Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:41
Subject: Which event is more important?
Faux.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:41
Subject: Re:Which event is more important?
You will still connect with the baby if you are not there. The second he/she is in your arms.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:41
Subject: Which event is more important?
Anonymous wrote:PPs missing the point. The OP needs to be there because the surrogate is having the procedure, and OP isnt. She wants to feel connected to the baby in some way.
Exactly. It's a want, not a need.
OP is putting her wish for a connection that is irrational to begin with (she'll connect with the baby, why connect with the procedure?) ahead of an event that will never happen again and that has meaning for the whole family, not just her.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:37
Subject: Which event is more important?
I think you're being ridiculous.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:36
Subject: Which event is more important?
Anonymous wrote:PPs missing the point. The OP needs to be there because the surrogate is having the procedure, and OP isnt. She wants to feel connected to the baby in some way.
Not missing the point, just think that she's letting symbolism override reality.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:36
Subject: Re:Which event is more important?
My husband and I are unable to have children safely (well, I'm unable to), and we wanted a third child. So we sold our house, saved our $, hired a lawyer, went to a fertility clinic, found a surrogate, did IVF to get eggs and sperm and are ready to make a baby with our surrogate. She's been cycling on medication for 5 weeks. Guess when the doctor wants to transfer the embryos? Yep. On the day of the 90th party. And there's no way we can make it to both events.
You seem to be really preoccupied with your own life events. Your granddad is having a very special event, too. Go to his party.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:35
Subject: Which event is more important?
90th. Ask your doctor to change the date, which should be doable if you've got frozen embryos. But if that won't work, go to the party and let go of feeling like you need to be at the transfer. Honestly, you don't. Don't hurt actual people for your fantasy. You'll love the kid just as much if you weren't there.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:35
Subject: Which event is more important?
I'm surprised you're not getting more sympathy from some posters OP, but then I missed my stepfather's 75th birthday party because of our IVF. Maybe you could go to the lunch and facetime for the procedure or something? I think it's hard either way.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:33
Subject: Which event is more important?
PPs missing the point. The OP needs to be there because the surrogate is having the procedure, and OP isnt. She wants to feel connected to the baby in some way.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:30
Subject: Which event is more important?
You don't "need" too.
You want too.
You want too.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:29
Subject: Which event is more important?
I know this sounds harsh, but anonymously I can say it:
You get the baby in the end...standing there why they inject your surrogate is useless and you are being dramatic.
Go to the party.
You get the baby in the end...standing there why they inject your surrogate is useless and you are being dramatic.
Go to the party.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:28
Subject: Which event is more important?
Your third child, not your one and only.
Your surrogate's having a procedure, not you.
And you want to miss your Grandpa's 90th?
You want to disappoint your hard-working mother and all your relatives?
Well, well, OP, how selfish can you get?
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:26
Subject: Which event is more important?
Go to the party for sure.
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:24
Subject: Which event is more important?
Well, it's really your decision, and I understand your feelings, but in your place I would go to the party for sure.
Your presence probably means more to your grandfather than to your surrogate. At the end of the day, you will love your baby regardless of whether you were present in a doctor's office on the day of implantation.
That's me though. At a minimum, send your kids to the party with your mom (assuming it's local).
Your presence probably means more to your grandfather than to your surrogate. At the end of the day, you will love your baby regardless of whether you were present in a doctor's office on the day of implantation.
That's me though. At a minimum, send your kids to the party with your mom (assuming it's local).
Anonymous
02/28/2015 21:14
Subject: Which event is more important?
My grandfather turns 90 this week. The entire family is throwing him a catered lunch out. WW2 friends are coming in to see him. My mom (his eldest daughter) is the main organizer and she has anxiety issues. This party has been keeping her up for weeks (what to wear, what centerpieces to buy, will your sister embarrass me...). This is a very big thing for her.
My husband, kids and I had every intention of going. We want to be there. I want to meet the extended, extended family. I think it's important for my kids to respect and appreciate that they have a great grandfather. But we have a conflict.
My husband and I are unable to have children safely (well, I'm unable to), and we wanted a third child. So we sold our house, saved our $, hired a lawyer, went to a fertility clinic, found a surrogate, did IVF to get eggs and sperm and are ready to make a baby with our surrogate. She's been cycling on medication for 5 weeks. Guess when the doctor wants to transfer the embryos? Yep. On the day of the 90th party. And there's no way we can make it to both events.
DH and I feel that we need to be at the medical procedure. We don't get to have sex. I don't get to be pregnant. We don't have any connection to the baby making process except for paying the incredibly large bills and email with the clinic. We need to be there for the procedure. We just need to.
I tried explaining this to my mom, and she completely flipped out on me. I was thinking I could take my grandfather out for dinner with just our little family the next day. She is devastated we won't be there though. Says my grandfather will never forgive me. That I've hurt her deeply.
Anyway, I'm just venting here. It's a hard situation to be in, and I'm hurting. And I'm angry with her for not acknowledging that my thing is important too. She said, "they're just cells and it might not even work anyway!"
Sigh. Am I crazy out of line here??
My husband, kids and I had every intention of going. We want to be there. I want to meet the extended, extended family. I think it's important for my kids to respect and appreciate that they have a great grandfather. But we have a conflict.
My husband and I are unable to have children safely (well, I'm unable to), and we wanted a third child. So we sold our house, saved our $, hired a lawyer, went to a fertility clinic, found a surrogate, did IVF to get eggs and sperm and are ready to make a baby with our surrogate. She's been cycling on medication for 5 weeks. Guess when the doctor wants to transfer the embryos? Yep. On the day of the 90th party. And there's no way we can make it to both events.
DH and I feel that we need to be at the medical procedure. We don't get to have sex. I don't get to be pregnant. We don't have any connection to the baby making process except for paying the incredibly large bills and email with the clinic. We need to be there for the procedure. We just need to.
I tried explaining this to my mom, and she completely flipped out on me. I was thinking I could take my grandfather out for dinner with just our little family the next day. She is devastated we won't be there though. Says my grandfather will never forgive me. That I've hurt her deeply.
Anyway, I'm just venting here. It's a hard situation to be in, and I'm hurting. And I'm angry with her for not acknowledging that my thing is important too. She said, "they're just cells and it might not even work anyway!"
Sigh. Am I crazy out of line here??