Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I have slept around quite a bit. But I have been monogamous for the past year, so it's a start. Although ideally I'd like to be celibate, of course harder said than done.

If you're monogamous, then that means you're in a relationship! Do you mean a F buddy? If so, drop him. He's not interested in more. Make men pursue you. Don't make them, let them. Just go out and meet people and enjoy your life. Make friends. That's all it takes, really. But you have to get over being loose or thinking you're not worth a relationship or that is what will happen. The girlfriends I have who exhibit this behavior are still single. The rest of us are recently married or have been married for a while. It is sad to watch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I have slept around quite a bit. But I have been monogamous for the past year, so it's a start. Although ideally I'd like to be celibate, of course harder said than done.

Are you op?

Yes

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I have slept around quite a bit. But I have been monogamous for the past year, so it's a start. Although ideally I'd like to be celibate, of course harder said than done.

Are you op?

Anonymous wrote:You give the goodies away too freely. If I were a man and you gave me what I wanted on the first date, I would have no reason to see you again except to have sex.

It isn't as simple as giving the goods away freely. It is more that akmost any man will accept the goods, but not all of these men are going to click with the woman and be interested in something more. They wouldn't be interested in something more whether you had sex or did not have sex. Sure, some men are only after the chase, but not most. Instead as a woman, if you get attached from sex and are interested in a relationship, then you need to make a man prove himself and his interest before putting out.

I will admit that I have slept around quite a bit. But I have been monogamous for the past year, so it's a start. Although ideally I'd like to be celibate, of course harder said than done.

Why is getting to have sex with a guy a consolation prize? It's like the reverse "nice guy" scenario -- where you feel entitled to something more than the other person is offering.

You give the goodies away too freely. If I were a man and you gave me what I wanted on the first date, I would have no reason to see you again except to have sex.

It's not about what you have to offer. Any one who doesn't appreciate you for being yourself needs to be shown the door, post haste.

I felt the same way you did. I hardly dated because I thought all the guy would want is to have sex and not a real relationship with me. I finally grew out of that stage, thank goodness. Found a good man and got married.

You have to start loving yourself. I would just find a hobby or volunteer. Get yourself out of your own head.

Anonymous wrote:I would say your attitude is the problem. If you really, truly don't feel like you have anything to offer but your body, that is what you will project. You make your own reality. Be interesting and involved in other ways, and men will want you for other reasons too. Don't be afraid to have a personality. If it seems like you don't have one, why would they want to talk or get to know you? Just go for the goods.

I'm sure you have more to offer and more ways you could be interesting. Talk about it. Show it. Have an opinion.

This. Note, I'm a woman who took years to build confidence and realize I have something to offer. I wonder if the OP was taught by a conservative father that men only want sex from her? I feel like my dad was trying to raise me well and teach me, but ended up doing more harm than good. It is like I simply accepted that men will only value me for sex and that no man could possibly want to get to know me. Luckily, I moved past this and now have a healthy self esteem and loving husband. I'm sure it is hard to raise daughters but I do know I won't repeat those mistakes.

I would say your attitude is the problem. If you really, truly don't feel like you have anything to offer but your body, that is what you will project. You make your own reality. Be interesting and involved in other ways, and men will want you for other reasons too. Don't be afraid to have a personality. If it seems like you don't have one, why would they want to talk or get to know you? Just go for the goods.

I'm sure you have more to offer and more ways you could be interesting. Talk about it. Show it. Have an opinion.

The fact you've had guys tell you they would rather sleep with you is what raises a red flag. Why is this even coming up in conversation? A man should try and spend time with you in order to get to know you and should respect you. When a man respects you and is pursuing you in a normal way, you don't question motives. You're just enjoying spending time with him. You'd never stop and ask them if they only value you for sex.

It makes me think you've slept around a bit and these hook ups aren't resulting in relationships. So stop. Switch things up and take a different approach in order to get what you want.

Probably because you seem kind, unassuming and perhaps a bit naive, so they think you will be easily persuadable.

Just say no. Laugh it off. Change the subject. Whatever you need to do.

For right now, the best step forward is to make friends. Do not allow a man to use you for sex, even if it means not having them ask you out. I promise the right man is out there. Focus on building hobbies and making friends, including with men.

Also why would other women be able to fall in love and get married, but you can't? That doesn't make any sense. There are women of all shapes, sizes and talents who have fallen in love and are happy.

I was in your shoes many years ago. I felt so downtrodden because it seemed like men only wanted to sleep with me. Then I met a few who wanted more, including my husband. We are best friends, share mututal interests and friends and are in love. Point is that he is out there. Just maintain your standards and stay healthy and true to yourself.

Except for my body. I've never been in a relationship, but guys will definitely pursue me for sex. I'm very modest looking and don't dress or act promiscuous at all. But I've had guys tell me that they'd rather sleep with me. A guy a recently dated tried to make out with me while ending our first date, but I pushed him away. I am a bit socially awkward, but college educated and an ok job. I stopped dating because I really want to find out what is going on. Friends have advised that I just haven't found the right person, but I'm just not sure that guys view me as relationship material. What gives?