what does your father say?


He wants there to be a compromise, as in, I get to use a small part of the room, a designated area, and not touch the rest.

My brother absolutely lost it at this suggestion. He does not want me to even walk in the room.

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Again, since it is your dad's house it is up to him and I can't see why his proposed solution would not meet your needs.

Since neither of you owns the house, or is paying rent, it is entirely up to your father what is done with the room.

You sound like a responsible person who has definite goals, is financial prudent, and ambitious. You will have some more years of hard work ahead of you (finishing law school, etc.) but it seems from what you've written you have a bright future ahead of you.

Your brother is the exact opposite. From what you describe, unless he has a major turnaround, this new school endeavor is not going to pan out into something particularly successful.

Siblings often get into conflicts over what is "fair". Yes, I can see your point of view, and why you think it is unfair that your brother gets this bigger room and still gets to claim it as "his" room even when he's away.

But... I'm going to suggest you let it go. You are still getting to live rent-free, you will most likely go one to a successful life where you can afford your own comfortable home. Based on what you've described, your brother probably only has that room in the basement to look forward to. Stay focused on yourself, your goals, getting yourself truly independent, and stop fretting over keeping score with your brother.

Anonymous wrote:what does your father say?

He wants there to be a compromise, as in, I get to use a small part of the room, a designated area, and not touch the rest.

My brother absolutely lost it at this suggestion. He does not want me to even walk in the room.

Your dad allows his weed smoking. His house, his choice. It would be reasonable to convert some of the space to storage or a study area for you but your father is not offering. You have two choices - find another area like the kitchen, living room, dining room or move out. We have a much smaller house than you describe and we make it work.

Honestly just study there and don't tell him about it.

what does your father say?

Anonymous wrote:It's your fathers house so he decides. Also, you're an adult; if you don't like it move out.

+1

Your brother is being ridiculous

Not your battle to fight. It's your dad's house. Go study somewhere else.

PS: I get why you are mad. I would be too, but seriously, not your house, and not your battle.

Anonymous wrote:Go study at the library.

+1

It doesn't matter what's reasonable, it's not worth the hassle with a volatile personality.

OP, it sounds like your brother is a troubled person. You're not going to change him so why invite more drama into your life by taking this on? It's just going to distract you from studying. Just get back to studying and move on with your life so you can get your own place.

Good luck!

It's your fathers house so he decides. Also, you're an adult; if you don't like it move out.

Go study at the library.

Ok, I know i will get flamed for being young, but I really would appreciate some input.

I am 25, I lived at college on my own, in my own apartment, and stayed there afterward, working and with my own place. About 8 months ago I moved home to DC, and to save on the higher rents (I went to college and lived in a very large city that had much lower rent) while I studied for the LSAT, I decided to live with my father, who my little brother (20) was also staying with. My father lives in a tiny townhouse, and I moved into the small bedroom on the second floor, next to my father's room. My brother lived in the basement, in a room that was essentially a "hangout room/den", and takes up almost the entire floorpan, probably 30 by 50 feet.

My brother has had a lot of issues. Had to drop out of HS and get his GED, finally went to community college (everyone in my famiyl has gone to 4 year schools) and has been in trouble for minor issues with the law a couple of times (such as, driving without registration in VA, which he ended up being banned from VA for a year or so). He smokes weed constantly- there was a stream of people coming in and out of the house, some regulars and some new people, that would go down to his room in the basement to smoke a bowl.

Now, this made it extremely difficult to study for the LSATS (i am not a weed smoker, and dont like all the noise from the mass of teenage boys as they play video games), and created tension between me and him. On one occasion it escalated to a physical altercation, wherein he ended up throwing me down the stairs and putting me in a headlock.

I was extremely shaken up and wanted to leave or get him to see a therapist with me, but he refused. Things ended up calming down and I made the decision to stay in the house for the time being, while looking for somewhere to move.

Anyway, this past January he started at a school in VA. He was driving there (it's 4 hours away), and my father found him an apartment, and he moved in.

This past weekend, however, I got the nasty surprise that he had come back for the weekend. Back came the stream of people coming in and smoking weed.

When I mentioned offhandedly that I wanted to use his (now vacant) room to study in, he flipped out. Apparently no one is allowed to even walk in his room because it's permanently his and he will be coming back on the weekends.

Now, my room is tiny- maybe 10 by 10 feet and filled with boxes stacked up because I plan on moving again soon. It's so nice to be able to just get up and stretch my legs and go down to a room where I can pace in between studying or otherwise move around. I think it's absurd that he expects this room to be kept just for him. I have four siblings in total and grew up in a three bedroom house, where it was essentially musical bedrooms. The idea that he wants to keep this room while he is hours away living in an apartment seems ridiculous, especially as I dont plan on making any changes, just using a table in it to study.

My question is: why is my brother so upset about this? And is it reasonable to expect to use an unused, vacant room to study in?