You go girl OP! You deserve to be happy. Your kids deserve to see you be happy. Your kids need to see a loving relationship - Not fake happiness.

I consulted a lawyer. I went through my EAP at work which got me an intial consultation. From there I learned what kind of apartment I should rent, how close etc etc. If your H thinks there is no problem, he will figure it out once you move out.

Be prepared that you will have to be the one to move out. Believe me, confronting my ex H about our issues went on deaf ears. Had I not the balls to move out and on with my life, I gaurantee I'd still be in living in a unhappy marriage struggling to show the real world and to my daughter that really I was happy living a life of BS. No thanks!

Just just cuz you had kids with the guy doesn't 'mean you have to stay with him if you are unhappy and he refuses to think there is a problem. You matter, your feelings matter, bottom line.

Good luck! You can do it!

It will be cheaper if you and spouse can work out as much as possible without the lawyer. A mediator who specializes in divorce can help with that. Things you will need to work out--custody, how kids will be transported when they move between homes. holidays, how medical and educational decisions will be made, birthdays and vacations. Do not leave to chance that you will both be good and just figure it out as you go. A good mediator will help you both through it. And a good lawyer for you will insist on checking it over.

If you need to get out get out but if you mean to teach your kids not to settle you are doing them a disservice. Everyone settles.

What's the problem? Seriously. Can you describe more?

You vowed to love this nan until death. Love is not just what you feel; it's what you do. You can't promise how you're going to feel; that's involuntary. So if the feeling of love has gone away, what you do is you do love with actions. Lots of them every day. You promised.

Unless he's abusive, if you leave you are teaching your kids that they don't have to keep their promises if their moods or feelings change.

Anonymous wrote:Consult with an attorney. Get your own financial house in order (know your assets and debts, create a budget for living apart), get a job (if you don't have one), start thinking about a separation plan (where you will love, what the physical custody arrangement will look like--your attorney should help you with the legal aspects). Find a family therapist for your kids. Then once you have all these things ready, tell him.

Once you two have agreed on separation, tell the kids, and then move quickly while they are with grandparents or at school or otherwise not there to watch mom or dad move out.

Be 100 percent sure of what you are doing before you tell your kids. Then therapy. Because it's really hard for kids to process "I just don't love him," and you don't want this to mess up their future relationships.

Thank you.

Yes I work full time and I am a saver so I have money set aside for a rainy day.

Thank you again.

Consult with an attorney. Get your own financial house in order (know your assets and debts, create a budget for living apart), get a job (if you don't have one), start thinking about a separation plan (where you will love, what the physical custody arrangement will look like--your attorney should help you with the legal aspects). Find a family therapist for your kids. Then once you have all these things ready, tell him.

Once you two have agreed on separation, tell the kids, and then move quickly while they are with grandparents or at school or otherwise not there to watch mom or dad move out.

Be 100 percent sure of what you are doing before you tell your kids. Then therapy. Because it's really hard for kids to process "I just don't love him," and you don't want this to mess up their future relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get a consultation with a lawyer before I made any moves.

THIS!!! Don't do anything yet until you talk to a lawyer. They should be able to walk you through everything. When things start up and you ask him to move out or you move out, you might not want to mention right away that you did talk to a lawyer. You may want to start to separate some money into a sock drawer for some big expenses you will have coming up.

Good Luck OP.

Thank you so much.

Anonymous wrote:I would get a consultation with a lawyer before I made any moves.

THIS!!! Don't do anything yet until you talk to a lawyer. They should be able to walk you through everything. When things start up and you ask him to move out or you move out, you might not want to mention right away that you did talk to a lawyer. You may want to start to separate some money into a sock drawer for some big expenses you will have coming up.

Good Luck OP.

I'm sure you're in pain, but without some specifics it's hard to tell if this is a wise decision, or you're just a whiny teenager at heart. If you are the unhappy one and there's no abuse, you need to be prepared to walk away from it all. The house, the kids, the money that isn't your earnings. Don't expect him to go anywhere.

Anonymous wrote:You put on your big girl pants and think of the two kids you had with this man.

God knows I am!! I want them to grow up with a healthy model of a relationship. To show them what happiness looks like and it's not this!! To show them that they don't have to settle.

Don't dare preach to me about my children. They are at the forefront of this decision.

Anonymous wrote:You put on your big girl pants and think of the two kids you had with this man.

Yep. Think about how you are modeling a shitty marriage that they are likely to replicate someday. Good luck OP, you can do this.

I would get a consultation with a lawyer before I made any moves.

What exactly is wrong, OP?

Just remember, lots of people have gotten divorced. You will get through it.

You put on your big girl pants and think of the two kids you had with this man.

I'm ready to take the first steps towards divorce. H is a good man but I don't love him and I need to leave. I am so lonely in my marriage. I have not cheated. He has not either. We have 2 children. Counseling has not helped. He refuses to see any problem. I am at the end of my rope.

For those who have been through this before, please guide me. Thank you.