Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I love my life and my DH. Affirmation would be nice, a pat on the head for being stable, happy and self-sufficient. But it won't happen. DH works in an industry she doesn't "respect". Sigh. The favorite is gunning for inheritance, clearly, we are not interested in competing.

OP, I get it. Not sure why everyone is being so snarky about you caring. It would be painful.

+1

NP here. I get it too. It is in your face and wrong. Some people are just miserable hags, OP. You can't change her. My MIL favors the least capable in the family, because she thinks they "need it". Yuck.

NP, I totally get it too, OP. DH and I are both clearly the not-favorites to our parents but for exactly opposite reasons (I "will be okay w/o them" and BIL is aparently just way cooler than we are). It sucks, frankly, especially when it is all undeserved. Things on both sides have come to a head in the past couple years and we've decided to just disengage as much as possible, keep the peace when it's called for, and enjoy the benefits of "flying under the radar." It helps that we both feel the same way about the situation so we can laugh and joke about it together.

You can and should model for your children that, in the real world, they will not always be "the favorite." It will happen to them at work; it will happen to them at school; it will happen to them in peer relationships. Model for them that they can be just as happy when they are not the favorite, that being the favorite is a transient state and that people who play favorites are not very nice, and that entering into the race for being the favorite is a losing proposition.

PP here. Least capable = LAZY.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. I love my life and my DH. Affirmation would be nice, a pat on the head for being stable, happy and self-sufficient. But it won't happen. DH works in an industry she doesn't "respect". Sigh. The favorite is gunning for inheritance, clearly, we are not interested in competing.

OP, I get it. Not sure why everyone is being so snarky about you caring. It would be painful.

+1

NP here. I get it too. It is in your face and wrong. Some people are just miserable hags, OP. You can't change her. My MIL favors the least capable in the family, because she thinks they "need it". Yuck.

Anonymous wrote:OP. I love my life and my DH. Affirmation would be nice, a pat on the head for being stable, happy and self-sufficient. But it won't happen. DH works in an industry she doesn't "respect". Sigh. The favorite is gunning for inheritance, clearly, we are not interested in competing.

OP, I get it. Not sure why everyone is being so snarky about you caring. It would be painful.

Anonymous wrote:I don't care. I don't need to be someone's favorite. I love awkward encounters and would start playing secret Bingo with DH if I were you. How many new pics will be there be this time of the other favorite kid? How many times will MIL mention the favorite?

We totally do bingo, and have a secret symbol when shit gets crazy.

OP. I love my life and my DH. Affirmation would be nice, a pat on the head for being stable, happy and self-sufficient. But it won't happen. DH works in an industry she doesn't "respect". Sigh. The favorite is gunning for inheritance, clearly, we are not interested in competing.

My husband used to be the favorite but has fallen to the bottom of the pile. Do you really want to be the favorite family of a jerk? I don't. It's liberating to know we're already a disappointment and don't have to worry about future judgement.

Op, are you the favorite in your family? Or at least the oldest sib who kinda runs the show? And now being on the other end of the stick, you don't like it?

This is not your hill to die on.

In my MIL's case it's not so obvious, and I understand her reasons to have a "secret" favorite (not DH!) so it really doesn't grate on me. The truth is that I have the deepest affection and respect for this lady, so her little foibles are just that.

In your case, it must be something more. Disrespect for you maybe? Deliberate "in your face" kind of favoritism? Whatever it is, it's HER loss, not yours. Smile and forget it.

Do you people in everyday life say disengage ?

3 times a year ? You're upset about something that is really not your business. Let your husband tend to his mother.

I don't care. I don't need to be someone's favorite. I love awkward encounters and would start playing secret Bingo with DH if I were you. How many new pics will be there be this time of the other favorite kid? How many times will MIL mention the favorite?

Your post is odd. If it were you, it would be ok to play favorites. You are all adults. I don't think there is anything you can do. It sucks when parents do this, but nothing you can do.

So, what would you do?! Nothing? I just feel so bad for my DH and for my kids. She clearly has a favorite and it's not us. I wish DH could just disengage, but we get dragged back into this mess three times a year. The mantle is practically a shrine to my BIL's family. Why do people do this? It's so destructive! I try hard, But I don't think it has anything to do with me, the lady just has a chosen one. Sigh. I hate holidays.