Charles and Camila seem happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.

That is one reason why i am afraid of disturbing the current arrangement... I do not want to be married to my DW and I want to spend the rest of my life my AP... But we don't want to destroy our spouses and 7 kids. How would you feel if you saw your spouse hold someone like they are truly in love with that person? And you never have shared that level of closeness with your spouse.

If there was an easy way... We would do it now.

Hmmm - guessing one of you had 3 kids and one had 4 kids with spouses you never showed that level of closeness with. So maybe you guys aren't the best judge of what it takes to be in a committed relationship.

I have suffered over 20 years in a committed relationship before I got involved with my AP. And my AP was involved in a "commited" relationship for over 15 years. What is your definition of a commited relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Thanks, this makes sense. AP has a child, we do not have kids and I am seriously wondering why we would considering what is happening right now. Problem is that on both sides the marriages look great on paper and inlaws are wonderful but both AP and I are not being fulfilled sexually or emotionally. We both are coming to the conclusion that we are meant to be together but it's going to be extremely painful and embarrassing (not to mention costly) to bust up what we have. So for now it's just mind blowing sex and companionship with each other a few times per month.

I also have a very similar situation and was wondering how you get away those few times a month? Do you use work as a reason, etc? I am just curious, because I feel like my chances to get away and see my AP are very limited. Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Thanks, this makes sense. AP has a child, we do not have kids and I am seriously wondering why we would considering what is happening right now. Problem is that on both sides the marriages look great on paper and inlaws are wonderful but both AP and I are not being fulfilled sexually or emotionally. We both are coming to the conclusion that we are meant to be together but it's going to be extremely painful and embarrassing (not to mention costly) to bust up what we have. So for now it's just mind blowing sex and companionship with each other a few times per month.

Thank you, OP for asking this question. These are answers I wasn't expecting to hear, but nonetheless, they are important. I have an AP and of course I dream of spending the rest of my life with him, as we have so much in common and feel like we are soul mates. However, he spent 20 years in the military and his DW stood by his side without complaint (most of those years he spent deployed) and he feels like he owes her and for that reason I don't think he would ever leave her. I'm married as well, but am working my plan to leave my husband, but not because of my AP. It's a long, complicated issue that's been going on for years. For now we just sneak out to spend time together, whether it's hot hotel sex, lunch dates, fun at the beach, etc. We just have fun being together.

Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman.

My mom is married to her AP. They've been married for 20+ years, are not financially ruined, and for all intents and purposes, their marriage looks like any other long-time marriage.

Us kids are not complete fuck ups (we all have good jobs, do interesting things, and are otherwise functional members of society), but I do think we all struggle with knowing how to act in our own relationships, having not had good role models growing up. I know I have guilt, shame, self-esteem, and commitment issues as well, but I try to keep those hidden.

Holidays are hard. They are made harder by the fact that my dad is single, and I feel guilty if he is alone. Sometimes we do the holidays as one big family, but I feel awkward that my dad has to spend Christmas with his ex-wife's AP and his kids (and grandkids), just so that my dad can see his own children and grandchildren.

So I guess, yes, my mom and stepdad had a successful affair, but not without consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.

That is one reason why i am afraid of disturbing the current arrangement... I do not want to be married to my DW and I want to spend the rest of my life my AP... But we don't want to destroy our spouses and 7 kids. How would you feel if you saw your spouse hold someone like they are truly in love with that person? And you never have shared that level of closeness with your spouse.

If there was an easy way... We would do it now.

Hmmm - guessing one of you had 3 kids and one had 4 kids with spouses you never showed that level of closeness with. So maybe you guys aren't the best judge of what it takes to be in a committed relationship.

Why not just wait until your kids are grown? Surely this great love can survive that long.

If you count your own happiness as enough, sure. But would you really be happy if your children lost respect for you and permanently loathed your new spouse? Perhaps if you could cover it up forever and ever, but the truth has a way of getting out.

And, of course, you would have to live with the knowledge that you are married to someone willing and able to cheat. I don't know how happy you could truly be under those circumstances.

Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.

That is one reason why i am afraid of disturbing the current arrangement... I do not want to be married to my DW and I want to spend the rest of my life my AP... But we don't want to destroy our spouses and 7 kids. How would you feel if you saw your spouse hold someone like they are truly in love with that person? And you never have shared that level of closeness with your spouse.

If there was an easy way... We would do it now.

I know success stories in that the new couple is better suited - but at the expense of devastating their kids and spouse.

I know several who married. I don't know if I'd call them happy. Most have alienated their kids.

Wondering if anyone here has ended up with their AP and successfully navigated the hardship and turmoil associated with breaking up two families? Success would mean ending up married and happy.