Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 10:24     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your BIL isn't the one who married you or who started a family with you. He doesn't owe you housework. He sounds young -- and may be in a demanding graduate program.

What were you asking him to do, anyway?


+1


+2

Are we talking a sudden, serious medical emergency? Or like cleaning the gutters?

Your BIL does not owe you anything like the latter. Having children and being in the military are choices you and your spouse made. Your BIL has a right to his own life, and does now owe you for the choices you made.

Do you do anything for your BIL?
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 10:20     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
That's why I'm always so annoyed when people mouth that stupid platitude, "Thanks for your service." If your neighbor's husband is deployed, don't tell them thanks for your service. Ask if there's anything you can do to help the family while the mom or dad is off defending your freedom.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 10:18     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Is it possible BIL felt awkward about being around the house when his brother was not there? How well/ how long have you known each other?
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 10:13     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't get some of the PPs. The BIL should have stepped up and appeared once in a while to lend a hand, even if just to play with his niece/nephew for a while. He obviously has the time, if he's able to be there now.

OP, what does your husband say about it? Maybe at some point you're just going to have to get it off your chest and tell BIL, "you know, it was really disappointing when you never came to lend a hand while Larlo was deployed. It was very tough on the three of us, and some family support would have meant a lot." Then you'll have to figure out a way to drop it. Know that you can't count on BIL, and don't go out of your way to do stuff for him. Your husband appears to value the relationship, so look at it as something you do for him.


Maybe the BIL just really doesn't like OP.




Oh, christ. What on earth does THAT have to do with anything? Adults show know better - and do as we tell our kids - "You don't have to LIKE (name here), but you do have to be nice." Grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child, PP.

As for OP, BIL does not owe you anything. But that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not anyone likes anyone.

Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 07:39     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't get some of the PPs. The BIL should have stepped up and appeared once in a while to lend a hand, even if just to play with his niece/nephew for a while. He obviously has the time, if he's able to be there now.

OP, what does your husband say about it? Maybe at some point you're just going to have to get it off your chest and tell BIL, "you know, it was really disappointing when you never came to lend a hand while Larlo was deployed. It was very tough on the three of us, and some family support would have meant a lot." Then you'll have to figure out a way to drop it. Know that you can't count on BIL, and don't go out of your way to do stuff for him. Your husband appears to value the relationship, so look at it as something you do for him.


Maybe the BIL just really doesn't like OP.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 07:35     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Having someone in your space constantly after DH gets home is pretty annoying. I would say something to DH about that. Is BIL just dropping by?
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 07:31     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't get some of the PPs. The BIL should have stepped up and appeared once in a while to lend a hand, even if just to play with his niece/nephew for a while. He obviously has the time, if he's able to be there now.

OP, what does your husband say about it? Maybe at some point you're just going to have to get it off your chest and tell BIL, "you know, it was really disappointing when you never came to lend a hand while Larlo was deployed. It was very tough on the three of us, and some family support would have meant a lot." Then you'll have to figure out a way to drop it. Know that you can't count on BIL, and don't go out of your way to do stuff for him. Your husband appears to value the relationship, so look at it as something you do for him.


This. You have 2 choices: either you communicate your disappointment or you let it go. And by letting it go, I'm mean really letting it go. No resentment, no bad feelings. But you don't get to hold it in. That is not an option.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 07:25     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Wow. I don't get some of the PPs. The BIL should have stepped up and appeared once in a while to lend a hand, even if just to play with his niece/nephew for a while. He obviously has the time, if he's able to be there now.

OP, what does your husband say about it? Maybe at some point you're just going to have to get it off your chest and tell BIL, "you know, it was really disappointing when you never came to lend a hand while Larlo was deployed. It was very tough on the three of us, and some family support would have meant a lot." Then you'll have to figure out a way to drop it. Know that you can't count on BIL, and don't go out of your way to do stuff for him. Your husband appears to value the relationship, so look at it as something you do for him.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 06:45     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Anonymous wrote:Your BIL isn't the one who married you or who started a family with you. He doesn't owe you housework. He sounds young -- and may be in a demanding graduate program.

What were you asking him to do, anyway?


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 00:57     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
Your BIL isn't the one who married you or who started a family with you. He doesn't owe you housework. He sounds young -- and may be in a demanding graduate program.

What were you asking him to do, anyway?
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 00:43     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
So your 20-something single BIL was supposed to do what, exactly? Did you ask him to do specific things or just expect him to show up and help? he probably had no clue what kind of help to even offer.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 00:13     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
You have no right to expect your BIL to fill your husband's shoes while he is away.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 00:12     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
I would be pissed too OP. I probably wouldn't make a big deal about it but I would be peeved. Whether or not his brother is in town, you and the kids are his family. If he can stop by when his brother is there to hang out, why can't he stop by when brother is out of town?

BIL sounds a bit selfish to me and now you know you can't count on him. Since you have 2 kids I have to imagine you and DH have been together for several years. Was there any sign BIL was a flake before this?



Anonymous
Post 03/22/2015 00:00     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
You and your husband have to figure out how to make your lifestyle work without depending on others. It's great if others chip in, and it sucks if they commit and then flake, but you need to move on and figure out a system that works.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2015 23:58     Subject: Local family not helping when DH was deployed
DH was deployed for almost a year. I have 2 young children and it was very difficult for me. BIL is local and attends graduate school. BIL said he would help but totally let me down. On several occasions, I asked for help. He said, "probably" and then flaked on me. Now DH is back and he is at our house constantly. Whenever I see him, I get mad because it reminds me how he wasn't there for us when we really needed him. Now that his brother is back, he is happy to be around and hang out with DH and the kids.

Do I have a right to be upset with BIL?