You feel you owe him because he is your father. And you do. However, he also owes you, as you are letting him live with you for free. Do not forget that. He has to at least try or he is not keeping up his end of the family bargain. The one who is unsuccessfully MUST listen to the one who is successful. So, I would throw him out and tell him not to come back until he is ready to uphold his end of the family relation.

You need so set some boundaries right away. It would be well worth the cost to get him an apartment somewhere and pay for a few months rent until he gets on his feet. My husband and I are in a similar situation with my FIL. Trust that if you're unhappy now and he's already starting to neglect his personal hygiene, it will only get worse as time goes by and more difficult to give him the boot as he continues to neglect himself and his health starts to fail.

My FIL literally put his fingers in his ears and said "la la la la la" like a child trying to block out our voices when we asked him about getting a job or doing anything to get out of the house or be healthy. It sucks.

Anonymous wrote:I think you'll need to tell him very directly that this living situation isn't working for you, that the place is too small for both of you and so you're going to help him find another place to live. If you think he would qualify for subsidized housing or other forms of assistance, help him with that. Otherwise, if you have the financial means to do so, find him an apartment and tell him you're giving him three months worth of rent to give him time to find a job. Then get him moved, give him the money, and wash your hands of it. Don't be the safety net any further. People like your father tend to be very resourceful once they realize their current gravy train has ended.

Ha! I'm the pp before you, and yes. Once the gravy train is over, situations like this tend to resolve themselves.

I think you'll need to tell him very directly that this living situation isn't working for you, that the place is too small for both of you and so you're going to help him find another place to live. If you think he would qualify for subsidized housing or other forms of assistance, help him with that. Otherwise, if you have the financial means to do so, find him an apartment and tell him you're giving him three months worth of rent to give him time to find a job. Then get him moved, give him the money, and wash your hands of it. Don't be the safety net any further. People like your father tend to be very resourceful once they realize their current gravy train has ended.

Sorry, meant your, not our apartment. Fat fingers!

Pp here again. Prostate issues at 60 aren't uncommon for men, btw. Assuming dad is healthy in other ways... He could be Around 20 to 30 years. Absolutely not trying to sound insensitive, but he could still have a long life to live and make sure he knows our apartment isn't going to be his final living arrangement. Good luck to you.

I am in almost the exact same situation, but am married with a family to consider and have a sibling that can share the burden. Instead of giving you advice about the financial help available for your father, I'm going to give you advice personally. Now, in my situation...my father has always been this way. My dad is actually abusive, don't know if that's the case with you, but has always been on the cusp of homelessness despite financial windfalls, etc. so, here's what I've learned. You have to have boundaries, and stick to them. I suspect you are a young female, if you continue to live your life housing your father, and caring for him...you are seriously limiting the chances of a successful future for yourself (e.g. If you want to meet someone, have children, run a fortune 500 company, whatever). If your dad is like mine, he's hard to say no to, but will sponge off you as long as he can. You need to move your focus now on asserting the boundaries you've set with him. Find government assisted housing he can live in, a shelter, whatever, and let him know you love him...but are not living like this. If he's truly mentally I'll, you need to research public programs that will manage him. I'd give him an extra thirty days, I'd let him know where he's going to go if he doesn't show forward moving progress, and in thirty days I'd pack his bag and change my lock. If he knows he doesn't have you to fall back on...he'll probably make an effort to care for himself. This has been my experience. Again, you have to have boundaries, you have a right to a life...and you have done well by your father. I hope this is helpful. I feel for you.

Is he a veteran, by chance? I ask because there are more programs now to provide veterans with housing that you could look into. I got my father, who sounds similar, a veterans pension so that he wouldn't become homeless.

OP, you definitely need someone to talk to. I can imagine this would be very difficult. Is the hygiene issue a new thing? Is he depressed or possibly bipolar?

The Women's Center offer counseling on a sliding scale:
http://www.thewomenscenter.org

You could try individual as well as family counseling. I'd also try to get him involved in a hobby of some sort. Even if work is the ultimate goal, he probably is feeling untethered.

And thanks him to social services for Medicare and food stamps.

Have him apply for social security disability and find a low income disability or senior program once he gets approved.

He will be 60 this year.

How old is he?

My mother passed away when I was a teenager and I am very close with my dad. He has always had problems keeping a job or saving money. Once he gets a small savings,he loses interest in maintaining employment and always gets fired or let go.

He lost his job about 3 years ago and has not found employment saying he's too old and no one will hire him or that he is having medical issues (prostate). He moved in with me about 7 months ago under the rule of he would have to work and get a plan for how he will save for retirement and find a place to live permanently.

Nothing. He does nothing all day. I talk until I'm blue in the face offering suggestions, job opportunities, health concerns. He just offers excuse after excuse. My finances are draining from the extra expense. His hygiene is horrible. My apartment is starting to smell and I have no alone time or space. I can't live like this anymore but also can't imagine throwing my father out on the street. I feel trapped and I feel like this will be my life for the rest of forever as he has no savings, no retirement and no will to better himself.

I sometimes just imagine driving my car off a bridge so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I am so unhappy.

I don't know what to say to him or do anymore. I wanted to know if anyone had to live a similar situation and had advice.

He has health problems and no insurance and no money. I just don't know what to do anymore.