Anonymous wrote:Why not meet him? What's fake in your "nice" polite exchanges?

Why fake it if you don't have to?

Another vote for "sorry, I'm not available to see you" I wouldn't fake an illness.

I believe in being honest. I would tell him I don't want you in my life.

Anonymous wrote:Thats a good idea maybe I'll just tell him I'm not feeling well and I'll see him next time. And honestly, I don't think I would feel any guilt at all. Sometimes I think it would be a relief - I wouldn't have to worry about these forced interactions anymore or the worry that my sisters and I might have to take care of him in old age, should his post (maybe) alcoholic liver let him live that long.

I think what really "snapped" me was when he didn't show up to my wedding because he said that he couldn't get off of work. And only told me via voicemail the morning of the wedding. This was in 2011 and it really hasn't been the same since. Totally off topic but just to give you an idea of the type of person he is.

Sigh. Fake sick it is.

PP here. That's messed up. Sorry about that, OP.

Why not meet him? What's fake in your "nice" polite exchanges?

So just reply back to him the morning after he calls/texts that you can't get off work to be there.

Anonymous wrote:I have a crazy dad too. A lot of people who won't have this particularly painful part of their life just won't understand. I would highly advise you not to see him. You're pregnant, and you and I both know that when you interact with your father, inevitably, you will be flooded with stress. The baby is going to receibe that influx of hormones and could suffer as a result. Ignore his texts and calls and if you feel bad make up some excuse about having been away from your phone because you're on bed rest and trying to stay away from technology... Or whatever! The point is, do what's right for you and the baby, not your dad.

Crazy dad here, too. The posters with the burning bridges, what if he dies in a car wreck don't get it. I wouldn't do it. Catch him next time around if you feel up to it.

I have a crazy dad too. And pp is right, those not in this position may have a hard time understanding. I'm about 20 yrs older than you and I've spent many years trying to make the relationship with him work, but to no avail. You sound like you are in a happy time of life now, expecting a baby, so don't spoil it. Text him that you are busy and will try to meet up with him next time he is in town. All the best with your pregnancy.

I have a crazy dad too. A lot of people who won't have this particularly painful part of their life just won't understand. I would highly advise you not to see him. You're pregnant, and you and I both know that when you interact with your father, inevitably, you will be flooded with stress. The baby is going to receibe that influx of hormones and could suffer as a result. Ignore his texts and calls and if you feel bad make up some excuse about having been away from your phone because you're on bed rest and trying to stay away from technology... Or whatever! The point is, do what's right for you and the baby, not your dad.

Anonymous wrote:I would plan on meeting in a public place for coffee or dinner. That way you can escape after a short time. It's an inconvenience but you aren't burning bridges.

Agree with this.

I understand what you are are saying as this is how my husband and his father are -- it's very awkward and his father (nor my husband) make any effort at having a relationship.

Thats a good idea maybe I'll just tell him I'm not feeling well and I'll see him next time. And honestly, I don't think I would feel any guilt at all. Sometimes I think it would be a relief - I wouldn't have to worry about these forced interactions anymore or the worry that my sisters and I might have to take care of him in old age, should his post (maybe) alcoholic liver let him live that long.

I think what really "snapped" me was when he didn't show up to my wedding because he said that he couldn't get off of work. And only told me via voicemail the morning of the wedding. This was in 2011 and it really hasn't been the same since. Totally off topic but just to give you an idea of the type of person he is.

Sigh. Fake sick it is.

I would plan on meeting in a public place for coffee or dinner. That way you can escape after a short time. It's an inconvenience but you aren't burning bridges.

Your life, your decision. Just remember, if he is in a car accident on the way home, you cannot have any guilt.

Just tell him it's not a good time for you. "Maybe I can catch you next time."

My dad is in town. We have basically no relationship. We see each other maybe once a year at most and do not speak between those visits. And even during those visits we barely interact with each other because it's awkward and there's nothing to talk about. He has held no interest in my life whatsoever and our relationship has been like this for the last 11 years or so and frankly I just don't want to bother anymore with the play-nice-act. It's painful to be even fake friendly whenever I am forced to interact with him. Maybe it's because I'm just getting older (30) and am more secure in my life and the relationships I do have and really don't want or have to bother with hurtful people. I think it's unfair that he feels he can just insert himself into our lives for a few hours whenever he chooses to do so. I just really don't care about him anymore to be honest.

But he's in town for the week and went to see my sister and her kids yesterday and she "warned" me that he's planning on visiting me today or tomorrow. Is it messed up if I just totally ignore his call or text? I'm pregnant and especially now I don't feel like dealing with him or him seeing me during such a vulnerable time, if that makes sense.