NP here, how long do younusually message someone before suggesting a date? (in general that is I know there are lots of variations depending on the circumstances)

Anonymous wrote:I ended up with someone for a long time where there was little chemistry because we got too attached over phone and email before meeting. Now I would go right to meeting, as soon as possible.

+1 - this is why no long email exchanges or phone calls. I did this several times, only once for a "long time". Started refusing to engage in lots of emails or phone calls. You can talk about all the same things over a drink or coffee (short "dates") as you can during the initial phone call. The slightly higher 'barrier to entry' of having to make time for a coffee or after work drink date helps gauge real interest and gets rid of looky-loo window-shoppers (both genders do this).

When I online dated 10 years ago, I would talk to the guy on the phone first. It was a good screening tool. I was talking to one guy about work, how we get to work, etc, and he said, "I like to take the metro to work so I can check out all the women." Not something you say to someone you might want to date. So, we didn't meet and I ended up wasting only 10 minutes instead of an hour for coffee/drink.

Yes, I talked to my now DH on the phone first. For starters, it's easier to tell by tone, mannerisms, and actual conversation if someone is a complete weirdo or not. Secondly, chemistry and good conversation flow was also obvious. You can't get either of those through messages or texting.

I wouldn't meet anyone unless I spoke w/them directly on the phone first.

(Guess these days this is considered very "old school.")

When speaking on the phone, I can get a good sense of his personality, how he discusses things + if he has a sense of humor which is important to me.

But most important, I would do it to make sure he was REAL. Some people on these dating websites are scam artists and I wouldn't want to waste my time playing any games.

Short phone call first.

I ended up with someone for a long time where there was little chemistry because we got too attached over phone and email before meeting. Now I would go right to meeting, as soon as possible.

I'd rather just meet, no call, and no long, drawn out messaging back and forth first either.

My information is outdated (more than 10 years old) but back then I always talked with the person on the phone before we met.

Woman here. Have never had anyone from online even suggest a phone call prior to meeting, and I've never requested one, either.

I like a short phone call. I like being able to tell how well a man speaks. But I like to meet quickly so we could go from contact to phone call to meeting within a week.

I'm married now, but when I was online dating, I hated talking on the phone before a first date, but some men insisted on it. It's much easier to discern chemistry in person so I always preferred just meeting up and seeing how things went. Plus, if the phone conversation was a little awkward but not bad enough to cancel the date, then I felt like I was going into the date with a negative mindset which of course isn't good.

I'm a guy but I believe pretty firmly in meeting - a low cost (in time and money) meeting in person - pretty quickly. Not a lot of online back and forth. Meet someplace public (and safe) and find out right off the bat if you have attraction and can engage in conversation. You get to validate how accurate (current) their pictures are, whether or not there is attraction (so much communication is not verbal or written and photos don't always convey everything - people sometimes look different in person) and whether or not they can connect with you. Written messages (email or texting) can be heavily curated and phone conversations can also be misleading. No need for a full blown date, just coffee (or a drink), and an excuse to skedaddle quickly if needed.

I'd rather just meet after some messaging. I dislike talking on the phone, especially to strangers and prefer not to share my number until after meeting.

I am the OP from the other online dating thread and I bet this will get a similar split response from women. Do you want to talk on the phone first before meeting? On one hand I could see you wanting to to use it as an additional screening tool to see if the date is even worth your time (if the guy can form sentences, doesn't sound creepy, etc). But on the other hand, it sounds like a bit much for once again, someone you just quickly met online, shot over a message, and are not wanting to meet. Plus how many women are willing to give over their phone number at this stage anyway.

Which do you prefer?