Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Check into Great Danes? Not sure what crisis would require that you pick up your dog, if it's not a little yippy thing.

I have many of these same criteria. My concern about GDs is short lifespan.

I've picked up my dog before. He injured his leg and I needed to get him to a vet, so I carried him down the stairs and out to the car. As a single person whose child was too small to carry the dog, I don't know what I'd have done in that circumstance with a Great Dane.

So no one should get a Great Dame lest they injure their leg?

Anonymous wrote:It's not time to get a dog, OP.

C'mon people. Lighten up.

Anonymous wrote:Check into Great Danes? Not sure what crisis would require that you pick up your dog, if it's not a little yippy thing.

I have many of these same criteria. My concern about GDs is short lifespan.

I've picked up my dog before. He injured his leg and I needed to get him to a vet, so I carried him down the stairs and out to the car. As a single person whose child was too small to carry the dog, I don't know what I'd have done in that circumstance with a Great Dane.

OP here. I didn't say the dog has to satisfy ALL those criteria! Just "as many as possible."

It's not time to get a dog, OP.

My dog meets all those criteria.

He's a rescue mutt. Probably a mix of herding dog and spaniel.

standard poodle might be worth considering too, though they do require grooming because they don't shed. More of a pro than a con though. Have you had any dogs before, OP? What did you have?

OP, in all honesty, I don't think you're cut out for a dog, unless you pass a list of characteristics that your potential dog has for you. Seriously.

Actually you described my dog. She is a rescue mutt. If I could clone her I would as she is great. She was with a foster so we got a lot of good info about her before we adopted her.

Boston terrier!

Check into Great Danes? Not sure what crisis would require that you pick up your dog, if it's not a little yippy thing.

I have many of these same criteria. My concern about GDs is short lifespan.

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This should work

True. I should have added:

- Not a cat. (Or a robot dog).

A cat would satisfy most of your criteria.

After many dog-less years, we think it is time to get a dog. Wondering if anyone has suggestions of dogs breeds or mixes that satisfy as many as possible of the following insane list of criteria:

- Not prone to obsessive whimpering, barking, furniture chewing, etc.; mellow and calm
- Not prone to neurotic neediness, but affectionate and cuddly without being
- Not prone to getting into unprovoked fights with other dogs; Friendly and gentle to kids and other animals; not
- Not a little yappy thing
- Not slobbery
- Not excessively prone to emitting noxious gases
- Not possessed of such a small bladder that it requires walks ever two hours
- Not so long-haired that it must be taken to the groomer weekly or it won't be able to see and its hair will spontaneously form dreadlocks
- Not so tiny that it can be confused with a rodent
- Not so large that an average-sized woman can't pick it up and carry it down the block in a crisis
- Not so strong that a ten or twelve-year-old child can't control it on the leash if it spots a squirrel
- Not so hound-y that it is perpetually up-ending the trash cans
- Not so dumb as to be untrainable
- Not so smart that it will chew up a library of priceless first editions if it decides you're not providing it with sufficient mental stimulation
- Not so slothful that it refuses to walk more than 30 feet in inclement weather
- Not so energetic that it requires five mile runs on a daily basis
- Not such a dedicated wanderer that it will resurface in Alabama if allowed off-leash for a millisecond
- Not such a Houdini that it will perpetually be digging holes under the fence and chewing through closed doors when it decides it would like to go out

I think I am probably leaving some criteria out but you get the idea. Do such paragons of canine perfection exist?