Anonymous wrote:Op, it sounds like you feel like you SHOULD do it, but do really WANT to do it. Is that accurate?

I have a similar professional background and realized I am not good at making decisions because I often think in terms of what I should do. Lately I have been trying to focus on what I want to do.

What do you WANT to do? Do that.

Meant to say in first line but don't want to do it

Op, it sounds like you feel like you SHOULD do it, but do really WANT to do it. Is that accurate?

I have a similar professional background and realized I am not good at making decisions because I often think in terms of what I should do. Lately I have been trying to focus on what I want to do.

What do you WANT to do? Do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think I'd try the promotion because of this "Will have rights of return to old position if this does not work out." - if you can go back to the old position with zero issue, then why not make the choice that leaves both doors open? Also, just one thought - could you adjust the hours from 9-6 to 7:30 to 4:30? It's a pretty common govie schedule and would allow an early departure and arrival home

11:51 here. There are many valid reasons not to try the new position, even given the wonderful safety net of the old job. That level of responsibility is a game changer on your time and stress level. And it also harder to go back pride-wise and reputation wise than just saying no at the outset. It is certainly possible to try, but I don't think in OP's case it would be in her best interests. I think people (esp in DC) have a really hard time of not advancing at every chance they get, even if they are content (and perhaps moreso) in their current position. I get pressured to supervise or go SES all the time. I am truly flattered that people value my work, but I love being non supervisory and able to telework and take sick days almost whenever I need to. I also have a Masters from an Ivy, and am used to being surrounded by people striving for bigger titles. For my own life, I love having flexibility and a substantive position, while still making good money. I think we Americans often have a hard time realizing a good thing, and associate lack of ambition with poor work ethic to a fault. It is so unhealthy.

PP here - totally understand your view point. I'd still take it - not because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy to advance and get praised for doing it (I also have an undergrad and master's from top ivy), but because it reads that in five years she'd have a gazillion doors open for her. Yes, she's only a mom for a brief period before the kids go to college and if she truly loves to work (which I do too and I've bounced around trying to find something I love that also lets me see my family a ton AND also has a career path potential to it) then I would very seriously consider the leap depending on what those options are in five years - is it a challenging job that is super flexible? Is it a meaningful role where I'd feel I was really giving back etc. I've just seen a lot of women take steps back with kids (as have I) and if she is someone who LOVES to work it's so hard to keep your foot in the door for when the kids go to college and you want to really re-engage. Just my two cents. p.s if the jobs in five years suck, I'd stay where I was.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think I'd try the promotion because of this "Will have rights of return to old position if this does not work out." - if you can go back to the old position with zero issue, then why not make the choice that leaves both doors open? Also, just one thought - could you adjust the hours from 9-6 to 7:30 to 4:30? It's a pretty common govie schedule and would allow an early departure and arrival home

11:51 here. There are many valid reasons not to try the new position, even given the wonderful safety net of the old job. That level of responsibility is a game changer on your time and stress level. And it also harder to go back pride-wise and reputation wise than just saying no at the outset. It is certainly possible to try, but I don't think in OP's case it would be in her best interests. I think people (esp in DC) have a really hard time of not advancing at every chance they get, even if they are content (and perhaps moreso) in their current position. I get pressured to supervise or go SES all the time. I am truly flattered that people value my work, but I love being non supervisory and able to telework and take sick days almost whenever I need to. I also have a Masters from an Ivy, and am used to being surrounded by people striving for bigger titles. For my own life, I love having flexibility and a substantive position, while still making good money. I think we Americans often have a hard time realizing a good thing, and associate lack of ambition with poor work ethic to a fault. It is so unhealthy.

Personally, I think I'd try the promotion because of this "Will have rights of return to old position if this does not work out." - if you can go back to the old position with zero issue, then why not make the choice that leaves both doors open? Also, just one thought - could you adjust the hours from 9-6 to 7:30 to 4:30? It's a pretty common govie schedule and would allow an early departure and arrival home

Anonymous wrote:If your husband said he'd support you, I think secretly he wants you to take the job.

fair trade off considering he handled the load for 5 years

OP here. The salary is basically a wash since Im eligible for promotion in my current position and will soon earn 100k (raises are guaranteed yearly, per my contract). The promotion would be much worse on him since I will not earn much more than I do now, but he will have to pick up a ton of slack at home since I will no longer get off at 4pm and do pick-up and start dinner each day. He's actually a really good guy and wants me to be happy (he also earns a ton and was happy when I dropped out of the workforce entirely). I am happiest as a working mom -- it's just figuring out where I fit in.

