Are you in the DC area? The Women's Center in Vienna can help you with divorce planning and support.

I am not a lawyer -- you need to consult one for accurate information. But I just got divorced and here is what I recall. Assets that he had before the marriage will remain his unless they are comingled into other finances (your marital home may qualify, but it might not). Any assets gained after the marriage are fair game. This WOULD include the marital home (with the possible exception of the inherited down payment). It doesn't really matter whether you are on the deed or not, it is community property.

In Maryland, you have the right to stay in the marital home for up to three years after the divorce. He can not kick you out. However, I don't think you can kick him out either...

Don't try to do a collaborative divorce. He will skewer you by getting legal counsel and you won't know what hit you.

You may not get much alimony == probably a max of about 3-5 years, but you should get significant child support.

Start stashing away your own money NOW. Open a bank account in your name only. Remove assets from your joint accounts and put some away for you. You will need it for your legal fees. When you go grocery shopping, get cash back. Purchase gifts cards when you buy groceries for target and giant, etc. -- that you can use if he cuts off funds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call the police. Your kids are in danger. You need a lawyer.

+1

+2
Document everything. Take photos of broken things if you can. Record audio with your phone when he's screaming at you (again, if you can).

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that to many I am below contempt for staying. However, would you mind very much saving the shaming? Your contempt couldn't possibly make me feel any more wretched than I already feel. I was just looking for legal insight.
My husband is becoming verbally abusive, screaming at me in my face. He hasnt touched me but he's broken house hold items, doors etc, all in front of the kids.

Document this. It is considered assault, especially if the items are thrown in your direction (doesn't have to hit you to become assault). Next time this happens, call the police. And call the police every time after that. Then, when you're ready to leave him, you will have all this evidence that he's abusive.

Source: I wrote a paper on this. I interviewed a woman who divorced an emotionally abusive man. She wishes she would've documented everything he did (similar to what you describe). She didn't and he played way too many games with her in court.

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer. Now.

This.
Got to do it. Don't worry about "shame", just do it.
You are in much better shape than you might think.

Lawyer. Now.

Anonymous wrote:Call the police. Your kids are in danger. You need a lawyer.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that to many I am below contempt for staying. However, would you mind very much saving the shaming? Your contempt couldn't possibly make me feel any more wretched than I already feel. I was just looking for legal insight.
My husband is becoming verbally abusive, screaming at me in my face. He hasnt touched me but he's broken house hold items, doors etc, all in front of the kids.

There are none here with a right to judge you for the decision you made. You did what you felt was right, you had three small ones to consider and only you know whether you, on balance, made the best choice for you and your children. You should let the criticism slide off of you just like the water slides off a ducks back.

Call the police. Your kids are in danger. You need a lawyer.

OP here. I know that to many I am below contempt for staying. However, would you mind very much saving the shaming? Your contempt couldn't possibly make me feel any more wretched than I already feel. I was just looking for legal insight.
My husband is becoming verbally abusive, screaming at me in my face. He hasnt touched me but he's broken house hold items, doors etc, all in front of the kids.

Wait, so let me get this straight, your husband was having an affair before you were married and at the same time you were having 3 of his children (those 5 years), Then you found out about and you decided to stay with him. Then after you forgave him for the first affair (which was during your entire marriage/while engaged) he went on to have a second affair with a wife of a couple you are friends with? Are you asking the question about the deed because you are planning to divorce this looser? I hope to hell that is what your plan is!! That was a side tangent, so to answer the main question, NO, you can't not force him to put your name on the deed now. It will have to be sorted out when you get divorced (if that is the plan).

You don't trust him because your name is not on the deed, but you stay after a few affairs? Sounds like you like the lifestyle more than your self esteem. If you haven't divorced him yet, why are you worried about what "might" happen later? I don't think you're going anywhere...

Anonymous wrote:Of course your name wasn't on the deed, unless you signed for it at closing.

No, you can't force him to do it. The divorce judge can sort it out though.

I'd just had a baby, was very very sleep deprived and it just never occurred to me until we were in a conversation about something else. I know, ditzy but we moved here from another country where you can be on the title deed without signing. I trusted him completely.
So are you saying that, in the event of a divorce, our first house will be deemed communal property.

Of course your name wasn't on the deed, unless you signed for it at closing.

No, you can't force him to do it. The divorce judge can sort it out though.

We bought our first home just after we had our first child. I was a SAHM and, granted, my husband paid the deposit and the mortgage.

I found out 5 years and 3 kids (twins) into the marriage that he was having an affair which started 2 months before we were married and continued for 5 years afterwards. His plan had been to divorce me after one year (according to him marriage plans were too far gone to stop them) to be with his OW. As it turned out he never had the guts to do it until I found out.

To cut a very long story short (which included another affair with the wife of a couple who were our friends) we stayed together and we have since bought a second house and rented out our first. In the meantime I've worked on and off (stopping for 3 years after each birth) in the last 13 years making decent money ($250k+) and contributing to the home.

I recently found out that my name was never on the deed of the first house. I just don't trust my husband (funny that) and I want to know if I can make him add my name to the deed or if I have to rely on his benevolence? He's already told me he will not do it.

In the interest of full disclosure, he is from a wealthy family and has paid hefty deposits for both our homes from money he inherited. I don't know if this makes a difference.

We live in NOVA.

Any advise would be very much appreciated.