Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, he's a generous tipper even when he's not "nice". Fiance has lots of good qualities but yes I'm a bit worried. Does everyone get married thinking their fiancé is perfect? Because that's not me at all...

I hope not! They would be crazy, because no one is perfect.

The drink-to-relax concept is concerning - makes me think he might have alcoholic tendencies. Anyone in his family addicted to something? There is a genetic predisposition to addiction, and healthy people do not need to drink alcohol to relax and be nice to others. Red flag.

On the other hand, he's a generous tipper even when he's not "nice". Fiance has lots of good qualities but yes I'm a bit worried. Does everyone get married thinking their fiancé is perfect? Because that's not me at all...

So many concerns, both big and small. For example: Fiance isn't super nice to service people: valet guys, the maid, waiters, etc. He is really nice to bartenders, which he says it's not that he's not nice to others, it's just that he's nervous and when he has a drink, he relaxes and can be "nice" aka his true self.

Can you put your finger on what scares you about getting married? Is it marriage in general or marriage to your fiancé in particular? Do you live together? Have you known each other a long time? Do you talk about real stuff? Do you feel like you basically agree on the big stuff? Do you feel like you fight fairly when you don't agree? Do you feel like you got engaged too soon? Do you feel like he's hiding some part of himself from you and it'll come out after the wedding? (or are you hiding some part of yourself and you worry that he wouldn't like you as much if it came out?)

"Cold" feet, not "old" feet - ha!

Can you identify why you have "cold feet"?

Tell us WHY you're having old feet. Your misgivings have to be coming from somewhere.

My misgivings ended up being completely justified. DH has all the faults he exhibited just before our wedding. It nearly led to our divorce. Now after working on our communication for years it's a lot better, and we are a happy family, but it took hard work to get to this point. Just know that any red flags you see are REAL - and you will have to sort them out somehow.

I'm not saying don't marry him. I'm saying you have to go in with your eyes open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You can always set a new date if your feelings change.

I think if my feelings change, it would still cause irreparable harm to our families and our relationship to put off the wedding at the last minute.

Well, that's a great reason to get married! See you in the forums in a few months!

Anonymous wrote:Why the fuck have you had "cold feet" for a year and haven't talked to your fiancé about it? How old are you?

Whoa, a lot of aggression coming out there. I have talked to my fiancé, we even went to counseling for it. The therapist was like, you won't know if you don't like it until you do it...just get married! My fiancé wants to marry no matter what and thinks cold feet is just wedding planning stress.

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You can always set a new date if your feelings change.

I think if my feelings change, it would still cause irreparable harm to our families and our relationship to put off the wedding at the last minute.

Anonymous wrote:What would your friends and family say about your relationship?

Some think it's a great relationship; but some feel like my fiancé rubs them the wrong way.

When tell my family about cold feet, they dismiss it and think he's a great guy.

Why the fuck have you had "cold feet" for a year and haven't talked to your fiancé about it? How old are you?

Don't do it. You can always set a new date if your feelings change.

What would your friends and family say about your relationship?

I got engaged a year ago after a year of dating and have had cold feet since. Just a phase right? Specifically looks for stories about people very nervous about the wedding/marriage but it all turned out fine.