I don't know OP - I think there is something to the conclusion you and your husband reached, especially if you started off at 85% against.

Trust your gut.

I have two kids, primarily because my husband really wanted them. I love them. But I miss so many things about my child-free life, and I don't feel that my worth as a person, or place on the planet, or sense of self is significantly changed by having become a mother.

If you and your husband know you don't want kids - great. Good for you. Live a wonderful life. Be great aunts and uncles. Be happy. Cool.

OP, you should never have watched someone else's children - - and thought it had anything to do w/ having children of your own. BIG MISTAKE

Anonymous wrote:
The big flaw in your reasoning, OP, is that you presume that looking after kids that are not your own is the same as looking after yours. Obviously, it's the only option for childless couples wanting to try things out.
However, if ever you have your own children - realize that you will suffer through hellish situations just for love of them. You'll never do that for someone else's kids!

+1000. Well said, PP.

I have four kids. The first two were accidents and the second two were planned. A toddler and six year old are a LOT more work than older kids. Plus, they are off their routine and picking up on moving stress from their parents. Plus, some kids are the types who have tons of energy and will destroy a room while some kids are the type to lay on the floor coloring for an hour.

For all the hard work the rewards are like no other. Luckily I have a strong marriage and can say with complete honesty that the last 9 years of being a parent have been the happiest years of my life.

Your sister's life and home are geared to kids. She has also had years of 24-hour a day training in these particular kids. It is not as hard for her..except for the days it is much harder.

One day kids may be taking care of parents. So the work is an investment. You may also relate to these kids better once they are older kids, teens, college age, etc.

The truth is, OP, people will complain about anything.
Take all the whining here with a grain of salt.

It is very different with your own kids.

Agree with you OP. Watching other people's kids is soul crushing. It put me off having kids for a long long time. I still don't have them but am starting to wonder if maybe my own kid would be somehow better. Either way, the childfree life is amazing and cannot be disregarded as an option.

Yeah but... By 2.5 and 6 you're used to the work and don't notice it as much. I mean, you do, but it's just life now so it's not as exhausting as it is for someone who isn't used to it as a matter of course.

Also, when they're yours, the work is worth it. Watching someone else's kids almost never is, LOL. Not trying to change your mind... But when it's your own kids it's really not as bad. You would have gotten over the "omg I had no idea it was so much work" hump YEARS ago if they were yours.

The big flaw in your reasoning, OP, is that you presume that looking after kids that are not your own is the same as looking after yours. Obviously, it's the only option for childless couples wanting to try things out.
However, if ever you have your own children - realize that you will suffer through hellish situations just for love of them. You'll never do that for someone else's kids!

It's different when it's your own kids. No question it's a lot of work but also big rewards. I've got two in college now so have been through all the phases.

But if everyone took this approach, the human race would end. Getting through those tough early years is a necessary evil that the majority of us should be going through.

DH and I have been married for 5 years. We were 85% sure we don't want children.
My sister had the oppurtunity to make a spur of the moment trip to Portland to visit her husband (he restationed there...they'll join him in a month) and asked if DH and I would watch my nephews-ages 2.5 and 6.
They were with us for a week.
Good God. It is A LOT of work. Props to you parents. I don't know how you do it.
They left this afternoon. DH and I looked at each other and simultaneously agreed that we are not starting a family.
I often hear people on DCUM discuss how they had no idea how hard parenthood would be.
Try it for a week!! You might get your answer.