hurt him a lot if I cut ties with her....so I'm waiting.

Stop with the excuses. The sooner you cut her off, the stronger you'll be to take care of your dad. You'll be happier and a be a better daughter to him. And I'm sure he is a nice guy and I'm sorry he isn't doing well, but why are you so worried about someone who hasn't protected you from your toxic mother? This didn't just start recently. My guess is that your mother has been treating you like this your whole life. Why didn't your dad leave her? Why was the toxic behavior allowed to continue? You can still be a good daughter to him AND cut her off.

You are living your life to please other people.

I didn't want to post it, because I don't want it to be identifying, but my dad is not doing well. It would hurt him a lot if I cut ties with her....so I'm waiting.

You need some therapy OP. I'm really sorry. You deserve to be treated respectfully.

Not sure why you would wait to cut her off. Would you allow someone to continually belittle and hurt your child(ren)? Why should their mother put up with it?

The advice is to stop dealing with her. Put your efforts into cutting ties.

I don't even know where to begin. How about just a list of the things she's told me in the past week?

1. I need to see a doctor because I keep getting colds. And that if I won't take her advice on that, not to talk to her.
2. I shouldn't be spending money on vacation because I complain how much childcare costs.
3. I'm one of the stupidest people she's ever met (ok, she told DH that about me).
4. If I don't bring my child, I might as well not even come visit.
5. I'm "crazy".
6. She knew I'd be a bad mother.

I am pretty sure she's the cause of my low self-esteem since none of this is new, but for various reasons, I simply can't cut her off. I'd love to, and maybe in a few years.....

Any advice on dealing with toxic people like this?