Anonymous wrote:OP here- it's not that I enjoy their company - it's that DH is hurt that they won't come, and at every chance I can I try to make it work (including cancelling plans to open up a weekend for them if they do insist only on a particular date). He doesn't want to offer up the bedroom either, and knows it's just another excuse.

I just feel bad that dh is hurt that they don't make an effort. I never want to be perceived as getting in the way.

It's not just an excuse. Many people don't want to sleep on a mattress in a living room.

If you think it's fine to sleep on the mattress in the living room, why don't you do it? If its good enough for them, why isn't it good enough for you?

You shouldn't be making your elderly parents sleep on a mattress in the living room. I wouldn't want to visit you either.

What happens in the morning when you and your kid wake up? Is the living room closed off entirely or do they get woken up?

People in their sixties get achier easier. If you want guests, improve the guest quarters. No way should yr kid get a bedroom while your parents are on the living room floor.

Why can't you move your DC's bed out and put the in laws in there on the queen mattress when they visit? DC could easily sleep in your room on the floor. That's what I did as a kid.

Either they just don't want to, or there's some issue they aren't telling you about. Some people really like their space, especially as they get older and have medical conditions that they don't want to explain to you.

I would offer them a hotel room just to rule out the possibility that they aren't comfortable in your space. Then you can feel like you went the extra mile and it's not your responsibility to fix this.

They don't want to visit. You have done what you can personally. It is not your responsibility to fix DH's relationship with them or hurt feelings.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you keep trying to get them to visit? Do you like them otherwise?

What does your DH say about it? How often do you visit them?

They're telling you pretty clearly that they don't want to visit. Perhaps it would work better if they stayed in a hotel when they come.

This. You don't need to give up your bedroom. It's time that your DH faced the fact that they don't want to visit. You need to step back and let your DH deal with this reality.

I think it's weird you don't offer them your bedroom. I don't think I could ever ask my parents to sleep on a mattress in the living room. Maybe they don't find you inviting and don't see the point in visiting.

I think they don't feel comfortable with the space. They would probably feel more comfortable if there was a guest bedroom.

Have you considered putting them up at a hotel for a couple of nights instead? They might like that option better -- own bathroom, own space, etc.

OP here- it's not that I enjoy their company - it's that DH is hurt that they won't come, and at every chance I can I try to make it work (including cancelling plans to open up a weekend for them if they do insist only on a particular date). He doesn't want to offer up the bedroom either, and knows it's just another excuse.

I just feel bad that dh is hurt that they don't make an effort. I never want to be perceived as getting in the way.

When I had a condo and no guest room, parents and in laws got the master bedroom. No way could we 20-30 year olds have our parents sleep on the floor.

Is your living room separate from the family room or is it the only one? I seriously would be weirded out to stay in a mattress on someone's family room floor. What about moving a kid out of their room and having them bunk with you and you let your in laws sleep in there?

Why do you keep trying to get them to visit? Do you like them otherwise?

What does your DH say about it? How often do you visit them?

They're telling you pretty clearly that they don't want to visit. Perhaps it would work better if they stayed in a hotel when they come.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to sleep on the floor either. Some people don't travel well. I am one of them. The solution is for you to go visit them. Stay in a hotel so you're not bumping elbows.

God I wish I had this problem. I have the opposite.

They just don't want to come. It sucks but if they wanted to be there they'd find a way.

Since you are all so brutally honest -

ILs have always come up with excuses not to visit. They can't board the dog. They need a quiet weekend at home. The drive is long. The drive is expensive. They need a weekend to go shopping. The list goes on and on. They are part time retired, so their time should be fairly flexible and have friends and family nearby who are happy to watch the dog. We drive up very often for birthdays, holidays, just because...

We live in a townhouse with small kids and no guestroom. So we bought a mattress (a real one, not an air mattress) to use in the living room with guests. There's a bathroom and tv there and we go to bed early while they are night owls, so there's really no conflict in space. The latest excuse for not visiting? "We're too old to sleep on a mattress on the floor". They pride themselves in being "too young to be grandparents"(they're in their 60s and have no physical ailments).

So DCUM - am I now supposed to offer them my bedroom in order to encourage visits? I've never been offered a host's bedroom, and it seems odd to me to do so. Am I a bitch if I don't? I'm a private person and a bit protective of my space so I'm uncomfortable with that. Besides the fact that our bedroom has no tv and they "can't" sleep without one. And since we like to go to bed earlier than them (before 10) it doesn't logistically work well to switch.