Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

You don't have to be best buddies. You just need to be family, respectful and caring.

PP here. You are exactly right and that is what I aim to be. There is some hurtful history to deal with because DH's mother has made racial comments and gossiped about my family to others in their circle in the past. She did not think it would get back to me and was mortified that it did. DH's sisters have also made (less hurtful, but awkward) comments about me. I have chosen to let it all go, however, because we are family and I really want this to work.

That's great. Hopefully they have grown and are better. Whether or not they articulate regret, I hope they know better.

Sometimes people say really stupid stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

You don't have to be best buddies. You just need to be family, respectful and caring.

PP here. You are exactly right and that is what I aim to be. There is some hurtful history to deal with because DH's mother has made racial comments and gossiped about my family to others in their circle in the past. She did not think it would get back to me and was mortified that it did. DH's sisters have also made (less hurtful, but awkward) comments about me. I have chosen to let it all go, however, because we are family and I really want this to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

You don't have to be best buddies. You just need to be family, respectful and caring.

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

This is my exact situation with my DH's sisters. Over time, tension has given way to light chatter and an amicable atmosphere, though not outright friendship. DH chose to marry someone (me) diametrically opposite to the women in his family and I am not sure we will ever all be best buddies. Just not much in common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

No OP, but I think a lot of people - including myself - don't have the best sterotype of "preppy sorority types." Obviously blanket generalizations are typically not the best thing to have, but The fact that it's even called a "type" says something, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

NP here. I have a low opinion of the type as stare-in-your-face, snifflier than thou.....at my $200. an ounce French perfume. LOLZ.

But seriously, OP. Give it time. Are you new to the family? I don't think it is you, FWIW. I think they may have an opinion of people who are different than them.

How old is this sister in law? She must be pretty young to still be involved in greek life. Maybe as you both get older you will have more in common with her. Give it time, don't force it. Be patient.

Sounds like your judgements and insecurities are gettin the best of you. She's never actually been rude to you right? I can read people pretty well and I don't bother with people who make snap judgements against me and don't bother to get to know me. Sounds like she's the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

Well, I don't automatically think people will judge me unfavorably due to my heritage. Its just that my DH makes comments about how his sister is snobby and how she doesn't look favorably upon people who aren't like her. I just realize that I happen to be not preppy and foreign with no experience in greek life. So I surmise she may possibly be judging me on that.

Your DH might not have the best most fair understanding of his sis. Base your judgements of people on what you KNOW and OBSERVE yourself.

And also he's probably basing things on his childhood impression of her, childhood mistakes and biases. I'd hate to think people assume my 16yo self is the same person I am now. But siblings often have these kinds of roles. It's weird that your DH is cultivating this kind of mistrust. Was he more of a "black sheep" and she more of a "golden child/people pleaser"? That would explain his resentment and dismissive attitude toward her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

Well, I don't automatically think people will judge me unfavorably due to my heritage. Its just that my DH makes comments about how his sister is snobby and how she doesn't look favorably upon people who aren't like her. I just realize that I happen to be not preppy and foreign with no experience in greek life. So I surmise she may possibly be judging me on that.

If that's really how she is, I don't think there's much hope for a better relationship between the two of you, and I question why your DH is subjecting you to so much interaction with someone who's never going to be kind to you.

But if that's really off base, try to find something good in her. Something you like, something you admire. Odds are there's something you can find, very few people are so truly irredeemable in all respects. Focus on that as a starting point and a way to connect with her, and that might help you form a better relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

Well, I don't automatically think people will judge me unfavorably due to my heritage. Its just that my DH makes comments about how his sister is snobby and how she doesn't look favorably upon people who aren't like her. I just realize that I happen to be not preppy and foreign with no experience in greek life. So I surmise she may possibly be judging me on that.

Your DH might not have the best most fair understanding of his sis. Base your judgements of people on what you KNOW and OBSERVE yourself.

You're letting your insecurities get in the way of a good relationship. You're looking for reasons behind the tensions. The reasons are your own insecurities. She doesn't have a problem with you. YOU have a problem with you. Get over that and you will make life for everyone a lot better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

Well, I don't automatically think people will judge me unfavorably due to my heritage. Its just that my DH makes comments about how his sister is snobby and how she doesn't look favorably upon people who aren't like her. I just realize that I happen to be not preppy and foreign with no experience in greek life. So I surmise she may possibly be judging me on that.

Anonymous wrote:I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?

Perhaps you need to let this ''sense'' of yours go. The fact you have it could be that you expect others that are the opposite of you judge you for that. Some will, but many won't.

Oh, and I also wonder if you in fact have a low opinion of preppy sorority types.

I love my DH very much but I always feel awkward around his sister. She has never been weird with me but I can sense we have some tension because we are such different people. She's super preppy sorority girl and I'm a very urban, not southern foreigner. We have nothing in common accept my DH. Advice?