Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 11:33     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Anonymous wrote:OP back. All of the above has been tried over the years. I really, really need a blunt snappy comeback. It's the only thing she will respond to and the one thing I can't come up with myself.

Anyone?


There is nothing that you can say. When you have said something your FIL zooms in and backs up MIL - with you the bad guy. It is actually very important that you not be "snappy" to your MIL.

The only thing that I might try is humor. When she says "Dear, we really must have a little talk" roll your eyes, laugh and good naturedly say loudly "Oh, no! Please don't tell me it's my turn to have the talk!." If the others in the room laugh it might be enough to diffuse the situation. But it could just as easily backfire Big Time and you could have everyone in the room hating you for causing a scene....you have to be a bit of a natural comedian (not just have a good sense of humor) to pull it off.

Otherwise, you either let her speak her mind and you suck it up and listen. Or you avoid her by getting a hotel and seeing her in public places.

Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 11:23     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Anonymous wrote:OP back. All of the above has been tried over the years. I really, really need a blunt snappy comeback. It's the only thing she will respond to and the one thing I can't come up with myself.

Anyone?


I think we need more context. I can think of snippy comebacks for a variety of topics, but not one universal catch all.

If you're pregnant and she's inundating you with outdated concerns to have a talk about with you - "Hm, you should write ACOG about that" or "Oh, yes I heard that that used to be recommended, but the recommendations have since changed. I'm sure ACOG has a public affairs contact if you're interested."

If she disagrees about some aspect of your parenting or how you run your household, I've resorted to "Oh, actually, we've decided that [husband] is in charge of that. I'll let him know you want to discuss it."

If she tried to get on everyone else's case and got shut down and is now turning to you to have a talk with, then "sure, I'll get in line behind [husband], [SIL], and [BIL]."
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 11:19     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Anonymous wrote:This is what I mean, though this is for nosy, repetitive MILs re infants:

What are we feeding her?- "Well MIL we have moved from BM/Formula to the blood of innocents and virgins. We here it is excelent for her spiritual well being."

Oh that'll fatten her up I bet- "I sure hope so MIL. She has to weigh at least 16 pounds by the time we sacrifice her on the altar."

Have you found a church?-"Why yes MIL. Now every sunday we worship at the altar of GitcheeGoomee naked, wearing pig snouts."

She's so tiny still- "Well MIL, since my vagina's not the size of a wizard's sleeve like yours she had to be that small to get out of there."


Intruding questions about the house- "MIL we plan on moving in with the rest of the GitcheeGoomee worshipers soon. You can live with them for free, they don't make you wear clothes and we hear they give out free Kool Aid."


Lorelai Gilmore, I've missed you. Roundabout season 5 though it started to seem like you were the disfunctional one, not your mom.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 11:18     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
"Somehow I was sure you would."
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 11:15     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
This is what I mean, though this is for nosy, repetitive MILs re infants:

What are we feeding her?- "Well MIL we have moved from BM/Formula to the blood of innocents and virgins. We here it is excelent for her spiritual well being."

Oh that'll fatten her up I bet- "I sure hope so MIL. She has to weigh at least 16 pounds by the time we sacrifice her on the altar."

Have you found a church?-"Why yes MIL. Now every sunday we worship at the altar of GitcheeGoomee naked, wearing pig snouts."

She's so tiny still- "Well MIL, since my vagina's not the size of a wizard's sleeve like yours she had to be that small to get out of there."


Intruding questions about the house- "MIL we plan on moving in with the rest of the GitcheeGoomee worshipers soon. You can live with them for free, they don't make you wear clothes and we hear they give out free Kool Aid."
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 11:01     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
OP back. All of the above has been tried over the years. I really, really need a blunt snappy comeback. It's the only thing she will respond to and the one thing I can't come up with myself.

Anyone?
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:57     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
I's try changing the subject. Can you give an example of what she says? that may make it easier to give you an example of how to redirect.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:54     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Hotel. Eat at restaurants.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:32     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Listen. Say, "Thanks, I'll think about that." Feel free to ignore any/all advice. Or direct it to your husband.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:11     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
I'd figure out what DH and SIL do and do that. Seriously, she's probably coming to you because she knows that her own kids know how to shut her down.

The other thing you could do is re-direct her to DH. "If you have a problem with how we're handling x, I suggest you talk with DH about it." Then he can shut it down.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:08     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Can't you just humor her and listen and play along? And then you go on your merry way and do what you want?
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:03     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
I'm confused. Is it something like you & SIL are exchanging sleep training/survival tactics and MIL pipes in that she disapproves, thinks it's harming her grandbabies, and says she'll need to have a talk with you about that? In that kind of scenario, just say "oh, I think we're doing just fine, please don't worry yourself Phyllis."

If she does insist on providing her insights, just listen and then do as you please. My MIL has lots of opinions and it used to really bother me, but my husband shared that she just wants to be heard and as long as you listen, she drops the subject even if you ultimately don't take her advice.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:01     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Why not talk with DH? He has "long honed ability." Anything the anonymous hordes devise is much more likely to fall into the WWIII category.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 10:00     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
Ugh. That's annoying. You say her own children have all developed the ability to shut her down.
Ask your DH and SIL exactly what they do, and use that exact same technique. MIL may play dumb, but she'll recognize the technique so know what it means.
I'd also try to avoid being in a room alone with MIL. As you practice getting tough in your response to her, it will help you to have others around.
Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2015 09:58     Subject: I need a snappy comeback to MIL's insistent need to "have a talk" with me
I'll be seeing my MIL this weekend for the first time in a while at home of SIL (who I adore). Whenever we all see MIL, she decides that she simply *must* speak to various family members about some issue see currently sees in their life. Her bio kids all have the long honed ability to tell her to shut up. Since she is my MIL, I don't feel the same ability to be so blunt but I would like to be. Can anyone think of a blunt but humorous snappy comeback to her constant drama laced, "oh we need to talk" declarations? Whenever I just say a simple "no" or "no thanks" I get the "how can you be so ungrateful" lecture from FIL. I'd like something that shuts them both down without causing WWIII.