Thank you OP for posting this as my family is in a similar situation.

Older DD got admitted to a top school in our state. Admission is by lottery so it was luck rather than her academics that got her in. The school preaches that everyone can succeed at the school IF they choose to work hard. There are many kids who came from the gifted program as well as many "average' kids. DD is working hard. The school is very small and they have the same teachers for two of the years they are there. (Ms. Jones teaches 9th and 11th grade math, for example.) Being that DD is very shy, I *think* the small school is better and the teachers seem very approachable when she needed help. She has fallen into a nice group of girls. There are many hours of homework, very few extracurricular activities, and just doesn't offer the typical American High School experience. I'm not sure if it's worth it. I, too worry about burnout.

Her regular high school is several thousand - typical high school ranked about 1000 nationally. She would do fine there but I worry that she would fade into the background, because of her shyness, even bullied. SHe, of course wants to go there because she likes the IDEA of all the social activity but reality would be very different. SHe has always built her friendship with quiet, calm, nerdy, girls.

Ugh....

Anonymous wrote:Burnout is real. I went to a "rigorous" private and me and many of our friends felt like we were burned out when we got to college and didn't take advantage of everything it had to offer.

Agree that burnout is real. I was on a very competitive track in high school and somewhere along the way I lost the joy I had for learning, (also reading - I was an avid reader in elementary and middle school but stopped once I hit high school. I didn't pick up a book for pleasure again until my late 20s.) I think I didn't do as well as I could have in college because I'd worked so hard in high school to get into a good college which seemed like the ultimate goal. Meanwhile I had high school friends who didn't do as well, but really blossomed once they arrived at college. I took several years before going back for a masters and the break was really what I needed. It seems like we've all caught up and are doing quite well now, but I don't want my DC to follow my path.

^^Thank you for sharing. I would love to return to a MA program one day. Will have to start over.

You still can. I'm in my. 50s and I'm in a masters program.

I went to a large public high school in another area and totally coasted- it was not rigorous at all. Only about the top ten percent of graduates went on to a four year college.

College was challenging for me- but I graduated from a top 20 university with a science degree and a 3.5 GPA. I had to do a lot of catching up in college but it was good for me. I don't think academically rigorous is necessary. I'm very successful now.

OP here. Thank you for the excellent points and experiences. I attended a low performing hs and did not complete my M.A thesis. My sister attended a low performing hs and is a successful psychiatrist. It had more to do with our internal motivation. My parents were not engaged in our educations as long as we brought home A's.

I wish I had earned the Masters though...

Anonymous wrote:In a word, "No" Smart kids can catch up in college. Kids from the really academic high schools are so far ahead the first year of college they just coast.

I caught up to some extent, but in the hard sciences, the kids from really good high schools were always far ahead in terms of the classes they took, the research they could do, and the graduate programs they applied to. For myself I don't really care, but if sciences are important to you, OP, then think about it.

In a word, "No" Smart kids can catch up in college. Kids from the really academic high schools are so far ahead the first year of college they just coast.

Anonymous wrote:I would say a rigorous high school education is essential, but I include parents in the equation (if the kid isn't self-motivated). You absolutely have to make sure that your child is prepared for the heavy work load and responsibilities that college presents. The amount of books that I had to read my freshman years was insane compared to what I read my last year of high school (and I was a prolific reader).

+1. I went to a rural high school and was utterly unprepared for college. No study skills whatsoever, because I had never had to make an effort. Very far behind the curve in science and math, even though I enjoy those subjects and was considered talented at my high school. Almost failed out of college my freshman year. Eventually I caught up, but it is depressing to think of the classes I was unable to take because of my unpreparedness, and how much more enjoyable my college years would have been if I had been more academically prepared.

To this day, my parents think my high school was excellent and are completely in denial about this. My mother always tried to encourage me as a woman in math and science, but she is totally in denial that her choice to live in a rural area meant that many opportunities were foreclosed to me.

No. Overachieving in high school does not indicate success in college and beyond. Also, spending (or borrowing) huge amounts of money on an ivy league or highly selective university does guarantee success or high income afterward. Students need to know that the college acceptance letter is not the end-product of their education.

I would say a rigorous high school education is essential, but I include parents in the equation (if the kid isn't self-motivated). You absolutely have to make sure that your child is prepared for the heavy work load and responsibilities that college presents. The amount of books that I had to read my freshman years was insane compared to what I read my last year of high school (and I was a prolific reader).

Nope. Engaged parents plus bright kid goes a long, long way. The above average kid can and will thrive in a mediocre school, it happens every day.

Burnout is real. I went to a "rigorous" private and me and many of our friends felt like we were burned out when we got to college and didn't take advantage of everything it had to offer. My DD went to a more relaxed progressive school and had time to read for pleasure and explore interests and has been incredibly engaged with her college academics, just loves challenging herself there.

A part of me believes that if they are excellent im the basics, reading, writing and math. They will be fine.

I need to define my beliefs about my kids education.

I had the opportunity to decide between two high schools for my son and daughter. The 1st is a public ranked 1st in our state and within the top 50 in the country. The second choice is one of the top three privates in our city. We are not in the DMV.

The public school is more academically rigorous but I feel like the kids don't need that level of courseload in order to be successful in life. I don't want them to burn out.

The private also offers an excellent education but with more support from counselors and better amenities.

I have accepted admission to the private school but Im wondering if Im being naive by thinking that a well rounded high school education is equal to an extremely rigorous high school education, in terms of overall success in college and beyond.

My kids are smart capable children and would fine in either school. I guess Im the opposite of a tiger mom. What are the lifelong benefits of an extremely academically rigorous high school?