Anonymous wrote:is it just me or do first generation people feel like they have to do EVERYTHING for their parents? Mine constantly ask me for help from everything to paying bills to paying stuff for them. I feel like i HAVE to do it or otherwise i'm not a good person.

Seems like "reverse helicopter parenting". Either let me help in a way that is efficient and gets the bills paid on time or I'll start looking into a home for you. Your choice.

is it just me or do first generation people feel like they have to do EVERYTHING for their parents? Mine constantly ask me for help from everything to paying bills to paying stuff for them. I feel like i HAVE to do it or otherwise i'm not a good person.

Staples sells personal bill tracker binders, that may help.

I haven't used them (so far Mom has been staying pretty on top of her bills, and doesn't have so much volume that I can't help her out at this point), but I received a recommendation for Everyday Money Management - http://www.everydaymoneymanagement.com/, which sounds like what you're looking for.

I did email them with a question about another resource, and they were super-helpful about providing me information. So ... a positive interaction.

Anonymous wrote:OP: If it were just a question of doing the logical thing (me paying, making a list, auto pay) I would have done it already. I think she has issues giving up control and I also think she has some basic organizational issues...no matter how I arrange things she always lets it go, gets overwhelmed, forgets stuff, etc. That's why I was thinking having someone other than me sit down with her and set up a system might be more successful...was looking for a name or a type of advisor.

There are services out there (sorry can't give a name) that handle this for a fee, e.g., for people who are traveling. But the forgetfulness and disorder in an aging parent raise a warning flag. Any way to get your mother to bring this up with her GP?

Honestly, I've never heard of anyone who provides this kind of service specifically, especially not for any kind of affordable rate. It sounds like you're basically looking for a part-time personal assistant for her.

OP: If it were just a question of doing the logical thing (me paying, making a list, auto pay) I would have done it already. I think she has issues giving up control and I also think she has some basic organizational issues...no matter how I arrange things she always lets it go, gets overwhelmed, forgets stuff, etc. That's why I was thinking having someone other than me sit down with her and set up a system might be more successful...was looking for a name or a type of advisor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you set up automatic bill pay for things? That can be done one time on the computer. Then you just have to make sure that she has the money in her account.

I used to use a spread sheet where I had all of my bills listed out and their due dates. I had a column for each month and I just checked them off as I paid them. This helped me keep track of everything and remember those bills that only happen a couple of times a year.

She doesn't want to do auto pay. I did it anyway for her health insurance. But these are the kind of battles I think might be better with someone neutral. She does not use a computer which is why it's hard to come up with a way to organize it for her. I created a grid of bills, etc. and she lost it. She writes everything down on a pad.

Tell her you will pay them. Then set up autopay. Out of curiousity, what is her objection exactly?

If timeliness is the heart of the issue, can you call each vendor/creditor to reschedule so that all bills fall due on the same day? Then it's just once a month for her to sit down & write checks all in one go. Make a checklist for her to use as she completes each one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you set up automatic bill pay for things? That can be done one time on the computer. Then you just have to make sure that she has the money in her account.

I used to use a spread sheet where I had all of my bills listed out and their due dates. I had a column for each month and I just checked them off as I paid them. This helped me keep track of everything and remember those bills that only happen a couple of times a year.

She doesn't want to do auto pay. I did it anyway for her health insurance. But these are the kind of battles I think might be better with someone neutral. She does not use a computer which is why it's hard to come up with a way to organize it for her. I created a grid of bills, etc. and she lost it. She writes everything down on a pad.

Can you set up all electronic logins and pay yourself? Get rid of all credit cards and use only debit cards (so no 'bill' to pay, though i know there are drawbacks).

Anonymous wrote:Can you set up automatic bill pay for things? That can be done one time on the computer. Then you just have to make sure that she has the money in her account.

I used to use a spread sheet where I had all of my bills listed out and their due dates. I had a column for each month and I just checked them off as I paid them. This helped me keep track of everything and remember those bills that only happen a couple of times a year.

She doesn't want to do auto pay. I did it anyway for her health insurance. But these are the kind of battles I think might be better with someone neutral. She does not use a computer which is why it's hard to come up with a way to organize it for her. I created a grid of bills, etc. and she lost it. She writes everything down on a pad.

Can you set up automatic bill pay for things? That can be done one time on the computer. Then you just have to make sure that she has the money in her account.

I used to use a spread sheet where I had all of my bills listed out and their due dates. I had a column for each month and I just checked them off as I paid them. This helped me keep track of everything and remember those bills that only happen a couple of times a year.

I think it would be better to have someone other than me organize my mom's finances…by this I mean setting up bills to be paid, etc. I've tried to take it over and she doesn't want me to but she seems overwhelmed by the task of organizing and paying things on time. We end up fighting every time we try to deal with it. We have someone at her bank who is managing her IRA, etc.

She's alone now that my dad died and I think he used to do everything. She does not use a computer so setting it all up that way does not work. I'm at my wits end.

Any recommendations of a specific person or the type of place to look for someone?