Your only motivation is that your children "deserve a family."

OP, guilt will never, ever, be a good motivation. Ever.

Are you kidding? My MIL lives locally and I do not go out of my way to see her. It is up to my husband to facilitate that relationship, not me. He chooses not to so that's on him.

I agree with others. Make it primarily a vacation with planned fun stuff with yourselves, and visit family on the side. That way, if it doesn't go well, it won't ruin your whole vacation.

Anonymous wrote:Hotel = Control.

Come & go as you wish. You decide.

This. It is very big of you to want to do this, OP and very sensible to not want to leave your kids unsupervised at your in-laws. And if the trip ends up being miserable, then wait another four years.

Hotel = Control.

Come & go as you wish. You decide.

I would do it as part of a larger vacation. What else do you want to see and do within driving distance of where you are flying into? I would plan a few days with the in laws - definitely staying in a hotel - and then continue on with the rest of my vacation.

Here's an option: Go with the kids, stay in a hotel, arrange lots of activities on mutual territory (beach, restaurants, parks, attractions, etc). Make it a vacation for you and the kids with a few family visits.

Here's another option: Don't go and ask your husband to explain to your kids, in an age appropriate way, why he doesn't want to spend time with his family. If he has boundaries with his family that he doesn't want to cross or want you to cross, then you should respect his wishes. However, he should decide how he's going to communicate this to his children.

Sorry. It sounds like a tough situation.

If DH won't do it, I don't see how it's "on you." Does he even want you to go?

I would say do it, and stay in a hotel. The first time will be hard but the second time, everyone will be used to you staying in a hotel. And if you don't get along, they will probably be secretly grateful to you anyway.

Sometimes a cousin relationship can work even if there are difficulties in the older generation. That is the case with my mom and her cousins, and it's a beautiful thing. It's worth a try-- and if it doesn't work out, you will have a clear conscience that you made the effort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the upside in all of this? The situation you have just described leaves MIL, DH and You all miserable. Why on earth would you consider any of this?

Because I feel that my children deserve a family. I also accept there is never an upside to our family!

But if their memories are only that they saw their family and everyone was miserable, is that an upside?

Anonymous wrote:What about this: you and DH fly out there for a week. Drop the kids off with grandma and go on a trip nearby for a few days.

I have thought about this. My kids are pretty young and one has Celiac Disease, which my MIL considers an imaginary disease. I know she will feed her food she isn't allowed to eat. It is my one hesitation. My DH and I would love a break though!

Anonymous wrote:Where is the upside in all of this? The situation you have just described leaves MIL, DH and You all miserable. Why on earth would you consider any of this?

Because I feel that my children deserve a family. I also accept there is never an upside to our family!

What about this: you and DH fly out there for a week. Drop the kids off with grandma and go on a trip nearby for a few days.

Where is the upside in all of this? The situation you have just described leaves MIL, DH and You all miserable. Why on earth would you consider any of this?

I do not get along with my MIL. I have a very tense relationship with one SIL. My DH hates them and refuses to visit them. We have two ES aged kids who would like to see their grandmother, aunts and cousins. They have asked to visit them. They live in Southern CA. I am thinking about taking them to visit everyone this summer. I know it will cause problems but I want to stay in a hotel. I do not want to fly out to CA to be cramped and sleep on a couch. My MIL will be offended but I think she should just be thankful to see the kids. She hasn't seen them in 3 years. DH won't go. It falls on me. I took the kids to see her alone before and it went horrible. It was 4.5 years ago and I am willing to try it again. I feel I need to because of the kids. WWYD?