We're Christian, but have probably been to around 20 Bar/Bat Mitzvahs for friends of our kids/kids of our friends, and our kids have been to many more. We live in close-in MoCo where the parties skew over-the-top (e.g., party at night at the W or Four Seasons with an after-party concert or rock-climbing expedition for close friends and then an overnight at the hotel for the kid's very close friends and then buffet the next day including parents of kids who didn't go to the party the night before, etc., etc., etc.) Oh, and often there are fund-raising events before the ceremony for the child's Mitzvah project.

OTOH, we've gone to some that are more laid-back -- e.g., buffet supper in the back yard with games for the kids, or dim sum lunch at a Chinese restaurant for kids and adults, then a low-key party in the evening for the kids at a community rec center, or buffet supper and dancing for kids and adults at the temple, or -- this was really fun -- party in a county park with kickball for everybody, dads' band, plus taco truck and make-your-own ice cream sundae bar.

As a guest, I've found the latter are the most fun -- families are less stressed and there isn't an element of one-upsmanship, which seems to enter into some of the fancier parties.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have any great ideas for a lower key and less expensive party?

Nice kiddish for all comers and your friends right after.

Kids party at your home in the evening, with only your closest friends invited (and family), as well. Buffet light dinner. Basically your standard Christmas party kind of thing.

I got a tent and enclosed the deck so I would have an additional extra room.

I asked my kid what he wanted, and then I did that.

Anonymous wrote:Most of the ones we attend could be inter changed with Miami, NY, or NJ.

Hotel, catered, DJ or band, games, photo booth etc

Not at all true for us in Arlington. My son's party, and the parties of his friends, were low-key affairs, mostly at home.

Anonymous wrote:My experience is in VA they tend to be lower keyed than in MD. But, it might just people the people I know (in MD, they are mostly rich relatives; in Va, they are like me).

The Bat Mitzvah we are planning for later this month will feature a luncheon at a decent restaurant for about 80 people with a DJ, photo both, and photographer. We are also hosting brunch on Sunday for out-of-town people. Total cost in going to be about 18K.

It will be a nice party -- definitely the nicest I have hosted, but within our budget.

At some congregations, they have the Kiddush lunch which is hosted by the family, but open to all. That would not work at our temple because it is too big -- usually two children with B'nei Mitzvah on a Saturday Morning, which means there would be two hosts with different ideas

We belong to a synagogue that is large and its amazing when you cooperate and work togethe It's a kiddush lunch that lasts for an hour. People really can't compromise?

How much are the custom sweatshirts?

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have any great ideas for a lower key and less expensive party?

Lunch kiddush for family and friends after the service. Then Saturday night for the friends of the Bar Mitzvah kid, host a dance party type thing at a restaurant. Buffet or munchies and DJ for 50 kids or so will be far less than sit down dinner for 200 of your closest distant cousins. No crazy centerpieces, no top of the line photographer etc needed. If you don't feel the need even for the separate kids party, and depending on your shul, you can add an a cappella group to the kiddush, have grandpa cut the challah, and a "candle" lighting and the cake (no candles - use a decorative alternative).

Overall bar and bat mitzvahs are not as over the top as they were 20 years ago. The trend is more focused on the kids party and less over the top extravaganza. That said, some families still spend 50k plus on the party. Others are more kid focused such as a rock climbing or bowling party. Also, trend tends to be Dj and photobooth instead of band.

BTW, The DMV is not really used though some DCUM posters like the sound of it.

My experience is in VA they tend to be lower keyed than in MD. But, it might just people the people I know (in MD, they are mostly rich relatives; in Va, they are like me).

The Bat Mitzvah we are planning for later this month will feature a luncheon at a decent restaurant for about 80 people with a DJ, photo both, and photographer. We are also hosting brunch on Sunday for out-of-town people. Total cost in going to be about 18K.

It will be a nice party -- definitely the nicest I have hosted, but within our budget.

At some congregations, they have the Kiddush lunch which is hosted by the family, but open to all. That would not work at our temple because it is too big -- usually two children with B'nei Mitzvah on a Saturday Morning, which means there would be two hosts with different ideas

Anyone have any great ideas for a lower key and less expensive party?

^^never been to one that wasn't

Id say maybe not quiet as extravagant as NY, but close to it. Although some keep it lower key, I've been to one in this area that wasn't some sort of catered party at a hall or restaurant

depends. at my temple in DC there is a nice buffet-style lunch after (open to all members of congregation, but usually those who know the kid are the only ones who eat a full meal--others might have a piece of challah or a cookie and head out). Some do a party that night, either at the temple or somewhere else. I grew up on Long Island and am used to the DJ/games/catering hall bat mitzvah thing, and I like the version at my current temple a lot more.

Most of the ones we attend could be inter changed with Miami, NY, or NJ.

Hotel, catered, DJ or band, games, photo booth etc

Do people go crazy with bar/bat mitzvahs in the DMV? We are moving there and grew up in a very Jewish place where bnai mitzvahs were generally over the top- the parties were at banquet halls, DJs, entertainers, the whole bit.

Now we live in an area with a very small Jewish population and they are so laid back. Just the service and maybe a luncheon afterwards (not the general kiddush, still a catered luncheon, but no crazy music and dancing and entertainers and t shirts).