Thank you PP for you advice. I think you are correct. I love my current position. Various mentors are pushing me into this new promotion -- it would disappoint all the people who advocated for me to get it (I never asked for it). So there is an element of pressure to take it since it would be huge. But I agree 6pm exit sounds awful now that I am used to leaving at 4pm and teleworking whenever I want.

Thank you, DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the feedback.

I should have said that my background is: I have both a JD and Masters degree from a top Ivy. I also had approx 6 years of work experience (biglaw + Hill committee job). I worked my Behind off both in school and before I left the workforce. Then I took a full 5 years off (frankly, I was burned out and didn't think I'd ever want to work again). But turns out I love to work. It's just I don't like long awful hours. I like balance. My current job is a DREAM - esp since I can stay here for life if I want to. It's just hard to be offered a golden ring again. I hate the idea of being stressed out.

What a great story OP! So nice to hear!

If your husband said he'd support you, I think secretly he wants you to take the job.

fair trade off considering he handled the load for 5 years

I wouldn't do it. You already answered this yourself in most recent comment. You like your current job and value balance more than title. You have achieved a lot already - don't do this just to follow other people's idea of accomplishment. Read your 11:25 post again. I hear you wanting to stay in current pisition, but feeling pulled to do what every one else would do. If you were bored in current job, calculation may be different. Working until 6pm is not family friendly and I say this as someone who works at State and is surrounded by it. I feel like an island of normal surrounded by workaholics.

I had the opportunity to from around $200k to about $400k by basically going from 8 hour days to 16 hour days plus weekends. That wasn't worth it, but this seems like a modest and normal increase. I'd do it.

OP here. Thank you for the feedback.

I should have said that my background is: I have both a JD and Masters degree from a top Ivy. I also had approx 6 years of work experience (biglaw + Hill committee job). I worked my Behind off both in school and before I left the workforce. Then I took a full 5 years off (frankly, I was burned out and didn't think I'd ever want to work again). But turns out I love to work. It's just I don't like long awful hours. I like balance. My current job is a DREAM - esp since I can stay here for life if I want to. It's just hard to be offered a golden ring again. I hate the idea of being stressed out.

The optionality here makes this a no brainer.

Gosh, being a SAHM for 5 years while being able to return to the workforce later in a well paid position would be a dream. How did you do it? Most people warn me that if one gets off the ladder in law, it's a permanent exit.

I would take the promotion. You have nothing to lose. You can even go back to your old job if the promotion doesn't work out. Why the dilemma?

Can I have your old job? And how did you swing all this? What's your background?

Background: SAHM for 5 years, landed a chushy state government job (lowish pay, but flex hours). Now offered a giant promotion (in title, not necessarily pay).

Today:
Earn 83k (will promote automatically to 95k in 7 months, lockstep due to seniority). Work on interesting issues, but considered anonymous on the totem pole of the organization.
I work from home 1 day a week. Otherwise, my hours are: 7:30-4pm. Never over 40/wk. Good people, if anything people strive to work less than more (state service, after all). Learning substantive law that may be marketable in the future. But can stay here for the rest of my career, if I desire. Very low stress and low key position.

Possible Promotion:
Earn 105-110k (5% raise a year, automatically). HUGE title and responsibility promotion (will oversee massive govt programs). Will work generally 9-6pm, with flurry of work occasionally that will require working late and some weekends from time to time. Will have rights of return to old position if this does not work out. This position is considered a bit jump-off point to doing a lot of different work in the future. You can parlay this into a huge career changer in 5 years or so.

What would you do? I have a 4yr old son and a very helpful DH who promises to help should I move to higher position. Current commute sucks (30-45mins each way),but we are looking to move to make my commute 15 minutes within the year.

Is it worth it? Remember, I really value time at home (e.g. I stayed home for 5 years, opted out of the rat-race for 5 years wherein I did NOTHING but be a mommy. I guess I kicked butt this year and been offered this promotion).

At a crossroads...would love to hear form folks who have BTDT.

Thanks!!!