Anonymous
02/18/2015 11:24
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
11:02 here! I knew it!
First, aahhhhhhhhh! It's so frustrating.
Know that deep down, your bf will always, always have an alliance with his mom. He'll always take her side and likely is afraid to stand up to her.
In my marriage, I've shut my MIL out so much at I have virtually no interaction with her, except for family gatherings, etc. She rules her family with an iron fist and expects compliance.
I'm an adult with my own mother and have a rebellious nature; the more I'm told to do something, the more I rebel. I do not need another mother, more advice, more demands.
I say all this to say that once you open the discussion with your bf and if he begins or completely cuts the apron strings, expect that you will set up a new dynamic: good (his mom) vs. evil (you). YOU will be the one who changed this mother and son relationship, YOU took him away, YOU are controlling and YOU broke up the family.
First, aahhhhhhhhh! It's so frustrating.
Know that deep down, your bf will always, always have an alliance with his mom. He'll always take her side and likely is afraid to stand up to her.
In my marriage, I've shut my MIL out so much at I have virtually no interaction with her, except for family gatherings, etc. She rules her family with an iron fist and expects compliance.
I'm an adult with my own mother and have a rebellious nature; the more I'm told to do something, the more I rebel. I do not need another mother, more advice, more demands.
I say all this to say that once you open the discussion with your bf and if he begins or completely cuts the apron strings, expect that you will set up a new dynamic: good (his mom) vs. evil (you). YOU will be the one who changed this mother and son relationship, YOU took him away, YOU are controlling and YOU broke up the family.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 11:21
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Don't do it, OP. I thought family relationships were important before getting married, and I STILL had no idea how much they come into play once you actually are married. This will be a nightmare situation for you. Even if she dropped dead tomorrow, he will still have personality traits that will be undesirable in a husband.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 11:15
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Anonymous wrote:OP, set the boundaries, ok, barricades now!
Don safety gear and a helmet. Tell your bf that you find this mothering so emasculating and unattractive.
Do not go further into this relationship until this issue is talked about and resolved.
Don't get involved with his mother. At all. Do not become friends on FB, don't call her, don't ask her for advice, don't establish a relationship with her. Keep her on the fringes.
Is he the oldest or only son, OP?
I have even more to say, but truly I've learned there's something so weird and interconnected with a mom and oldest or only son. Married one.
OP here
He is the only son. He often complains about how his mom is manipulative and emotionally abusive but he still tries very hard to please her.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 11:14
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Yep. We are divorced now. He's a grown man. Don't get involved in this love triangle. It won't end well for you.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 11:09
Subject: Re:bf is a mama's boy. help?
schedules his haircuts and dentist appointments
Op, you have been willing to date him so I think it's worth a sit-down,
serious talk with him - an ultimatum, really. It's a good time to do it.
Right now it's about relatively small stuff compared to if you were
married or had children. If he's been worth it so far, I'd give him 6-12
months from the date of "the talk" to correct this behavior. And to
make sure he doesn't go running to his mother to talk about it.
Good luck. I would drop him if there isn't a huge change.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 11:02
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
OP, set the boundaries, ok, barricades now!
Don safety gear and a helmet. Tell your bf that you find this mothering so emasculating and unattractive.
Do not go further into this relationship until this issue is talked about and resolved.
Don't get involved with his mother. At all. Do not become friends on FB, don't call her, don't ask her for advice, don't establish a relationship with her. Keep her on the fringes.
Is he the oldest or only son, OP?
I have even more to say, but truly I've learned there's something so weird and interconnected with a mom and oldest or only son. Married one.
Don safety gear and a helmet. Tell your bf that you find this mothering so emasculating and unattractive.
Do not go further into this relationship until this issue is talked about and resolved.
Don't get involved with his mother. At all. Do not become friends on FB, don't call her, don't ask her for advice, don't establish a relationship with her. Keep her on the fringes.
Is he the oldest or only son, OP?
I have even more to say, but truly I've learned there's something so weird and interconnected with a mom and oldest or only son. Married one.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:56
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Run, OP.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:47
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.
OP here. His mom is also texting him all the time and grills him about every little detail or decision in his life. He doesn't even seem to realize this isn't a problem...[/quote]
THIS (bolded) is the problem, OP. The mother is not your issue. If it wasn't her, it would be someone/ something else.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:41
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Anonymous wrote:Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.
OP here. His mom is also texting him all the time and grills him about every little detail or decision in his life. He doesn't even seem to realize this isn't a problem...
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:35
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Run.
It's one thing to have a boyfriend/partner/spouse that loves and is close with their family. Buys him a sweater for his birthday or Christmas? No big deal. Even possibly checking out an apartment. But still makes appointments? Hell no. There is little joy in dating someone who can't take care of themselves and is still dependent on parent for basic things.
This is a manchild. Date grown men and women, not people who can't take care of themselves.
It's one thing to have a boyfriend/partner/spouse that loves and is close with their family. Buys him a sweater for his birthday or Christmas? No big deal. Even possibly checking out an apartment. But still makes appointments? Hell no. There is little joy in dating someone who can't take care of themselves and is still dependent on parent for basic things.
This is a manchild. Date grown men and women, not people who can't take care of themselves.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:35
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
And I noticed you said "she" will spell trouble over time. She's not the problem - he is. Believe that.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:35
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
I married a partial mamas boy. Moving him across the country helped. But really it wouldn't have worked out with us if he hadn't acknowledged it and been willing to set done boundaries. Otherwise he'd just have transferred it all to me, expecting me to buy his clothes and nake his dental appts.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:34
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:32
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
I almost married one and thank god all the time that I didn't.
You need someone you can count on, not someone who counts on mommy.
You need someone you can count on, not someone who counts on mommy.
Anonymous
02/18/2015 10:29
Subject: bf is a mama's boy. help?
the more i am getting to know my bf the more i realize he is a mama's boy. he is a really great guy and treats his family really well but i'm beginning to notice that his mother has almost too strong a grip on him. he is 27 but she still buys him clothes, schedules his haircuts and dentist appointments. when he was getting a new apartment, he even went to see the place with his mother.
i really like him and we have talked about getting serious...its just in the back of my hear, i wonder if she will spell trouble for us down the line. have you had any experience marrying a mama's boy? how is it going?
i really like him and we have talked about getting serious...its just in the back of my hear, i wonder if she will spell trouble for us down the line. have you had any experience marrying a mama's boy? how is it going?