Do you think she plans to give you a check once you buy a ticket?

She may very well remember she offered but realized after the fact she can't really afford it either and is hoping you won't bring it up. Just say you can't afford it, you'll send a gift and you can't wait to see them at the wedding. It seems excessive to pay $350 ++ to attend a shower.

Anonymous wrote:I would understand if this was your boss, but it's your mother. Just ask her if she forgot that she offered to pay. What kind of relationships do you people have with yours parents for crying out loud. They used to wipe your ass!!!

I was thinking the same dang thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP here - I don't normally ever ask my parents to pay for things for me, and they normally don't offer, so I just feel awkward and uncomfortable about reminding her. But I appreciate the suggestions and will do it indirectly the way you suggested.

Why cant you be honest with your mother?

Anonymous wrote:"Remember mom, I told you I can't afford both the shower and the wedding? I'm a little sad about it."

Yes, something like this. I wouldn't remind her she said she would pay (she has forgotten, and the likelihood that she will all of a sudden remember is low, while the odds of offending her, seeming ungrateful or like you are asking for money could be high)

If you just say wih regret that you can't go to both (roof, surgery), if she wants to offer, she will.

I would understand if this was your boss, but it's your mother. Just ask her if she forgot that she offered to pay. What kind of relationships do you people have with yours parents for crying out loud. They used to wipe your ass!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not be honest? I don't understand how this is horribly awkward. Ask her if she remembers your conversation and remind her that you can't afford another plane ticket.

+1

+2

Anonymous wrote:Why not be honest? I don't understand how this is horribly awkward. Ask her if she remembers your conversation and remind her that you can't afford another plane ticket.

+1

"Remember mom, I told you I can't afford both the shower and the wedding? I'm a little sad about it."

This is your mom- just tell her. "Mom, when we spoke in March I thought you had offered to pay for the ticket because we just can't afford it after Jim's surgery etc. Maybe I misunderstood. Anyway, I am just not going to be able to swing it but I'd love to send her a beautiful arrangement for the party. What flowers do you think she'd like best?

Just be upfront with your mom and sister and say you cant afford it due to circumstances just describe. Maybe she will remember, and if not you just dont go. They should be understanding of this.

Why not be honest? I don't understand how this is horribly awkward. Ask her if she remembers your conversation and remind her that you can't afford another plane ticket.

Just say you can't afford it and she'd offered to pay.

My sister is getting married this summer, and I've brought airline tickets and rented a hotel so that me, my husband, and our three kids can attend her wedding. It is a big expense, but we want to be there for her. She's also having a shower in May, which would require another flight and hotel. I expressed reservations about going to the shower due to finances, and my mom offered to pay for my airline ticket. I was very appreciative and said, great, thank you so much. Yesterday, my mom asked me if I had purchased a ticket yet and told me that I needed to buy one soon because they were over $350 and she didn't want it to be too expensive for me. I guess maybe she forgot that she had offered to pay for it previously, and I had accepted? I feel like I can't possibly remind her because it would be horribly awkward, and I know that she's under no obligation to buy me a ticket, whether she promised or not. But I can't really afford another $350 right now (DH just had surgery, which required a substantial copay, and we also recently needed rather expensive repairs to fix an issue with our roof). I feel like, given this change of circumstances, I need to decline the shower and just send a nice gift. But I don't know how I would explain this, given that the only change in circumstances is that my mom changed her mind or forgot about paying for the ticket. What should I do?