Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she figures her daughter will treasure the family heirlooms more than her son.

OP here. I agree with your statement, but it is obvious that is not the case. MIL favors her daughter (one more than the other), but the family has always been abusive to this son. He has done well because of (in spite of?) their abuse. Any favoritism has backfired (enabled the daughter/SIL), and so has any abuse (propelled this son). I suppose MIL does not see what effect she has. DH is afraid to approach them, due to abuse issues. Obviously, I would like to help him. MIL has other issues, so I do not interact with her too much.

Given this background, I would encourage your DH to reframe this whole issue. Your MIL's pattern of giving your DH crap and your SIL heirlooms is simply a continuation of the abuse, and will not change. Any attempt to raise this with your MIL is likely to just heighten the abuse, because abusers really hate being called out on it. While I can understand how hurtful it is to not be able to share in treasured heirlooms, hopefully in time your DH can come to see the bigger picture, that in the end he is the winner in this, because he is the one who has become strong and successful as a result of the abusive dynamic, whereas his sister has become stunted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she figures her daughter will treasure the family heirlooms more than her son.

OP here. I agree with your statement, but it is obvious that is not the case. MIL favors her daughter (one more than the other), but the family has always been abusive to this son. He has done well because of (in spite of?) their abuse. Any favoritism has backfired (enabled the daughter/SIL), and so has any abuse (propelled this son). I suppose MIL does not see what effect she has. DH is afraid to approach them, due to abuse issues. Obviously, I would like to help him. MIL has other issues, so I do not interact with her too much.

Way to bury the lede.

OP, given your follow up post, I think you should let this go and say good riddance.
Originally, I was going to say that I know sometimes mothers feel like daughters are more likely to keep it in the family. My mom had bad experiences with daughter in laws who divorced and took family heirloom with them (and I know other families that had the same problem, including someone who can't get back her grandmother's jewelry from her ex-stepmom).
If there are specific things that your husband or kids would want, they should say something to MIL -- like "I always loved grandpa's watch collection. I would really love to have one as a memory of grandpa." If your kids have a good relationship, they can ask directly. But once you say that the relationship is/was abusive, I say let it all go. It won't bring happy memories anyway.

Who is older? In our families the oldest child gets the medals of honor and things like that.

Throw away the crap and try not to dwell on this. She may be being passive aggressive. Don't give her the power to hurt you if that's her intent.

Or she's just clueless, in which case it's not worth worrying about.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the daughter has expressed more interest.

OP here, no.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she figures her daughter will treasure the family heirlooms more than her son.

OP here. I agree with your statement, but it is obvious that is not the case. MIL favors her daughter (one more than the other), but the family has always been abusive to this son. He has done well because of (in spite of?) their abuse. Any favoritism has backfired (enabled the daughter/SIL), and so has any abuse (propelled this son). I suppose MIL does not see what effect she has. DH is afraid to approach them, due to abuse issues. Obviously, I would like to help him. MIL has other issues, so I do not interact with her too much.

Maybe the daughter has expressed more interest.

Maybe she figures her daughter will treasure the family heirlooms more than her son.

For whatever reason, that is what she wants to do with her stuff. Let it go. If your DH is hurt by it, then support him in finding a way to address it with her. But do NOT make this about you.

This is DH's issue not yours.

They're her crap/heirlooms and she gets to decide who to give them to. Sorry, but you just have to accept that.

Just say thank you and throw the crap out after she leaves. I never worry about what anyone else is getting. I wouldn't even give the shit to my kids at all.

What does your husband think about this? Honestly, I think that you need to stay out of it and let your husband handle his family.

Anyone seen this happen? MIL gives us large items of crap (dirty stuffed animals with holes that make DC itch), and gives the small, sentimental, priceless family heirlooms (FIL's medals of honor) to SIL. There is enough to go around, and SIL's children do not care about the items.

I would appreciate hearing from non-nasty posters who have experienced this; as opposed to snarky posters with a grudge.