through college graduation

We stopped when they went to college. Siblings stopped when their kids went to college despite the fact that our kids were in early elementary school. Same for December gift giving holidays. This is not unusual. People tend to think about it when their children are in same stages and forget about when their children outgrow them.

Anonymous wrote:We have always been generous with one nice/goddaughter. When turned 18. I gave her the usual cash, but not as much. She did the usual non heartfelt thank you and i could tell she was surprised that instead of $100, she got $50. Now that she is turning 19, she hinted about how aunt lala (me) knows what to get her for her birthday. I wasn't planning on getting her anything. How would you handle the inevitable "where is my present?"

Carolyn Hax actually answered this last week with what I thought was a nice suggestion (although perhaps too late for your situation). She suggested making the last gift larger (if possible) and including a note in the card that said it was the last one now that she is an adult. She had an elegant way of phrasing it that escapes me at the moment, but something on the lines of being so proud of the way niece has grown, excited to know her as an adult, etc etc.

In my mom's family there were enough kids that the adults set up a pollyanna system long ago wherein each adult was assigned to buy a gift for one kid for birthday and Christmas (or whatever ratio was necessary to make that work depending on how many kids and adults were in the picture at a given time). You stopped receiving gifts the year you graduated college, which the kids knew so there were no surprises (well, I didn't as I was the oldest and they made the rules as they went along, but I didn't care). Once there were enough adult cousins we set up a white elephant among ourselves for Christmas day.

I stopped sending my niece birthday gifts after 16 when she once again didn't acknowledge receipt of gift with either a thank you card, email, text or phone call. I did give her a graduation gift when she graduated high school.

Anonymous wrote:My family/family friends cuts off gifts after 21. Nice big "hey you're an adult in all legal aspects now!" gift and then cut off.

My aunt did the same to me, but at 18. Gave me a nice graduation gift and card. I think she may have included something in her note that this was the end of the gifts, but I don't really recall. I didn't have a problem with it and am instituting the same rule myself.

My family/family friends cuts off gifts after 21. Nice big "hey you're an adult in all legal aspects now!" gift and then cut off.

as a niece, i suggest stopping at college graduation, or age 22. It's awkward now that i am married and some aunts and uncles started giving to my husband, some give family-type gifts, some still give just to me, and we reciprocate and give gifts to aunts and uncles (which is fine...but it makes for a lot of gifts, and then the aunts and uncles may feel badly that their kids don't give gifts to my parents...)

you will have plenty of opportunities with weddings, grad school graduations, babies, housewarmings etc... to give gifts in the future to those nieces and nephews if you choose, but i think it makes sense to have a cut-off of birthday/Christmas

I think its important to be up front about it. It seems petty now, but I remember being annoyed the year the gifts stopped suddenly. Our family just sort of decided one year that it was enough. But, some of my older cousins were like 25 or 26. I was 17. So it was annoying that I got shortchanged. Again, now that I am an adult I can see that was very "first world" of me.

Anyway, I think its smart to determine a date... 18, college graduation, whatever, and stick with it. No need to beat it into them.. but it should be generally known from the start.

Anonymous wrote:We have always been generous with one nice/goddaughter. When turned 18. I gave her the usual cash, but not as much. She did the usual non heartfelt thank you and i could tell she was surprised that instead of $100, she got $50. Now that she is turning 19, she hinted about how aunt lala (me) knows what to get her for her birthday. I wasn't planning on getting her anything. How would you handle the inevitable "where is my present?"

Bratty Niece: Wheee is my present?
Aunt Lisa: Probably in the same place all the presents you got me went to

I have close to 30 nieces and nephews and never did gifts unless I was present at a party or otherwise close to them (geographically and emotionally.)

PP If the 19 yr old is in college, I'd keep giving until she graduates but I'd tell her when the stopping point is and why (if you want.)

We have always been generous with one nice/goddaughter. When turned 18. I gave her the usual cash, but not as much. She did the usual non heartfelt thank you and i could tell she was surprised that instead of $100, she got $50. Now that she is turning 19, she hinted about how aunt lala (me) knows what to get her for her birthday. I wasn't planning on getting her anything. How would you handle the inevitable "where is my present?"

We stop once they start college.

Anonymous wrote:18 here.
Starting at age 5, we give nieces and nephews $1 per year of age (so $10 when they turn 10). Unless we go to a bday party for them, then we bring a gift. I know it sounds a little cheap, but we have at least 20 nieces and nephews!

Thanks - we have 18 nieces and nephews and I just ordered gifts for April birthdays and could not believe what my amazon bill was. I think I am going start the approach you have and call it a day. Some years we have been very generous - but our financial situation has changed.

18 here.
Starting at age 5, we give nieces and nephews $1 per year of age (so $10 when they turn 10). Unless we go to a bday party for them, then we bring a gift. I know it sounds a little cheap, but we have at least 20 nieces and nephews!

My nieces and nephews span a wide range. I have an almost 20 YO niece and a 3 month old niece.

I do not expect I will be sending my 3 month old niece birthday gifts 20 years from now - but maybe I will.

When do most people stop?