Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I don't know any of these. More, I know women who thought their husbands were crappy (they weren't) so they divorced them. The husbands went on to live happy remarried lives and the women are miserable and living with their parents. Grass isn't always greener people!

So true! Some people can only appreciate what they have after they lost it.

I know a woman who sort of upgraded. But she was a widow, and it took years after her husband passed away. I think the dynamic has lots to do with age. A 50-year-old woman, even if she is pretty, in great shape, and makes good money, is still... well, a mature woman. A handsome and successful 50-year-old guy can be a catch for a wide range of women. It is just not the same at, say, 30. Thirty-year-olds are still young and full of potential. I think for us ladies the real decline in prospects kicks in after mid-forties. Not so much for guys. This sucks, but what can you do?

Hubby # 2 makes about a tenth of the money #1 makes. Our house is modest while BOTH of our exes live in larger, newer and more luxurious homes. Overall my lifestyle has gone down (if we are talking about material things, trips, etc). But i feel i have upgraded. Second marriage is awesome, we are great partners, passionately in love and the sex is out of this world. Oh and he is also smoking hot.

Sorry, I don't know any of these. More, I know women who thought their husbands were crappy (they weren't) so they divorced them. The husbands went on to live happy remarried lives and the women are miserable and living with their parents. Grass isn't always greener people!

My ex-husband remarry a woman who's my age. I am more attractive than her but she has other qualities he prefers. I think it's fair.
I have several relationships after divorce. One of them I got very close to get marry. However, my kids are still young and live 60% of the time with me. My then boy friend has kids too (50/50). I felt overwhelmed by the idea of blended family. It is my option to focus on my kids and not get married or into any married-like relationship. I have a boyfriend who is not involved with my kids and the relationship is very fulfilling for me at this point in my life.

Anonymous wrote:I have the simplistic notion that the person with the better combination of looks and personality will land the better next spouse.

Which is why I'll never divorce DW! She'd end up with a much better guy than me and I'd end up alone with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of Jergens.

Thank goodness she doesn't realize how much better she could do.

Anonymous wrote:I have the simplistic notion that the person with the better combination of looks and personality will land the better next spouse.

annnnnd we have a winner!

I'm not sure what these people's experiences are, but I have quite a few friends who have landed great boyfriends/husbands after divorce. As a matter of fact, I'm going to a wedding in May for one of them. My particular friends exDH is alone and busted broke in an apartment. She is fit, great career (had to pay him alimony) and is a fun person. She had no issues finding dates.

I have the simplistic notion that the person with the better combination of looks and personality will land the better next spouse.

The math is simple. There are more straight women than straight men after a certain age. Men die off faster and they are more likely to be gay. Add to that they almost always want something younger.
I am a big fan of polygamy for this reason...

Some women will always land someone, no matter how old they are. My MIL is that type. FIL dumped her when they were both in their late 40s for another woman. A couple of years later MIL remarried a man who treats her like a queen. I'm sure she would have preferred to stay in her first marriage (they were gold on paper), but she is not wallowing alone in her home.

Women may feel that they have ended up with something better than they had but if she had met number 2 before number 1, she would likely have chosen to go with the number 1.

I guess what I am saying is that perspectives change after a failed marriage.

Anonymous wrote:A spin off from another thread, where they said," most men get divorced and upgrade to a younger, hotter woman. Most divorced women end up alone." Any anecdotes to buck that belief?

Um, my mom.

She remarried at 55 to a wonderful man who is way better than my father.

Please don't use this board as a baseline as to how real relationships work.

According to our marriage counselor, that is largely true. She told me to prepare for that as reality if we split up, which we are considering, since it's most likely. Not necessarily the hotter, younger part, but that he will remarry and I won't.

My ex husband upgraded in the traditional Lifetime movie way. When I was mid raising our kids and not looking or feeling my best a 20 something hottie came round the way and destroyed our marriage. She was a very nice woman to my children so in the end thats all I can really concentrate on. However, his "relationship" only lasted 1.5 years where as I found a really good match for myself about a year after the divorce. He is just a better personality and lifestyle fit for me and I am really glad in retrospect EXDH cheated thus causing our marriage to end and setting me free. I got married about 3 year years after EX left. EXDH on the other hand has kind of struggled past the affair relationship. He is throwing himself into work and not really socializing at all. (He feels outcasted from our tight social circle which is kind of what happens when you cheat...be warned people!) In the end I definitely got the upgrade even though in the middle of the crisis it looked like he won the lottery and I got a death sentence.

A spin off from another thread, where they said," most men get divorced and upgrade to a younger, hotter woman. Most divorced women end up alone." Any anecdotes to buck that belief?