My wife never wanted to get married. She was happy with us living together but I pushed for marriage. After a few years I could see how unhappy she was and how hoard she tried -- but she was simply not the marriage type. We parted lovingly and I still love her (20+ years later and a very happy second marriage for me).

"Random" is a good word. I think a lot of what makes a marriage work, or not, has a lot of randomness to it - kids, no kids, stressful events, lucky breaks, good or bad health. If you stick around for the long haul, it can change in ways you never expected and have little control over.

And I'm a couples therapist FWIW.

I was raised to believe that marriage is for life. So, the term “starter marriage” is silly to me. My “starter marriage” has been going strong for 35 years. Hopefully, for many more. Our two kids are very happy about the fact that their parents have remained married, despite the tough times.
Hopefully, my two kids will have the same perseverance in their marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started my starter marriage at 21. Was done by 30, but stuck around. Now planning 50th anniversary celebration.

There's a current thread about having kids while "young," in your 20's. That's what we did, and were empty nesters by mid 40's. Life's been great, ever since!

Sorry but what do kids have to do with this thread?

So random.

My then husband had a pyschotic break while I was pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a popular term, I'm surprised other PP's haven't heard it.
From what I've seen, the end usually comes pretty early on, within 2 or 3 years. Someone takes the reins to be really honest about how they are feeling and it opens the floodgates a bit. How long have you been married?

I have heard the term. I just think it--and anyone who uses the term--is breathtakingly stupid.

+1. The marriage is over the minute you start thinking of it as a "starter" marriage. If you think of your first home as your forever home, when problems arise, you're going to find ways to get around them (building an addition, finding ways to maximize space, etc). If you think of marriage as your forever marriage, you'll do the same.

Anonymous wrote:I started my starter marriage at 21. Was done by 30, but stuck around. Now planning 50th anniversary celebration.

There's a current thread about having kids while "young," in your 20's. That's what we did, and were empty nesters by mid 40's. Life's been great, ever since!

Sorry but what do kids have to do with this thread?

I started my starter marriage at 21. Was done by 30, but stuck around. Now planning 50th anniversary celebration.

There's a current thread about having kids while "young," in your 20's. That's what we did, and were empty nesters by mid 40's. Life's been great, ever since!

First time hearing it. It's dumb. Starter home makes a lot of sense as a term. Starter marriage does not.

Anonymous wrote:This is a popular term, I'm surprised other PP's haven't heard it.
From what I've seen, the end usually comes pretty early on, within 2 or 3 years. Someone takes the reins to be really honest about how they are feeling and it opens the floodgates a bit. How long have you been married?

I have heard the term. I just think it--and anyone who uses the term--is breathtakingly stupid.

This is a popular term, I'm surprised other PP's haven't heard it.
From what I've seen, the end usually comes pretty early on, within 2 or 3 years. Someone takes the reins to be really honest about how they are feeling and it opens the floodgates a bit. How long have you been married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you go in with the idea of a "starter" marriage, then it's already over before it began.

+1
When did you decide this was just for practice?

+2 What a ridiculous term.

Anonymous wrote:If you go in with the idea of a "starter" marriage, then it's already over before it began.

+1
When did you decide this was just for practice?

If you go in with the idea of a "starter" marriage, then it's already over before it began.

I feel like ours is pretty much over but we haven't taken actual steps to end things. Sad but resolute. Looking for stories from people who've btdt. Wha happened? How did you know it was the end?