Anonymous wrote:I am not op but I could have written that post. My SIL DOES condone the behavior and thinks if you don't provide teens with alcohol and a place to party you've got your head in the sand. 15:55, we do talk to our DC and I don't want to say anything bad about the cousins (whom we all love very much), but my DC thinks "we've talked about it already" and that it is likely to never happen. I worry about this all the time.

Teens and alcohol. Sex is next.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is 15. You can't police her all the time. What you CAN, and SHOULD do, is talk to her. Repeatedly. She needs to be strong enough to avoid drugs and drinking even if you are not looking over her shoulder. Whatever you do, don't make this an excuse to treat your siblings/in-laws or nieces/nephews badly. If you feel you need to back out, do so gracefully, but if you're going to go, try not to make your distrust and disdain quite so obvious.

Why not? They're trash.

I would not cancel this trip. Talk to your sister and express your concerns. Tell her you're really torn because you want to go on the trip but you're worried that the kids may be partying. Can't you guys set a limit by not allowing alcohol? Talk to your kids about making their own decisions, not following along, and staying out of trouble.

I think it will be hard for your daughter to not smoke pot when her cousins are doing it, especially because she must be decently close with them if you vacation together yearly. I would cancel the trip OR not let the kids be out unsupervised.

I am not op but I could have written that post. My SIL DOES condone the behavior and thinks if you don't provide teens with alcohol and a place to party you've got your head in the sand. 15:55, we do talk to our DC and I don't want to say anything bad about the cousins (whom we all love very much), but my DC thinks "we've talked about it already" and that it is likely to never happen. I worry about this all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd skip the trip.

This. I'd also start limiting any interaction with a SIL who's apparently fine with her high schoolers drinking and smoking weed.

I agree, OP. Why are you so afraid to call out SIL? These are YOUR KIDS you are talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd skip the trip.

This. I'd also start limiting any interaction with a SIL who's apparently fine with her high schoolers drinking and smoking weed.

I've also see this play out and it doesn't end well. Time to make your own plans, OP.

I'm that PP- I was going to snark that "cousins and drugs" was a redundant statement. But maybe that was just my experience growing up...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd skip the trip.

This. I'd also start limiting any interaction with a SIL who's apparently fine with her high schoolers drinking and smoking weed.

I've also see this play out and it doesn't end well. Time to make your own plans, OP.

Anonymous wrote:I'd skip the trip.

This. I'd also start limiting any interaction with a SIL who's apparently fine with her high schoolers drinking and smoking weed.

I'd skip the trip.

Not to paint too bleak a picture here, but I was that slow lane kid when I was a teenager, and I ended up locked in the trunk of one of our cars for almost an hour when I refused to "partake" of some of what my older cousin was offering me. Somehow, that ended up being the last family get-together my folks required me to participate in for a long time.

I think I would make different vacation plans the next few years. I have seen how these situations play out with extended family and it is not a situation I would want my own kids to be in.

Seeing cousins engaging in these sort of activities can make certain boundaries fuzzy and can be confusing for young teens, especially if they have looked up to these cousins in the past. I'd stay away from staying in the same house with them for a while so as to give them all time to get older and more mature.

Does your SIL condone this behavior? Do the kids share rooms while there? How does your daughter feel and drugs and alcohol?

Your kid is 15. You can't police her all the time. What you CAN, and SHOULD do, is talk to her. Repeatedly. She needs to be strong enough to avoid drugs and drinking even if you are not looking over her shoulder. Whatever you do, don't make this an excuse to treat your siblings/in-laws or nieces/nephews badly. If you feel you need to back out, do so gracefully, but if you're going to go, try not to make your distrust and disdain quite so obvious.

Help me with a dilemma, please. Every summer our family rents a beach house with my SIL's family...we've been doing this since our combined 6 kids were little, and everyone looks forward to it. My kids are 12 and 15; hers range from 13-18. Three of her teens have started drinking and smoking pot...this is not new for the 18 year old, but it is this year for the 16 and 15 year olds. I'm really concerned about keeping this behavior OUT of the house/away from our kids, and I especially don't trust the 16 year old nephew to comply, even if we "lay down the law," which we intend to do. My 15 year old is pretty sheltered and in the "slow lane" on things like this; she doesn't go to parties, and I seriously doubt she's ever been offered a drink or a joint. Any advice on how to keep on top of this? Much as I'd like to follow them everywhere, I don't think that's possible. This is a place where they've had independence in the past to walk down the beach, ride bikes to town for ice cream and so on. Nor do I relish the idea of staying up until 2 am every night for two weeks to keep checking on them in their bedrooms. Nor do I really want my daughter to have to be the police. But clearly it's something along those lines, or calling off the trip, which no one wants. If you'd been through something like this with your/other teens, I'd be grateful for suggestions!