Yes, just be polite, and know that you are being the bigger person here. I do the same, and feel that I am scoring one over on her by being able to be gracious and act with good manners.

I am polite, not overly happy. I'm also real careful with my words. I never say it's so good to see you. I ask about the trip. and wish them safe travels when they leave.

I am happy to see MIL when she is not visiting me.

In other words, I do not have a problem travelling with her or living in her own house with her. She is a pain only when she comes to my house to stay with us, because she will not move a finger and I do not have the army of domestic staff that she has at her place.

Anonymous wrote:Just chose your words carefully. Rather than "It's so great to see you" I instead always ask a question so as "Did you hear about DD's feild hockey game? She scored a goal"

This is great advice. This way you are not being fake and offering something nice to talk about instead.. it might lead to actually liking each other a little bit more.

These days, yes. I have always loved my MIL but lately she is grating on my last nerve. She and FIL are both retired and spending more and more time traveling. Then they expect everyone to drop their lives to take care of their dog, their house, etc while they are away. She expects me to know their extensive vacation schedule forward and backwards. but she won't just email the fucking dates so I can put them on the calendar. She tells me in passing and then expects me to remember every detail of HER vacation. I'm like lady, look, I work a demanding, stressful job, I have my own family whose schedule I have to manage, and I frankly don't give a damn where you are jetting off to next. Go, have fun, great for you, but find someone else to babysit your geriatric, annoying dog (or, you know, pay to board him), find someone else to coordinate your renovation contractors while you are sitting on the beach in FL. I don't have time between my 10 hour work days, work travel, kid activities and taking care of my own damned house. Oh, and did I mention that I have family too? I have a mom of my own who also needs my help. Grrr. She is going to turn into one of those bitchy old nags who can't see past the end of her own nose, I can tell. All of us were so relieved to see her go to FL for six weeks!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you pretend to be happy to see MIL?

MIL bugs me in a lot of ways. I still try to pretend to be happy to see her when she visits. (She lives out of town.) I try to greet her with a smile and a hug, but I get stiffness and a bland "hi" back. I guess I should just stop trying. I'm not actually that happy to see her.

Seems like you're being polite. Isn't that a good thing?

+1. Seriously. Come on people, smiling and hugging a family member, or basically anyone visiting your home, is not being "fake." It's basic decency.

Yes. I agree with "fake it till you make it". Or more likely fake it forever. My MIL also greets me in a sullen way, usually bc she's unhappy with us for something (always!). I ignore and just push through with the peppier greetings. Otherwise I'd probably say something nasty and we can't have that...

Just chose your words carefully. Rather than "It's so great to see you" I instead always ask a question so as "Did you hear about DD's feild hockey game? She scored a goal"

She probably knows you're pretending and doesnt know how to react. She's probably much older than you and has seen it all. Stop faking it and just be polite and sincere.

OP here -- Thanks for the positive encouragement! Sometimes I need it.

^^^ not to, but til. Fake it 'til you make it.

Fake it to you make it. Assuming you have children, model for them what it means to be polite and welcoming in your home.

Yes! But she lives close.

Anonymous wrote:Do you pretend to be happy to see MIL?

MIL bugs me in a lot of ways. I still try to pretend to be happy to see her when she visits. (She lives out of town.) I try to greet her with a smile and a hug, but I get stiffness and a bland "hi" back. I guess I should just stop trying. I'm not actually that happy to see her.

Seems like you're being polite. Isn't that a good thing?

Do you pretend to be happy to see MIL?

MIL bugs me in a lot of ways. I still try to pretend to be happy to see her when she visits. (She lives out of town.) I try to greet her with a smile and a hug, but I get stiffness and a bland "hi" back. I guess I should just stop trying. I'm not actually that happy to see her.